Monster being

My head is spinning,
Round and round it goes.
My thoughts swirled,
Cotton candy-like rolls,
Fluffy and soft.

I used to stand at the window,
Waving goodbye as you go.
Down the stretch of road,
Leading to the block,
Until you disappear beneath the shadows.

I used to be kind,
Smiling at people as they go by.
Looking at every angle,
Considering beauty in its kind.
When did the niceness fly by?

Love has gone away,
An ominous darkness looms.
Patience for people, well-meaning wishes,
Gone in a twist, in its absence,
A stronghold of anger.

Not myself, I used to think.
Growing self, a frightful jinx.
A being, molded hard by intolerable souls.
A body, tousled and tramped by the world's unknown.
Still stuggling to find the real me.