paranoia is killing me.
killing as in literally killing...really wish i were dead...
not the process of being killed...but drop dead..and just that.
why...cos i can't take the pain.
rationality is not inside me anymore.
is it his fault? nope!
just my own. sometimes i think i inherit some things from my brother.
sometimes u just wish u were never born..
i wanna run away...but at the same time i can't
don't mistook that i am pessimistic...
i'm not...at least not today... i actually smiled today..
many times really.
i met a junjie for lunch..nice of him to ask me out for a meal
i met jien during research participant...haven seen him in ages..
god made known to me his prescence then. hard to explain but yeah..i know u r there.
n jeanette went to the bazaar with me.
throughout these periods...alice n jj were constantly around.. day n nite..candies and crying shoulders...
not forgetting ppl like qijia n bran.. who tried to ask about me now n then..
n buddie...for not asking anything but offered a refuge =)
for eddie n eric for their smiles and concern along the way...
for aunt florence who just seem to send the right sms at the right time...
wy who's totally exhausted and still hanging there...i hope i can finally understand...
mommy for not asking anything although she knew i was bothered...
and daddy who actually remembered i wanted to buy biotherm's abdo choc!
it's not the gift that i'm happy about...it's the thought of him remembering..
drives me crazy!
i love my dad to sms me...cos i think he juz can't stand me growing up sometimes.
and being away from him too...
so many horrible days and it's so wierd that there are so many happy things around and i was too upset to be aware..wad is wrong with me?
jj was right when she said "think about the rest who are around you..."
that made sense!
i cried everyday for the past few weeks..including today...but today is different..not tears of sorrow but tears of joy!
i'm really happy.
today is a good day and i don't want it to end
2 comments:
Maybe it's this amazing affinity we share.
I have no habit of reading blogs, but somehow, after I met you this aftnn, some unknown force drew me to your blog... and I finally knew what my dear friend has gone thru recently...
At some point of time, we may live for another. But at some other time, we live for ourselves. I guess we have to oscillate btwn the 2 as n when appropriate.
You're stronger than you think you are =)
Don't force yourself to 4get... at least to me, I feel that wldn't work. I don't know...
Let whatever emotions (sorrow, joy, misery etc etc) penetrate you fully...
Just someday, you would have set aside that painful memory unknowingly. And when you think about it, you no longer is affected anymore.
That's when you've really gotten over it. Is it not?
Don't ever think 'easier said than done'. It's actually all up to us (",)
Take care zy...
PS: Too much literature, becoming naggy...
A little part of a song for you =P
"You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come runnin, to see you again
Winter spring summer or fall
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there
You've got friend"
com on girl... ur list of friends who cares abt u goes on a lot longer than that.. =)
everything happens for a reason... somehow someday we will all know why...
cheer up k?
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