FAT

Some ppl often commented how conscious I am about my body size. I'm not thin, but I'm not extremely overweight either. Perhaps I should explain a bit why I get seriously worried whenever I seem to put on negligible weight when others feel I still look the same.

Was on the way home from grocery shopping with my parents today when we stopped at a traffic light. My dad pointed to this lady who is walking next to the road and asked me "What will you do if you grown to be her size eventually?" The woman was bigger than me, very much taller too. I said, "I'l never be her size cos she's way taller than me." Knowing my dad was talking about the horizontal size rather than the vertical size, I just wanted the conversation to stop right there. He prompted me again and I just said, "Do you want me to tell you I'll probably die than to have a size like that?" Then he went like, "I'm not saying that." So I said "what's your point in asking that question?"

My mother chirped in and said, "He's saying maybe you should start slimming down a bit if you don't wanna end up like her." She's always like that. Asking me to eat less, do more yoga, things which will make be supermodel like.

My dad defended himself, "I never said that, I was just asking a question." Then I asked again, "What's your point?" Then my mom, being the translator of his heart chirped again, "You are not fat, you are OK, we just think you'll be prettier if you lose that few KGs." Then I said, " You said I am Ok, so why do you want to change how I look now?" Then she went, "You'll look nicer if your tummy was flatter." I just stopped talking.

That is the reason why I am obsessed about my weight. I get this questions from time to time. I even have to suck in my tummy whenever I walk pass them while they are watching TV. I get comments that will drive my whole day to the lowest point just like that. It doesn't mean I'm not happy about how I look. Maybe it just feels how unacceptable they are about how I look. Sometimes I think my parents will be the happiest ppl on earth if they learned I was anorexic.

Seriously, how am I supposed to constantly be unconscious about how my body changes when I have eyes watching me whenever I am relaxing. A tummy out will send tongues wagging. Trust me, I sound exaggerated but it's true. I go my granny house wearing the clothes that cover the essential areas that send ppl talking.

The first thing I get when I reached Singapore from US was my mom saying," I thought you said you didn't eat well over there, I think you came back bigger." What a welcome home speech.

So if you see me not eating, or eating less than usual, please do not comment on me losing weight. I just don't want to gain another pound, only to get more and more depressed with each comment. Worse, please do not tempt me with any food because the consequences are dire. Not me being unhappy about myself, but others being unhappy about how I look.

I was so pissed off after the whole conversation, I just told them they were teaching the wrong things. I wouldn't want my kid to feel unacceptable just because she has more pounds than others. That doesn't make her uglier or more stupid, or someone of bad character. So please think twice before you comment about ppl putting on weight or less weight. Seriously, I don't think it will have any effect on the person's character, on her role as a child, a friend, or a colleague.

My friend once commented that one can never say another person is fat. I was curious and asked why. He said this kind of comments makes one do irrational things which will have serious consequences. I agree. Google karen Carpenters on the web.

I try to not care about how I look, but I need the help of others around. So stop saying I'm conscious when you are the one making my conscious. In fact, some ppl just don't care, and I'm really learning to be someone like that. Maybe my parents should know why I like to hang around with wy more than him. He accepts me way off than them. At least I can sit in front of the tv munching chips the whole day without anyone commenting on how much my tummy is expanding.