I feel a sense of triumph as I place the sticky one back in his cot. Eli's been yelping all day despite the feeding, the playing and the changing. He wants to be carried almost all the time and that leaves the new parent me with tasks unattended and backlogged as I despairingly watch my maternity leave pass me by.
I'll be back in office in a month's time and I've finally managed to coax my darling boy to sleep handsfree. Not just thanks to the baba sling (baby carrier), but also thanks to God that Eli didn't reject the sling today. Yes, he's good with it today. Not yesterday, or the day before.
Reflecting back on my past 2 months as a new parent, I've ran out of illustrations/metaphors/similes etc to describe the experiences. It's simply an oxymoronic time in my life - caring and loving a stranger so deeply, that you feel it's possible and impossible at the same time. You're never sure if your patience will run out with the caring. Or you're amazed at the amount of patience you have, thinking if it has always been stored in a secret dungeon not known to you, until the little one unleashes it with his birth. I'm also not sure how one can love a child so deeply one moment, and the next moment, feel like dropping him to the floor as if the fall will end his crying, and at the same time, shudder to think how a loving parent can harbor such an evil thought and also wince in horror knowing such scene would also one day likely to happen before you (thanks to murphy's law), as you hurriedly shut your eyes to avoid it. It's like learning to understand a new kind of love. A love never understood even as you grew from an infant to a full grown adult, until a human cry resulted from down below after 9 months of ballooning. Parental love. Tsk tsk.
As I reflect this, I'm happily slicing my organic apple as a treat for my mothering achievements. Yes, this is considered good pampering. I've not prepared fruit as treats for myself in weeks! And to think it was a daily after dinner routine pre-Eli. Was looking forward to a quiet half hour in the living room with me, myself and my well-cut organic apple when I heard the distant sounds of wailing through the walls. Needless to say, I tried ignoring, hoping optimistically that it'll die down on its own. But you know, newborns are beings who have all things underdeveloped except their lungs.
5 mins is quite a feat already, I tell myself, as I quickly made my way to the crying boy who is simply yearning for his mother's touch.
He's now sleeping on my chest, listening to the familiar heartbeat as it soothes him to sleep once again. This is me typing an entry on my iphone in a not-so-comfortable lying-down position, which I know is going to leave me with pains and aches later. Nevertheless, it's a comfortable position for Eli. And that's important for a new parent. Bad rest is still better than no rest. And of course, practicing endurance and adaptability, other characteristics reinforced with this new love. You gotta have them to make this journey work.
I'm learning little by little. Trying to be a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a competent employee, a human being. It's like moving to a next level in my life and examples of achievements are Eli's simple laughter, his occasional cooing to my conversations with him, and being able to finally put him to bed on this lazy afternoon.
Nonetheless, I'm sure more achievements will surface as Eli grows in this lifetime, with me learning the ropes in a crash and burn manner as I continue perfecting my role in this endearing but challenging parenthood journey.
It's about time to put him back in his cot... Shall do this discreetly before he wakes up in the next half hour for his next feed. If luck is on my side, I could steal a half hour for some me-time to finish up the slices of succulent apple already in process of oxidation.
Ah, darn it...