pek cek!

got so pek cek with the residents...the whole pantry is a mess...clogged sinks, dirty floors, oily counters, burning leftovers on the hotpan....gross...decided to send an email to them...this is like dunno how many times i sent an email regarding the same things...looks like the difference between all the emails that i sent were the decrease in tolerance level when typing them out!

here's the transcript... the one in brackets are the ones which i wished i had included!


PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING> HIGHLY IMPORTANT

Dear residents,

Just some housekeeping reminders(!!!)... (in case you dunno some of the terms i've used...kindly check the dictionary...cos i realised past emails don't seem to work...)

1) The sinks are choked again.(@#$@%@$%@) Please do remember to use the filter. For those who have no idea what a filter is, it is the device that is placed at the area where the water flows out. (If you still have no idea....please come knocking on my door...524 and i'll personally show you what it is and how it is to be used) Please remember to use that when you are washing your dishes. Kindly dispose whatever residue (the solid food that is washed down from the dirty plates) that is left after the washing. The sink in the third pantry is very badly choked. Seemed like someone had dispose oil through the sink (you know who u r...there are only two vietnamese cooking there). As for the other two pantries, the filters are not utilised as much as they have to (meaning please use them all the time!). Chokes happen quite frequently (very frequently to be exact...you don't wanna make me ask you to pay for maintenance rite?).

2) Please remember to wash your dishes straight after cooking (I know who you are). Please do not leave your dishes overnight. Dishes that are left overnight give off a bad smell, and they attract pests as well. (i'm gonna throw away every pot and pans that are left overnight)

3) Please clean up any spill after you cook (This pantry is not yours alone!). Our poor cleaning aunties have to help clean up any oil or sauces that are spilled over the counter (FYI, they are not suppose to be your maids...you clean up your own act). In addition to that, it makes the whole pantry look like a mess, not forgetting they attract pests as well (u realise more mosquitoes now? maybe they breed from the stagnant water from your unwashed pots).

4) Please do not place wet pots on the hot pans (told you many times already...hot pan spoil...everyone has to pay! i'm not going to ask for pardon...think you don't deserve it!). This might actually cost a black out because of short circuit. We don't want any refrigerator malfunction again right?

Our hostel is our home (our home!!!! and we want it clean!!!!). Please be considerate and make this home hospitable (a varsity student cannot practice consideration makes the education go down the drain). We can all do our part (actually is a few black sheep should try to do your part to keep our HOME clean...and not dirty it!). We each have a share in doing this housekeeping. An inconsiderate act will make another very inconvenient (I think it's time for you to realise that...i stopped going to the pantries because they are so dirty!). I believe we can all work this out together (pls...pls...).

Zhengyi (super sian diao)
68748562

super grossed out by them...it's no wonder i stopped smiling when i see them...gross

victory~~!!!!

i used to enjoy teaching this tutee of mine, until i realised something which is intrinsically characteristic in her family.

i thought she was quite a sad case in the beginning...parents pressurizing her to study and sort...and at her age feeling stupid and pathetic just because the rest of her sisters are doing better than her. after a month of visits, i started to see that there was more to that than the innocent and harmless ten-year-old girl.

i started to dread tuitioning her. it was pressurizing juz to go to her house and teach and i wasn't sure why. at first i thought it was the parents having high expectations on me...then the thought dawn on me. the girl has no respect for me at all!! hai... she yaks and yaks throughout the lesson and i can't even get things done. after much persistence for her to hurry up...she juz looks at me and smirks and continue her yak. everything to her is juz fun. she can tell me she doesn't want to do corrections too!

what about the parents? they come in once in a while to ask me about her progress. i just told them she's careless and that she needs to build up her english language. there the father comes telling me how i should do...monitor her reading....show her the books to read...how i should teach blahblahblah. and the mom was telling me you should put in more effort...
how to not feel pressurize?

two incidents which made me got pek cek:
incident 1
dad: so what do you think of her progress? can make it?
zee: she's smart by nature....but she's careless...and her language structure not as strong...so need to buck up
dad: so how u think can improve?
zee: read...ask her to read more books.
dad: so why didn't u ask her to read more books? maybe u can go lib help her borrow some books...then make her read? a reading schedule maybe?
zee: <$%^^&* > i've already asked her to read...and i've chosen a book from YOUR library...she keeps complaining i give her so many hw...and she doesn't have time to read... what i would suggest is you monitor her...cos i'll only be here 3 hrs a week...better right? no matter how much i push she don't budge i can't do anything...

incident 2
mom: how's her progress?
zee: ok not bad...just her language.
mom: you must put in more effort you know..
zee: <$%^&&*> huh? i've asked her to do stuffs and she doesn't...there's nothing i can do...she doesn't seem to have the motivation to start...always very slow and all...
mom: then it's ur job to make her do it
zee: <@#@#$%^%^> er...let's juz put it this way...she simply doesn't respect me at all...it's difficult for me to teach (and i've already told her b4 of the unfinished hw and the mom didn't seem to react much to that!)
mom: girl ar...if u don't do well huh...daddy will punish u one
kathleen: punish the teacher la...y punish me
zee: (super pek cek) i can only do as much as i can...the rest is up to her and u

incident 3
mom: hey...u slim down alot recently...u on diet huh?
zee: no lei...think i've grown bigger..
mom: no lar...i think u really slim down... dieting right?
zee: no la...grown fatter
mom: haa...ok la...u continue with ur teaching.
mom walks off and come back seconds later
mom: btw ar...u're suppose to say thank you.
zee: "ha ha ha"

gross..was super pek cek after the last incident...parents always make me feel i'm not good enough...like i'm a super despo person who die die must have this tuition job...worse thing is...the parents always tell me how bz they are and employing a tutor is cheaper blahblahblah...and the kid has come to think that anybody who's poor would not have a tutor...gross..

was dreading going tuition today...cos the mom always last min change the shedule...there kathleen was again...wasting time by yakking n yakking...i swear it takes a full five mins for her to even get ready her pen to write...and another five min to flip the page...gross
there she was getting on my nerves...when she said this: i EXPECT you to teach me blahblah today"

that was when i blew my top and i said:" what do u mean you expect me to do this? how can i continue when u r so slow? if u still continue expecting me to do this or that....i'd rather not teach! do you know you are the rudest girl i've ever taught? you simply have no respect for your teachers...do you use the word 'expect' on your parents? i don't think so...so DO NOT use this word one me...and please show me respect from now on. I can play with you and talk to you...but when i am teaching...i expect u to shut up and do your work!

haa...i won...the lesson went on smoothly and she totally shut up!!

victory never taste so good...

pirated skin

haa...finally finished the new skin after two hours...should i say adding on graphics only...took a long time to find these graphics....ooh...just realised i wasted so much time on this...well well..

took this graphic from many blogskins...hehe...here there and everywhere...practicing piracy...comments comments?? hehe

abit seh now...shall go sleep...taa

work load

wonder why they have this phrase work load? it is use to as a collective noun...how much is your work load...funny how ppl can say their work load is ok...not heavy blahblahblah...when the 'load' itself means a bundle of weight!!!

gross...my work is loaded!!! 3 group projects, 2 individual big assignments...(like projects) and 2 mid sem tests!!! All in consecutive days! oh man...this week is not (school) break...but (physical)break... oh...and the work load is not inclusive of daily work like tutorials and readings...damn...

been very nua these few days...woke up yesterday late... could have sworn if somebody saw me sitting upright on the bed...they could have seen a speech balloon with these---"!!!???"
"!!!" stands for....what the hell?! and "???" means....how did i manage to sleep thru the darn alarm! missed a tutorial becos of that...went back to sleep and woke up at 10!!!!! met up with a few friends for awhile and the time stretched to 2! did abit of tutorial and watched one episode of despo housewives and the time stretched to 5!!! time dun fly...u can still fly at low speed. i dun even know how to describe...it whizzes like it is running from death!

i m getting old...and my time is short...so many things to do..i wonder what life will be like when small car comes back...let's not talk abt 4 years...even if he's like coming back in december...i think the change would be drastic....even this little room wont be here anymore... one change of lifestyle..hai

time to stop nuaing...but where shd i get started? motivation where r u? i need u now....sob sob...nuaing nuaing nuaing...u see...i'm not even concentrating in writing blog...lamenting lamenting lamenting...what the heck...waste time...haha

heartache

imagine there's a person who's singing this song to his/her beloved.
that is pure heartache. heartache is when you can actually feel the pain in your heart...not merely saying it...but not having the strength to say it when you feel it...when your whole world collapse...when you have nothing to live for...no aims and purpose. heartache is when u lie in bed and wished u were invisible...wishing it would be day the whole day...cos when nighttime comes...the devil robs you of your soul. heartache is when you live because u wanna show others that you are alive...it's when u try to save wha's left of ur dignity. heartache kills...it doesn't kill u totally but makes u a half dead... and the only pain that could get rid of it would be when u r dead. you cry urself to sleep...you stop crying bcos the tears have dried...you try to rip urself apart so that you can sooth the pain...but sadly...the only person who can help u is the one who wouldn't help.

that is sad isn't it? i feel sad for them. for both of them. the pain is hard to describe.

******************
醒来只有我一个人
分不清黄昏或清晨
空气微冷有甚么在流逝
慢慢降温一颗心往下沉

毕竟只是太短的梦
彼此终于退回陌生
我加上你两个人并不等于我们

你想我吗 会偶尔想我吗
是这样吗 飞扬的会落下
你爱我吗 如果诚实回答
可是爱也不是解答

空屋子里没有回声
等我记忆有你质问
我加上你两个人却并不等于我们

你想我吗 会偶尔想我吗
是这样吗 飞扬的会落下
你爱我吗 如果诚实回答
可是爱也让人疲乏

你知道吗 我心快要溶化
是这样吗 压抑的会爆发
你爱我吗 爱我就懂我吗
告诉我善意的谎话

告诉我善意的谎话
好让我相信我不是太傻
******************

想用一杯Latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味 你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会
看见你和他在我面前 证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的 那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退 我的防备 静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天 你会发现 真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
曾经我以为我自己会后悔 不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪 为你做任何改变 也唤不回你对我的坚决

!!!

i can't believe i finish the whole pack of bee hoon!!!!
the worst thing is i cannot even taste it other than the burning sensation of my mouth from the green chilli....how did i enjoy eating that? wierd.

disappointment

oh man...so disappointed with my tuition kid today..it was horrible.
she's like ultra smart...budden super heck care. the thing is she just dun take things seriously...and i find myself very demoralised when i really wanna teach her and she doesn't care a damn if she learns a darn thing or not. and the worst comes when her parents expect her to improve....how to improve when i push and she's not budging?! i dun know how to get her to understand why she has to study...imagine at 10 and u're wondering wad's the use of education? oh man...it juz feels totally grossed out.

there she was asking me why i have such a bad flu...but can't she see that i'm here bcos i dun wan another lag...dun wan another homework not done...dun wanna be progressing slow. hmmm...come to think of it...i dun even think i'm progressing...gross...i think i'm a real bad teacher. yeah..i m. gross

monday

haven't been blogging in a while...realised nothing much happened in the past week too. school has started and i've been pretty much bumming around...trying to enjoy wad's left of my school days.

it's really wierd cos u see how u changed from young to now. i remember telling my mom i'd wish i could be an adult quickly when i was young. could always remember her expression when she said i'll regret wad i said. yeah...am i regretting it? hah. yes and no.

she was just telling her about her growing up yesterday. asked her if she felt afraid when she got married...and she said she was just too young to understand. too young. she gave birth to my bro when she was 22. i'm graduating at that age. she said she didn't even know what fear was when she had my bro. to her everything was the same. they were pretty much brought up to think this is part of life. wad about us then? graduates think too much i think. i always thought studying university was part of life. i always thought my dad gave me quite abit of direction. primary, secondary, tertiary (university only). he didn't mention about marriage. (!!!!) he did mention getting a bf after uni days....but well.. so how now?

counting down to my last days of studying... embarrass to mention it...but i think you'll have to tear me from the walls of EA on the day of graduation. i love nus too much to let it go. or shd i say the freedom before adulthood?

today

went to visit granny today...finally discharged...on the day when she'll receive her baptism! hahaha.

walked into the ward to be greeted by many ppl..all coming to witness the baptism at the hospital...saw my granny and was going to take a bite of my lunch when my aunt asked if i have seen my grandpa. i was like 'whhaaa?'

seemed like he was admitted yesterday...the ward adjacent to my granny...the moment i walked in i went like,' ah gong...ni tai xiang popo le ar? haha...he cannot hear me la...but the rest of us were giggling...

it was quite wierd...my granny was really worried abt my grandad knowing that she was baptized...cos he didn't like it...all the daughters in the family were christians and the sons weren't...so imagine her fear when she always think of herself being converted. she felt she would be condemned by the males in the family...but one thing she hadn't realise...all her sons treat her like a god...as long as she like it was what they said.

three of my uncles attended the baptism...and she was really happy about it..cos i asked her secretly...and she didn't dare to show her happiness during the baptism...cos my grandad was around as well. ha ha ha. my aunts actually thought of baptizing him too... they say kill two birds with one stone...but my grandad is not really into this...tried talking about it to him before...it was a scary experience. hai..

heard from eno (the maid) that grandad was waiting for granny the whole day at the void deck yesterday...cos he was waiting for my granny to be discharged...was suppose to be discharged yesterday...but the doctor made her stay for another day. my granny was pretty upset cos he said my grandad cannot take anxiety and excitment. he has a weak heart. that whole event to me...was a love story. haa...never thought my grandparents loved each other before...cos i heard from my mom both were arranged marriage and my grandad used to be a wife beater in his younger days. imagine that. care for each other without the affectionate hugs and kisses. they were shy even when asked to take pics tog...haa..so lovely.

the cousins were brought there as usual...little vivianne, keanne and sheanne...they were really excited about the hospital...running here and there... vivianne is a really curious one. as her mom and i were fetching them back from the playground...she wandered towards another direction....to the lift lobby. there she saw a disabled man on a wheel chair...she curiously went to take a look at the missing legs...turned back to us and said...'ma..he has no legs' i was baffled...kids are so funny....and bold...haa. i guess that's one of the plus to have kids...then my aunt started saying,' well.. he has no legs but he is strong...' but she has already wandered towards my grandad's ward. seriously i dun think i know how to answer then....if my child were to say that. haa.

juz came back from the hospital...juz feel wierd...granny's baptized...i'm not...maybe that shd be my next step...my aunts were telling another relative abt the miracle my granny went through...she was so horrible the last weekend...and she got so much better over the last few days...haa..christ's blessings...how i wish my dad will come church with me too...now that his precious mom is converted...hah...shall drop hints to him abt it.

b4 the baptism...there is this uncle who was urging my grandpa to go witness the baptism...he was ning's dad. it was really wierd...cos he wasn't a believer...my aunt was telling me abt him not going church...she said when ning died...he went to church after a month of her funeral...and he stood up during altar call... but he didn't go church from then on....he said he had too many sins (he was quite the black sheep in the family)...but if there is a god he would believe it would be jesus christ. it was wierd...he wants to be a follower but he feared he would contaminate the religion and that's y he stayed away...then my aunt was like saying...would a healthy person need a doctor? hmm...made sense

haa...many thoughts today...looked at ppl all around me recently and i realise the less i look at myself...the more i understood the surroundings... last sunday the pastor was juz saying... sumtimes the less u do something...the more realization you'll get....contradicting...but yeah..true

gross

went to visit my granny yesterday....have been accompanying her the past few days...and guess wad....she'll be baptised today...at the hospital! very fwah!

my second uncle visited yesterday with his wife and grand daughter. i dun even know wad her name is. and seriously i think she could be called brat. there she was... screaming for a can of coke as she walks into the ward...and then i offered to take her to the 7 eleven to buy for her...and she refused. went all the way down and got the coke for her...and guess wad...she dun wan it. refused to take it from my hands...practically pretending i'm not there while she was trying to climb up a railing. i was so afraid she'll bite my head off and i had to look for her grandparents for help. wad a niece! then she gladly took the coke from her grandpa...refusing to thank me for it....worse little kid i've hanged out with. then there she was running from one ward to another ward...non stop...with her little nike sneakers slapping against the polished floor...with all the grannys in the ward staring at her making the din....at the point of moment a song sprang up into my mind. 'there she goes...there she goes again...' and there she went...running non stop....i'm starting to hate her already...hah...and guess my granny din realli like her too. hah. she was like saying she'll be worse if they do not teach her now.

back to the hair-raising issue! now i'm fantasia tanrino...according to wy...he is being very nice already... but according to me...if there's anybody who's going to describe me...he/she will probably say,' oh look, there's the nun' or 'oh that's so sad...she must be going through chemo', or 'oh...a boy' or 'oh...what an ugly girl..' or 'oh...no..' gross. one month of staying tanrino style...so scared to look in the mirror...it's horrible... damage control was done but still as horrible...if u think it's horrible now...it was ten times worse b4...i hate the woman arggh

parents haven't seen it yet...but i think my mom will laugh her head off...my dad will be shocked...and my brother will say ' why so ugly' duh. seriously i look more like the patient than a visitor when i step into nuh...gross.

fucking retard

a great part of me wants to kill a woman now..
the stupid woman who tried to cut my hair until she realises it's a tad bit too short..
until she keeps telling me all it does is a little bit of styling..
man....u shd have seen her attempt to style it..
i look like a kid whose picking up trash..
and guess wad...she didn't see that her cuts were all uneven...and she told me done...
gross...wish i could juz give her a tight slap.
after waiting for 100 mins she gave me this....and b4 that...the salon attendant din even mention abt the waiting...gross..
fucking retard is not referring to her...it me btw...that's how i look...side burns so short i look like an eediot...she says the classic cut...u mean er... the retard cut...and to think u paid a fucking 26 bucks for a hairdo which only requires a person of an IQ of 10 to do. snip snip...opps..ok

btw the shop is pro trim...in west mall...the fucking 'hairdresses' is an aunty...gross...only aunty around anyway...thought i was young enough to be bullied...gross

news

my parents always complain i don't read the newspaper or watch the news.
why should i? when all they show is dead bodies and grieving ppl..
i feel horrible.

all the dead ppl

the whole nus cohort died today.
a friend described as water splashing on ants.
easy to die. fast and efficient.
god's way of birth control....very blasphemic
we are not the fortunate one...the dead are..
cos we still have to face the sick world.
this world is sick. so is everybody.
what are we living for?

post christmas

it's already after christmas...realised i haven't blogged for ten days...which means i haven't been back to school for this long...haha

was watching this chinese tv show on channel 8, when my dad switched to channel 9...they are like showing the same genre of shows...documentary depicting lives of ppl who are obviously tragic and pitiful, evoking guilt (after my dad keeps complaining how lucky i m and how the little girl is so mature in thought), disgust (after i've seen myself still alive and kicking) and hope (looking at how the rest around them are still surviving).

Then a thought dawn on me...why the same genre of shows at the same time from the 2 channels? trying to compete against the tragedy of humanity or the number of cycles of emotional turmoil that churns in the audience? gross.... the shows suddenly don't seem as tragic after all... both channels show what ppl wanna watch. humanity is insane...the more tragic the show is...the more they wanna stuck their noses in. when their noses get scratched...they oozed nonchalance. E.g charity shows...how many have there been? 4 this year rite? (well well, one good thing about merging channels.... less of charity shows!) do they serve their purpose? is the money channelled to ppl like the old granny who sells tissue paper every day late into the night at bb mrt station? no i don't think so. pardon me for being skeptic.... i think the aim of charity shows are not so much for charity than it is for publicity. gross.

went cycling with qijia, cher, cece, ken n wy... took some pictures along the beach. that was blissful. a very blissful day with my friends and beloved. you could have painted a picture perfect until the radio reported the earthquake at sri lanka. what the hell. when ppl were wondering if their relatives and friends are still alive...there i am...thinking about blissfulness. it doesn't take two tv channels to tell u how fortunate u r...being able to eat mac, eat ramen, have fun and be with ur loved ones HAPPILLY! gross...thousands died...thousands...that's like the whole nus arts faculty...imagine coming to school with the whole faculty missing...bcos they are all buried 6 feet underground. gross.

alritey...getting emotional...these few days eating too much...thank god brandon cancelled the steamboat...hai...what's the probability of a human from dying...i should say it's very high...judging from the natural disasters and wars all around the world...so why do we keep lamenting that we are unfortunate from time to time? humans...

malacca (pseudo johore)

woke up early yesterday cos my parents asked me to go malaysia with them...
was happily anticipating a day of shopping and munching in johor...cos that was the place my mom said we would be going..
even the destination on the arrival card was reported johore.

then my dad started saying about the long drive to malacca..
and i was like u gotta be kidding...just go johore and go malacca the next time..
quit talking about it... then my father looked baffled and said then y is he driving towards the second link..
and i happily said u gotta be kidding...and i looked at my mom... and she was like i told u we were going malacca..
then i was like u said johore..and she went...'malacca is not in johore?' stupid bimbo.

the drive was delirious...too long and i hate long journeys!!!
felt like i was on a 'thief ship' (jei chuan)
everything was getting on my nerves because it was a damn long freaking ride...gross

we ate the rice ball chicken rice...it was amazing...the rice ball can bounce! many times actually..
taste was nothing amazing though..haha
then we went to this souvenior shop which i initially refused to go in...cos i tot they only sell the durian kuey..
guess wad...there were so many things inside...
my mom was exclaiming how much we spent on food..when she commented...'even though she (me) claim that i was on the jei chuan...i think it is both of us who got robbed' hahaha.

then my dad was commenting on how i always teh him when i have problems that need his help...how bad my temper is and everything...seriously i do agree with him! hai...but it only happens to both of them...my parents i mean...my temper get so bad around them n i dunno y...hai..feel so bad...

we did managed to shop abit though...went around in about three hours...then another three hours drive back...hai...n got stuck in traffic along the way...lost our way... thanks to my always over-confident dad.

went to buy stuffs for xmas presents! hai...super broke...think this yr's presents will be hard work...hai...shall get started soon...plus i've got so many books to read! hai...

what makes an idol?

was on the way to jp to collect my specs...took 96 to clementi.
went down the bus and i was caught in a shock.
there was someone singing...a voice u'll be momentarily surprised to have seen coming out from a blind woman. she was baskering in the streets...there she goes...singing 'reflections', 'whenever wherever', and many more diva sing alongs.

i could have sworn the singing was good enough to allow one to assume it was coming out of a cd.

she couldn't have been an idol...but her voice certainly does. so there i go...cos i was still early...meekly waiting for the bus juz to hear her sing.

watched 'mona lisa's smile' during dinner...it's wierd that you have got so much time to do anything all of a sudden...wished it would never end. julia roberts wasn't considered much of an idol to the parents' alumni...haa..but to the students yes...she was the idol. she was supposed to be teaching art...in a sense...felt she was teaching sociology...the show is like dead poet's society...less tragic and a little more feminist. hah...both are great films...both depicts heartland idols. but do such heartland idols ever exist anymore? wad about the blind lady? whatever happened to what's pure?

sylvester or taufik? idol? kelly clarkson or ruben studdard? clay aiken? this is what is known of idols nowdays...haha...pretty superficial. have u ever wondered who's ur idol? who u wanna look up to? it's wierd cos i've always wanted to be so many things in my life...from young...a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a designer, a journalist, a merchandiser, a homemaker, a volunteer...wonder where will i stand in years' time. would i be any of these? hah. but i've always wanted to make change to where i will be. it's something of an idol...somebody who inspires...who amazes and who has a great big heart! hmmm...will i be that someday? perhaps...in my mind...that's wad makes an idol. hah.

'Reflections'

Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part

Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think how we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?

I won't pretend that I'm someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?

fustrations

do i get them? yes i do. but not in ur face! not in anybody's face! u noe why? cos i get fucked when i do that. so guess wad? fuck u all! all ur fustrations vent it on urselves! go fuck somebody else if u have to. quit using it on me.

sometimes u wonder what have u done and guess wad? the only word that comes to my mouth is fuck u. fuck u!!!! fuck fuck fuck...that's how the world works isn't it?
damn.

fuck u...the one who's reading this. anybody who's reading this. quit reading and close the window. i can't write if i know there's ppl reading this. fuck u who reads and react to me accordingly. gross. get out of my life.

i'm just a fucking piece of shit. a pathetic one who's constantly sympathizing myself. do i get a nod? yes i do! from somebody and yes...fuck u too.

what have i been doing?

well...the impulse to that question would be 'nothing'
something which i've accustomed to replying for the past few months..
but i guess there was really something going on these few days..
lemme recap.

mon: wakeboarding
tues: driving and many gatherings
wed: gym, jalan jalan, shopping (not happy shopping)

well well...wakeboarding was fun, driving was exhilarating, and the gatherings were sinful!!! imagine cakes in a sushi conveyor manner, each a spoonful, with an extra serving of creme brulee! not forgetting a cheesy fattening pasta b4 that at prego's. that was juz one gathering. the gathering b4 that was horrible as well. luckily i skipped the birthday cake...haha.

hmm...went shopping with my mom at john little...some members only event. imagine how many members they have. it was so crowded i can barely walked. the queue was so damn long...din even tried on the lingerie i bought. fortunately they fit! hahaha

was waiting for my mom at the taxi stand while she queued for the free gift (a bear with a radio component...duh!), saw many sights along the way. right across me was centrepoint with their magnificent christmas decorations. christmas is coming...my favourite time of the year. strangely speaking...i dun feel very enthusiastic about it at all. wistful if u ask me. that's how i feel. i wish it would never come. i don't wanna spoil christmas.

people were walking past. i saw couples. hand in hand. happily crossing the road. talking to one another. it's an amazing sight. very heartwarming. i see families yakking as they take pictures. i see singles walking along after a hard day's work. the season's mood is everywhere. somehow this year feels wierd. i haven't even started with my gifts...

when ppl smile...do they feel happy? how do u get that happiness back? y won't anyone feel not happy? why do you get angry at ppl who care for u? why do i shout at my mom? why won't ppl accept u the way u r? why do ppl get unhappy? where's the motivation? where's the spirit? why the wistfulness?

wierd week u ask me...i've forgotten how to enjoy the things i used to enjoy doing. it's wierd how u can forget about these. i would love to make gifts but y haven i get started? i'm dreading christmas this year. wish it'll never come.

out of the ordinary thursday

went for my first driving lesson today...
haha...and i drove! i drove!! for the first time in my life..
haha in a circuit...it's pretty exciting!!
looking forward to my next lesson...haha
at first i tot i was pretty scary...but seriously at 20km/hr would be quite sia suay for that right??

was on the bus back to school to meet jj and sihui..
sat beside this ger..
young little girl...and she was damn weird..
i mean can see she has abit of problem..
she used her leg to hit my bag...and started telling her mom she was in pain..
i dozed off in about a while and guess wad..
she woke me up by scratching her ez link card holder on my shoulder and on my hands..
and b4 she got down the bus she happily scratched a few more times and gave me a sly smile..
omg...but anyway think she's abit bonkers...hai..
but lucky i'm in a good mood...bcos of the driving!!!

i msged my dad abt my driving..
guess wad he replied?

daddy: no big deal right?

hai....wad a splash of cold water..
haha

driving...ooh la la...driving ooh la la...driving ooh la la!

i became an ah sam today..
reached my room at about seven plus...started cleaning up..
cleaned my tables, my shelves, stacked books together, got rid of unwanted things...
wash my clothes, wash my bedsheets..
think my mom would be really glad if i actually did all these at home..
hahaha..

well well..
the good news is...
i'll be having my first practical driving on thurs!!!!!!
ooh la la!!!!
so excited!!!! feel like doing the roundabout dance...u noe the one that u clapse ur hands together in a ring then start dancing by circling ur butt?? *jj think u noe wad it is...we did that when we won the table soccer game* hahaha

so excited...my day's pretty planned i think. not that bad for a start..
today: nua abit here n there...read all the driving books
tomorrow: go for driving theory practice...read tha practical book...start xmas preparation
thurs: go for driving practical...then theory evaluation...then meet jj n sihui to sing sing sing..lalala
fri: meet jj to attend the contact lens solution workshop training...go for jean's bday party..

hmm...wad bout sat?? anyone wanna jio me??
hahaha..

so excited about the driving.. *dancing*