Destination for rants, for raves, for self, and for the people who cared about the puny one in the big big world.
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
suffering produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us.
Felt I put up a good performance for the entire session. I say performance because I felt I could only sugar coat my replies in a manner understood and accepted by my interviewers. This performance was much more difficult than expected, because I was defending a battle that was already biased at the beginning. Both parties were looking at the situation with different perspectives, understanding and level of acceptance. Rest assure, that I was often graceful and tactful in my replies. And I'm glad I was able to do that.
Truth be told, I came across as a candidate of contradiction. Some aspects which they loved and some which they couldn't comprehend. And the incomprehension led to an immediate dislike, even when they have never experienced the good or the bad side of it. Simply because they heard stories of this unknown.
I found myself listening to their theories of what an entrepreneur should be like - with their risk taking attitudes, impulsive decisions, not taking orders or ideas from others - basically traits which they felt unfit for the role. A silent thought kept creeping up on me. "Are you an entrepreneur too?". They are not exactly wrong, some entrepreneurs could be like this. But that's because it's their business. If it's other people's business, I'm sure they cannot care less. It's all a matter of context.
Needless to say, they were rather concerned with my experiences as an entrepreneur, because they felt my entrepreneurial aspect would not be a good fit on the corporate administrative role. The assumption was because if I'm an entrepreneur, I should be all the traits they've mentioned. Should they read E-Myth revisited by Michael E Gerber, they should know that behind every business person, is a human with a basis of administrative work - the basic worker/manager. The entrepreneurial aspect is the basis of foresight and ideas. They work hand in hand.
In a way, I was badgered because I was different. The differences between my two varying skill sets in the corporate and entrepreneurial aspects stuck out like a sore thumb. These skill sets gave me a balance of skills, taught me experiences to deal with people of different natures, gave me varying perspectives to come out with more solutions to a problem, and allowed me to have greater foresight in my planning and decision making process due to the enlarged area of knowledge.
To me, they were always a good thing. But at the interview panel, it now seem like my Achilles heel, signaling a red light, alarming the people I need to please, that the additional and differing skill set could potentially prevent a conformation to their culture, to the work. That I might be a challenger of systems, a restless individual who hates mundanity. In essence, the horrifying animal of Generation Y.
Perhaps it's the stereotyped they have on entrepreneurs, which I reckoned they have never been, or of seeing unique individuals such as myself with contradictions they have never come across. I was perceived as an individual threading on thin ice between a person they would like to hire, and a person they are trying to avoid.
Do I see myself different from them then? Yes and no. Yes, because I'm certain at some point of their lives, they would have thought about their dreams, just like I did. Whether to go after it, or live without pursuing it. They would also have the little something which was unfulfilled, and always contributing to that silent "what if" at the back of our minds.
Yet, we are different because as a Gen Y, I took sometime to find out the pot of gold at the other end of the rainbow, and I learnt precious knowledge in the midst of the journey. Knowledge which would now be difficult to explain or describe to the others.
To them, they only saw a search which mounted up to nothing. They saw nothing but a detour of one's journey, which could otherwise have been avoided if we heeded their advice. But truth is, because they didn't experience this detour, they will never understand that the pot of gold was never really a pot of real material physical gold. There might be nothing at the end of it. But there's always something on the way to it.
To me, my pot of gold is the new life perspective which I can now have, on top of what I've already known in my 28 years. My 2-year gap, which seemed like a detour to many, became the best learning journey of my life. My pot of gold was much more than I've expected. It's a pity that this gold is my currency in my world, and will not be the common currency until the rest can see the value of it. Until they realise the true value of my currency, I'll always be masked as a Gen Y, restless and inconsistent, misunderstood by the eyes who fail to see the pot of gold right under their noses.
I crave to see how my pot of gold looks like to different individuals. It might not work with the interviewers, but I'm sure there are others who appreciate it as much as I do. Few, I might say for now, but more to come, I must add.
The interviewers asked how I see myself in 5 years time. By that time, I would have really hoped this pot of gold would have been grown into a larger pot, in a currency which many could use and see. But only if you let me be.
Zee
Doesn't matter for the little adjustment if it does not cost them anything but cost you more.
It's been sometime since I intended for anything. She reminded me that when intention seems to cease, it's always good to start intending from smaller things. And amazingly, the trains waited for me today as I hopped on it, I reached my appointment on time (through public transport!), had a lunch date with Meeiting out of the blue in the spare hours I have, hoped onto my intended bus within 5 mins (what I wanted too!), and got a seat in the oh-so-crowded bus! All starts with a little intention! If intention is about getting things your way, I sure am putting my talents to good use. Talking about talents meeting needs, I'm sure I am finding a purpose through intention!
Regarding last year, the only word that came to my mine was "cope". I was coping with many things, and most importantly, I was really coping with marriage life. Instead of taking baby steps into creating a new stage in the relationship, I'm basing my knowledge of the new stage based on experiences from the dating stage. This has not helped me at all, and I'm coping at a whole new level in a sudden grandeur when I should have taken baby steps instead! Hence, this year would be a year of exploration of my relationship with Wenyao, taking baby steps to find out who he is for what he is, and from there, find out what I can be as a wife, confidante and best friend. It's taking baby steps, and hopefully a baby too in the midst! ;) (just maybe!)
I realized instead of feeling worried and about getting ready for my third world, I'm actually rather ready for the third world. (That's a shock!) And it has been sometime since I'm ready. Since October to be exact. I've wanted so eagerly to start on a new journey after all the leanings I had in the last 2 years, but apparently, because things didn't turn out as fast as I wanted to, I became bored in the process. And that caused the lethargy and the disappointments from all the vexing wait. It's not that I'm not ready, but I am! Just waiting for a corporation or a kind soul to utilize my needs! I need to find a purpose for my talents! Haha, and I can't seem to find it yet. But I do hope I can soon! Perhaps this new attitude might bring new journeys and experiences, and I would be putting my good talents of intention into good use this time.
I'm ready world! Are you?!
Zee