Another form of discrimination?

I believed I am being discriminated. For being fat and ugly.

Watched the show 'I want to have a famous face' on MTV and there was this lady who wanted to look like Jennifer Aniston. So she had a nose lift, breast enhancement, butt lift, lipo everywhere. Basically a fake person. So she could feel happier, more beautiful and have a greater sense of confidence.

This show is unlike Extreme Makeover where they only show the nice parts. The similarity in both shows are that the makeover is definitely extreme. What is different is the dirty work that goes on.

I saw fats being sucked out of her body while she lay limplessly on the operating table. The surgeon poked a thick needle up her butt, tummy and neck (I could see her the fats gurgling beneath her skin), sliced up her breast and butt to fill it up, poke up her nostrils with this huge metal stick to straighten the nose and I could see the stick moving inside at the bridge!

I grew cold. I can't imagine how she would feel after being stitched up when the anesthetic wears off. Then, shows her a few months later, she was happy, more confident and her hubby loves her.

I was like 'whaaa??'

Then channel 8 was showing a slimming down program. About fat woman who wants to slim down. Then channel 5 has a few women in villa wellness, one of two being criticised looking like a banana.

Why do these women want to look pretty on the outside. Sometimes I think women is doomed to die if they don't look nice. The clothes on the rack of most retail shops don't sell extra sizes. My friends with fat asses hate it when they go buy bottoms with me!

The image given is: fat = ugly. Is that really the truth? Sad to say I feel it is. I don't see fat people on magazines, unless to feature how much they have slimmed down. I see people trying to withstrain their laughter when they see women on the large side showing off extra skin.

Do I have to be stick thin before somebody finally says I can fit into society. Do we have to stare in shock at friends whom we haven't seen in ages, when they appear in front of us all thin and ill-looking? Is this what woman has to achieve in order to look beautiful.

I've had my share of hurt. I've heard people reminising about how thin I used to be previously and how much I am eating and how come my tummy is expanding etc. I have seen stares when my tummy gets a bit bigger and when you look at them they pretend not to look, but give you a signal to do something about it. I've had my inferior complex coming in when friends are successful in slimming but I just remain the same no matter how much I try. Sometimes, I wonder when it will stop.

I am feeling very exasperated over this. I'm not super duper huge and I'm not thin or slim either. I just feel what the society has deemed an optimal body for acceptance has made me somewhat ponder my sorry existence. I wonder if others feel that way. Which is why they are running to TV stations for free programs to slim down, hopefully by the time they have slimmed, no one can recognise the new look?

I have my share of diets. I do obsess having a good body. But don't people know they must love themselves first? Being slim and thin is not being beautiful. People should love you on the inside too. And I figured out if people don't like me for who I am, there is no point having them in my life right?

So far, there has been only one person who said I've never changed thoughout the years. He didn't notice if I had my hair cut, grew fatter or thinner, or got a new pair of shoes, clothes etc. To him I'm the same when he knew me then and now. I know he loves me for who I am and I thank him for that. I'm thankful there's such a person in my life. Why can't other people be like that? I don't look at my guy friends who are on the large side and ask them to slim down do I?

Yes, I want to thank this person. For making me feel better whenever I complain about my physical appearance. Wenyao: I wish everyone else were like you. I love you and thank you =)