sunday

i woke up in my hostel on a sunday...
and u noe y...
yeah yeah...on duty...

been slacking these few days really..
i mean academically...
have been bzing around with the bbq n stuffs..
haven had time for revision..
and my readings are piling up..
man...this is getting bad..
feel like another slackey day lei...

haven been going home this weekend...
think my parents are going to kill me..
hai...hope everything is still ok..
i miss them abit really..
so wierd....

will be meeting wy for a play later..
hope shark is able to accomodate..
if cannot then die le..
hai...

ok la...gotta go make myself bz already...
very broke...gross
where did the money go????

Hahaha

finally did my painting..
but think it looks horrible..
hope wy will like his surprise though..
hmm...
budding artist in the making..
well..
it probably looks like crap
see see see!!!


and my 'work table'!!!


haha....so excited...dunno wad he'll say..
decide to paint more next time..
must improve!!!

btw went for the experiment today..
hai...finally know wad gays feel man..
so pain..
think my arsehole so much bigger...
wad if gravity becomes too strong and shit juz falls thru?
well...all for 200 bucks

beggars cant choose rite..
hai..time for bed...tschuss

n wash up of work table....

sms
from a friend whom i haven't seen in ages....

john(8:32) : where are you sitting?
zy (1200): opps...paiseh...forgot to bring mobile juz saw your msg..
join (12:28): ya, is ok. I saw you ah. Getting fatter le, get your diet back! Ha
zy (12:29): haha

what a way to start a conversation man...or should i say he juz ended it?
Gross

she loves you

She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah

You think you've lost your love
Well, I saw her yesterday-yi-yay
It's you she's thinking of
And she told me what to say-yi-yay

She says she loves you
and you know that can't be bad
Yes, she loves you
and you know you should be glad

She said you hurt her so
She almost lost her mind
And now she says she knows
You're not the hurting kind

She says she loves you
and you know that can't be bad
Yes, she loves you
and you know you should be glad

Oo, she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
And with a love like that
You know you should be glad

You know it's up to you
I think it's only fair
Pride can hurt you too
Apologize to her

Because she loves you
and you know that can't be bad
Yes, she loves you
and you know you should be glad

Oo, she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
And with a love like that
You know you should be glad

And with a love like that
you know you should be glad
*************************
backbeat...

all grown up
Sunday 22/08/04
11:58pm

went to my granny's place today..
been a while since i went there..
went to church at the old place too..
haha...surprisingly they still remembered me.

decided to spend quality time with my little cousins..
not sure when was the last time i actually played with them..
the old routine was...go granny's place...have lunch...play with cousins...
think ever since ning's death i stopped somehow..
it became...lunch, sleep, and gone.

the little kiddies have all grown up..
think the last time i remembered looking at them feeling elated was at my birthday in march..
and i didn't even played with them...haa.

first leader of the pack was gin aka "look wad i have"
then was sheanne..aka..."big sister big"
then comes to ziqin...aka..."touch me and i'll @#$^&%!"
next is little keanne..aka..."lost kid"
then the littlest one...zidane....aka "food!" aka "ooh...time to play!"

i used to be the leader of the pack too...until i grew up...
i was the 2nd generation...now is they are the third...
hai..the 2nd generation are all grown up...but i dun feel any much elder.
my aunt (in law) was commenting the first time she saw me i was like them now..
like doing girly stuffs and colouring...which i was helping them
then she said and suddenly i grew up..
started giving me a massage and ask me to relax..
wierd feeling... felt abit of nostalgia though...good n bad at the same time

then all the kids came and we had our share of fun...
jumping onto one another and little zidane came over as well..
not knowing wad he was getting in to..
until he rolled down the bed..
glad he wasn't hurt though and everybody started cracking up..
and me like a little kid =)

my monkey cousin vernon (2nd generation) joined us as well...
haha...he made me love boys really..
we fight together all the time..
but it was friendly..
although we get bruises all the time..
but laughters too!

not sure why i'm writing them down..
but i guess in a few years time...i'll really see them in a different light..
they'll be grown up and soon to be like me..
hmm..that'll really be sad..
cos they will lose that fun they used to have like what they had today..

sometimes i wish if ning was here things would be so much easier..
maybe nothing would be change...but i guess it did
and the scar remains..
it has been 3 years..
really long... not sure how it would be if she was here right now...
think she'll be really happy if she was at my birthday party..
her fav color was pink...and i used to diss her for being so girly
haha

yupz...maybe the reason sometimes i'm shunning from my family is because something was amiss..
but i guess i still managed to retained that back...now that there's little zidane...i guess things aren't so bad for their family... yup...that's all i wanted to say...shall post their pics around if i can find them though...but think i only have qin's pic though...haha...pretty ger i must say...fiery hair and temper..haha

alrite time to sleep..
long week ahead..
taa

poof

finally finished one chapter of the psy text book.
can realli drive ppl crazy man...i'm like counting down to the last page lor.

sometimes i wonder what it feels like to disappear..
being invisible and just standing around watching ppl..
i'm sure it'll be quite fulfilling...haa
to see ppl in different light.

hmm...it's actually quite a boring day though..
went swimming in the morning..
very determined to learn freestyle..
but feel like struggling inside the water rather than swim.

tick tock..
two mins to two..
bed time soon.
but not tired..
shall rest and hang around though
tatata

trimmed...

went for a haircut today..
very nomalised now..
think after a month i'll look exactly like any mom, mick , marry..
hai..

got a surprise from wy today..
he gave me my first ever soccer ball!!!
haha
so exciting..
shall try juggling them n kicking them as soon as my ankle is healed..
haha

went swimming today..
asked everyone to go but kenna rejected
so stress to swim in src pool..
took off my clothes n jumped in the pool asap

hai...a boring day realli..
something wrong with the claims
m getting worried already..

pay it forward

haha...decided to do a good deed today
went to the csc 'grant a wish' booth and decided to buy a kid a pair of school shoes..

went jp to meet wy after school..
think he like look so much bigger since i last saw him..

yupz..bought the kid us masters shoes..
haha...the one i used to wear in the past.
it's amazing how times flies.
all these years passing by me...think i can remember something significant at every age i think..
haha...

ok doks...shall go take a nap now..
really slack...no good..the readings are killing me btw..

went to swim today...lifeguard told me that my hands are swimming the wrong way...will try to improve tomorrow...realise i do like swimming
haha..saw a synchro swimming smiley...damn farnie ===>

tomorrow shall go cut my hair...will go from to someone more demure..
hopefully it wont become
tat will be so arrggh..
aniwaez...think i better take some pic of my hair now to leave some memories..
haha

okok..enough crap..gotta go

miss spongebob

damn tired..
slept throughout the lectures today..
by the time i got to the bazaar i was half dead.
still had to trudge back to hall to nap.
didn't had a good sleep either.

wierd day..
shall not say anything about it.
just a pure wierd day.
never felt this way b4 and frankly speaking i hate it.
i hate it i hate it.

let's just hope everything will pass.
not sure what i want too.
gross...what the hell is happening...
not a nice feeling though

not able to stay positive
as much as i want to
trying to keep myself bz but dun seem to work

sleep over it...they say
it works...only for that 8 hours where ur eye closes and the night comes onto u
but not in the morning when u wake up
and the burden seems heavier

yeahyeahyeah
let's just see how bad it will go then
ciaoz

splat!

After we go to sleep
Our sun rise
I will make it the truth of painfully helping me cover up things
I wish I never had found

Confident
Tangled up in a nice life
Put the spider in you

Watching in disregard
You live a nice life
With the spider in you
I saved myself for someone somewhere's sweet caress

Something goes wrong
And all I sought was happiness
And so

In right wing fashion
We'll nurture xenophobia
And be strong

In right wing fashion
With paste and generosity
Because no one is safe
From someone somewhere's sweet embrace

And so I have simply decided to dislike you now

5:18

i guess life just got worse after five mins.
how bad will this go?

5:13 AM

went for the comm treat..
feel a sense of consternation.
it was a time when hearts were touched.
they were surprised i didn't say much.
but i guess it's just me..

wierd how ppl can come together
when 6 months ago everyone was strangers
wierd how much bonds were built and things somehow worked well after all..
perhaps not wierd.
but amazing.

life's still pretty much the same.
sometimes you just dunno what you're crying for
ain't that a shame?
but don't you just hate it when you are face to face with reality..
and in the end have to run away from it?

tsk tsk

will be dying soon if this continues though.

Ghosts

The ghosts of the past are back.
They are different faces every time.
They are outside but they live in me.
Just waiting for the time to attack.

I've lost once again.
Dying slowly.
Whoever says time passes fast.
They lied.

Bizarre Love Triangle
Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine, but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind

There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way, I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday

I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

laughter
it hides everything

Wednesday

just came back from west coast...had some fun over at the playground
imagine 8 ppl in their 20s fooling around..
climbed a pyramid...could actually feel the fear...
haha...used to be more courageous in the past...mellowed down into a mouse
was lying there against the sky and feeling really relaxed..
when my mind start fooling around again..
guess it cannot listen to its owner..
tot the day would be different..
perhaps a happier wednesday...
but when things die down and u're alone in your room again...i guess that's not the case
i'm feeling nonchalant
almost sense-less
perhaps just a longing...
for things to get better again..
or perhaps things were wrong in the past..
hence this.
what is the right way then?
do you know? do i?
or am i just ignoring myself.
mind's not listening to its owner again i guess.

confused

not sure why...just the first day of school and i'm getting all tired already
the bee hive problem finally solve...wad a day!
school's started and work are piling...things are starting to get hectic..
realise i'm not putting in my best on my responsibilities
so tired over everything..
just don't feel like thinking..wanna just keep busying myself till my mind stops thinking
feel so guilty...but i haven't done anything yet
probably my thoughts did
everything is slowing down and i'm letting it go slow
too difficult to do what i want to do..
thoughts are raging...blog makes no sense..
i'm picking up everything n anything at once and typing in a nonsensical way
days are long..
sometimes i wish they'll be longer sometimes i don't
wonder what i want actually..

sat morning....
in hall...
need for emergency shopping...
dinner is tonight..
no idea what time n place
alumni dinner somemore..
i'm like wad...21 only rite?
oh man...life is olding

Oh man....haven't been writing for like almost 4 months....
probably just update whatever have been happening..

1)sportscamp
2)sportscamp
3)sportscamp

basically the top three equates to holidays' ending, a not so fun korea trip...
hmm...not getting the hang of blogging after so long...
shall watch tv first...blog later

lalala...
mode: boring day