a boring blog

I haven't been updating since that fateful fire. Work's pretty hectic and I've been told I'll be working European hours soon. Grossed out.

Read so many people's blogs recently. All circulated around cos they were funny. Haha. No wonder mine never got circulated around. It's so not funny. To be blunt, pretty much boring.

First. No pics.

You must have realised (whoever you are who actually reads a boring blog) that I never posts pictures! Haha. I also dunno why. Wait lemme think, maybe it's cos I don't have the raw material to start with. Yes! A camera! hahaha. I really have no idea what kind to buy. But before that, I'll still need the cash to buy the RAW MATERIAL. ARggh.

Aniwayz...i'm been thinking how people get their blog to be so funny. Yeah...I can laugh with frens when I'm out. How come I can't get the laughter into writing? Hmmm.

Anyways..this is a total crap entry.

Haha. Gotcha for reading it! (Oh...i m so trying too hard....)

Fire!

Woke up very early this morning. Opened my eyes just as the radio clock chimed. Usually would take me about half hour to get out of bed.

Got to the office. Suddenly realised I many be overdressed. Tom's holiday, others may wear informal...what the hell. I was clad in 3-quart sleeve black top and pants and heels!

Moment I got into office it felt wierd. Matt (a consultant) was at the ground floor talking on the phone in a worried manner. The security guys were moving around and not slacking in their usual position. People from other offices were commenting about some air-con malfunction.

Stepped into the office and there was burning smell all around. I could literally smell plastic being burnt. Then I heard there was a fire because the air con burnt out. The server room was down...not sure if the comp was still working. But the floor where I worked was pungent. Not forgetting there were no windows. The whole place was sewn with soot. But wierdly, the place was not burnt. Goodness knows where the soot come from. I swear the layers of ashes on my office was so gross there was soot stuck in my nose!

Cleared up some stuff before the professional came to clean up. My stuffs were so dirty I could barely clean them. Hai...was tinking of taking leave on Monday or Wednesday and now my leave is approved...half day only, and unexpectantly. Gross...so suay for such things to happen.

I was cleaning up with some of the girls until I realise there were guys standing around. I'm ok the boss is not doing anything, but I'm seriously surprised to see the sales guys standing around trying to look important and not helping. I have never seen such ungentlemen ppl. Not one, but many. Most likely hating to get their shirts dirty. If it was sports club, all the guys would help. Gross. What is the world coming to. I just hate that 'pretending to look bz' look. Totall gross me out.

Didn't help much also. Left when the asst head left. Not sure what to do even. Pretty traumatized, cos the toxic smell was really getting into me. I guess the world is this practical. You only help those who will help u next time. That's sick!

It's really thankful that nothing was burnt. If the comp were all down, I would imagine alot of structural changes, meaning less bonus, less workers etc. Boss must be pretty pissed off. What a suay thing to happen. Worse it's the eve of the festival of light (fire). Oxymoronic isn't it? hah.

The World and God

I'm not a christian who gladly preaches to friends around in the hope of converting their religion. I don't do this because I hate the situation where what comes out of my mouth degrades God rather than upholds him.

I made a mistake in my speech today. My mom said that comment right in my face. You christians think that you are so holy and high up above that you don't seem to respect others. I was stunned and I don't know what to reply. I just kept quiet hoping that one day she can understand. I remembered my aunt talked to me about gentleness in christ. Gentleness does not mean you are weak, it merely shows your ability to control the situation by controlling your fustrations without making things worse. She said God will understand. But I still felt guilty cos I was a bad testimony to at least one person.

My brother is currently writing a 4000 word essay. I believed that is his first time doing the essy and seriously speaking, I haven't done so much words before yet. He has been pretty vexed over it because he seems to get stuck here and there. With his first experience, he is super confused about references and plagarism.

Worst, he is writing an essay about satanism. About how the ignorance of people are led to believe satanism is wrong and that it is the result of injustice in portrayal, by the media, by the people, by the church.

I feel so wrong just to help him with his essay. I saw the things he wrote and I just felt how could someone be brainwashed till any sane person reading it would cringe at the "facts" thrown in their faces.

I tried my best as a sister to offer him to edit his language. Imagine my dilema when he asked me to write the essay for him. My mum was part encouraging it cos she felt if he got fustrated he would throw temper again and that would not be good for his condition. I kept rejecting helping him until he chucked his half done essay and asked me to do a read through. I almost puked when I got to the 5th paragraph. I tried to change part of the language but realise I couldn't do it without him finishing the whole essay. So I told him the content is comprehendable, as in anybody could understand what he was trying to argue, but I guess acceptability is another problem. Or probably it's just me.

I feel a dread whenever I come back and he asks me to complete his essay. I'm caught between family and God. And worse of all, family who cannot understand the dilema they are putting me through. I want to tell him the facts are all wrong. (Mind you when you make an argument, you gotta look at both sides, ie, read the satanic bible as well as the christian bible then you argue).

I'm so scared he'll get so stress up he'll juz blow up. I got mad at my mom when she came to me quietly and asked me to help. She said my brother called for me. I heard him call, but he just called once and that could mean he figured things out. I got fustrated and slammed my hand on the table. I helped him nonetheless. I just cannot see why they cannot see the stressed up expression hanging on my face.

War Stories

Always liked war movies, not for the gore and the action involved, but for the emotions evoked. Strangely, war talks about death and most of the time the movies do not explain the reasons behind them. Maybe it's because the reasons for war are usually very lame, stemming from greed and ignorance or even for decoy causes. Most war happened because a majority group feels that that would be for the good of humanity, and thus uses this excuse for sacrificing human lives. Dying is easy, but losing someone who died is difficult. Amazingly, this point never seem to be highlighted. If so, I don't see the reason why wars are still raging.

Nice song here. Enjoy.

Letters from War -- Mark Schultz

She walked to the mailbox
On that bright summer's day
Found a letter from her son
In a war, far away
He spoke of the weather
And friends that he'd made
Said, "I'd been thinking 'bout Dad
And the life that he had
That's why I'm here today"
Then at the end he said
"You are what I'm fighting for"
It was the first of his letters from war

She started writing
You're good and you're brave
What a father that you'll be someday
Make it home, make it safe
She wrote every night as she prayed

And late in December
A day she'll not forget
Oh, her tears stained the paper
With every word that she read
It said, "I was up on a hill
I was out there alone
When the shots all rang out
And bombs were exploding
And that's when I saw him
He came back for me
Though he was captured
A man set me free
That man was your son
He asked me to write to you
I told him I would, oh I swore"
It was the last of the letters from war
And she prayed he was living
Kept on believing and wrote every night just to say

You are good and you're brave
What a father you'll be someday
Make it home, make it safe
Still, she kept writing each day
Then two years later
Autumn leaves all around
A car pulled in the driveway
And she fell to the ground
And out stepped a captain
Where her boy used to stand
He said, "Mom, I'm following orders
From all of your letters
And I've come home again"
He ran in to hold her
And dropped all his bags on the floor
Holding all of her letters from war
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home

Everyday People - Nicole C. Mullen

Woah...finally a song that tells ppl to be neutral and live life peacefully. What's the use of bitching abt others and envying others. All comes in full circle. Hah. Super cute song. Ask me for the file!!!

Everyday People

Sometimes I'm right and I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my songs
The butcher, the banker, a drummer and then
Makes no difference what group I'm in
I am everyday people

Yeah,Yeah Listen

There is a blue one who can't accept
The green one for living with
the big one tryin' to be a skinny one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha
We gotta live together

I am no better and neither are you
We're all the same whatever we do
You love me you hate me
You know me and then
You can't figure out the bag I'm in
I am everyday people

Yall hear me when Im singing

There is a long hair
That doesn't like the short hair
For being such a rich one
That will not help the poor one
Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on scooby dooby dooby

Ooh sha sha
See we got to live together

There is a yellow one that won't
Accept the black one
That won't accept the red one
That won't accept the white one

Different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and
Scooby dooby dooby
Ooh sha sha
Well, I am everyday people

I am everday people (repeat twice)

Ooh Sha Sha
See we got to live together

Ooh Sha Sha
I said we got to live to together

I am everyday people

Memories

Will be staying with my granny over the weekend. All the members in the family are in discussion where granny will be locating to after granddad's death. But it seems like she doesn't want to shift anywhere. She however, asked for some of us to shift in with her from time to time.

My cousin said she was telling stories about her past yesterday. Her name was Kim Lian. The only name I ever knew she had. She however, told of a past none of us, not even her own children knew about. Her real name was Ah Sok, and she was an orphan who was sold not once but twice. Heard from my cousin that she mentioned that her life was hard, but the hardest was when she married Granddad. I just can't imagine the bitterness she was willing to forget and the love she had for him. I also cannot imagine how my granddad actually made her life horrible when in fact, he loved her deeply. Isn't it amazing?

My aunt is trying to write a family book. About the love story between my grandparents and how the family tree branches. I am anticipating how the stories unravel.

Got home late yesterday night. Had a good talk with my parents. I am trying to honour my parents as what God's commandments said. I want to follow what my grandpa asked me to do at his deathbed. Suddenly I missed my parents so much. Felt so much like a kid when I asked my dad if I could bunk it with them yesterday night. My dad gave an excited 'of cos' and asked me sleep between them. My mom, on hearing it refused said she'll have problem sleeping cos of the minimized space. I decided to bring in my own mattress!!!

Slept right under my dad. Felt like a kid all over again. I was sniffing throughout the night because of my sinus, and he actually turned to me and made sure I wasn't having a fever by putting his hand on my forehead to check the temperature. I felt so loved then. Still a daddy's little girl. Didn't imagine daddy would want me to sleep next to him again though. Felt really happy when he did.

I hope to be a changed person. Someone who understands and can be dependable. I know one day my parents will leave me like my granddad left his children. I don't want that to happen with regrets. I hope to have wonderful memories of my parents even when they are not around anymore. =)

Every hour is a bonus

The past few days have been a frenzy and definitely overwhelming. Time just seem to pass so fast. One minute I'm having my driving test, another I'm talking happily to my granny about the results. Next I'm visiting my granddad at the hospital, the rushing up to his ward halfway through dinner. Soon I was trembling with fear as the doctors tried to save him behind close curtains. Next, I see all my family members coming to see my granddad for the last time. I saw my granny crying her heart out yelling for the man she loved. I witnessed my granddad's baptism, then saw him wait for the return of his precious daughter and granddaughter until he breathed his last. I saw the last image of him in the hospital with all the machines disconnected as he lay peacefully on the bed.

Doctor said he was dead on Friday night. I was shooed away while they try to resuscitate him. He revived later. Doctor said it was a miracle. Now every hour was a bonus. I witnessed so many miracles. I saw for the first time a spiritual warfare in the family. My granddad talked to all of us even when he was unconscious. God is merciful and gracious. He was fighting the war for granddad's salvation.

It pained to hear what he said to granny. He said she was a lovely woman, very pretty. He was sorry he was bad to her before, and he said he had to go first. He said he loved her all the time althought it didn't seemed like it from his actions. And one day they will meet at the same place where they will be together again.

He spoke to everyone of us there. He held on until my aunt and cousin got back from Australia. I saw his heartbeat gradually decreasing from 80 to 0 for the two hours when he struggled. He said he was happy, very very happy. He said it was beautiful, the place he saw was beautiful.

His heart stopped a couple of times, and regained when more ppl came. He spoke until all gathered and he went away. Nobody cried. Everyone knew it was good.

God gave him more than 12 hours of bonus. It was a bonus to everyone. God is kind and merciful, he also gave him an eternity of bonus in paradise.

A song for a friend

You do what you have to do - Sarah McLachlan

What ravages of spirit
conjured this temptuous rage
created you a monster
broken by the rules of love
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do
and fate has led you through it
you do what you have to do ...

And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go
every moment marked
with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving
trying to escape this desire
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
but I have the sense to recognize

That I don't know how
to let you go
I don't know how
to let you go

A glowing ember
burning hot
burning slow
deep within I'm shaken by the violence
of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
and I have sense to recognize but
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

Grandpa

Grandpa was admitted to the hospital yesterday. Got this crazy feeling he wouldn't be coming out. Heard he was throwing a tandrum in the hospital asking to be taken off help and medication. He underwent an operation and is currently in the ICU. Ppl never come out of ICU, just like ning.

Remembered the time he talked to me when we were alone. He kept saying he would feel better to die than to live off medication. To live is worse than death. I remember I couldn't reply anything. Cos I felt there was nothing I could do.

He used to bring me out when I was younger. Especially bringing me to piano lessons every week. He would wait outside the teacher's house, refusing to go in even when he was invited. He stood and waited outside for 45 mins, sometimes taking a smoke watching the peaceful lives of ppl go by.

Never imagined he'll age. Just like I never thought I'll grew up. Tried to sleep yesterday but kept tossing and turning. Not sure if it was a new place I was sleeping in or was is the worry. Things just didn't feel right.

Imagine losing a husband. I would be sad to lose wy. Always told him he can never die earlier than me cos I wouldn't know what to do. Selfish? Yes. Not sure how granny would feel if she lost grandpa. Maybe we think she wouldn't feel much. Ageism brings emotions to a subtle level, makes the aged unlike young ppl, when we actually all feel the same emotions to an event.

Darn. Makes me feel mercy is by letting him go. What is real? The pain of losing someone or the pain of seeing him suffering?

Dilemma

I called Raffles la salle and asked for some advice regarding fashion studies. I was hoping to go for an advance diploma which costs about 28000 bucks for 2 years part time course. The this advisor (Gladys) started telling me it's no point getting an advance diploma when I already have a degree in some other places. She was actually encouraging a certification in merchandising instead. That's when the dilemma starts.

Raffles la salle: 15000 for 18 months, no graduation
Nanyang academy for fine arts: 3600 for 18 months, fashion show a prerequisite for graduation

Seems like the choice is pretty obvious. But the thing is, raffles la salle is more well-known than nafa, different credibilities. And I'm quite afraid nafa only provides touch and go modules and I felt la salle was more professional. One is super cheap and another need to scrimp. And nafa is 5 bus stops away from my office!!!


What shd I do?

Comments?

Murmmurings...

Back in the office at 10 am in the morning. Hasn't done any work...seems like database is down...cross fingers: no work for today.

Lugged the lappie and things that I'd forgotten to ask my parents to bring to my granny's (damnit) to work. Super awfully heavy. The laptop itself is killing me. Not forgetting the strain on my thighs from the run on Saturday. It's a fricking 3.8 km and I actually walked!!! What the hell! Ran 4.5 km on Thursday and was still refreshed. Gross...worse run ever, and I lost to my dad!!!!

Came in 6th!!! haha imagine that! The winner was stick thin! She reminds me of somebody in Africa. Maybe I'll get first if all my lards were off. This is the fattest I've ever felt in all my years as a human being. I think I'm officially going overweight!!! Arggh...the weighing scale is groaning under my weight!

Will be staying at my granny for about a week. Shall use this time to concentrate on my driving. I want to pass!!! I don't want to fail...it means another 300 bucks of which I am reluctant to give at all!!!! BBDC earns too much money! haha (will i be sued for libel? newspaper been talking about that lately...where's the free speech regime??)

I feel so bored lately, keep feeling pukish and having super bad headaches. I think the symptoms are due to something called 'workphobia'. Must be. I need to have something in my life to look forward... I want so many things!!! Why can't ppl be happy juz to be alive and not want anything? Arggh!

If I was that I'll probably be a nun, praying and knocking on the rock. But then again, I'll still have headaches and feelings of pukiness cos I'll be doing mundane work like knocking on the rock!***

Gross. I need some direction!!!

As you can see this entry is probably just crap and in case u actually spent time reading it...thank you for your time!

But since u r already here...might as well tell u more about myself.... hahaha

There are so many things I want to do!!!
1) Shopping madness
2) Spa retreat
3) Go perth and stone for a month
4) Go anywhere else as long as I'm not anywhere near Singapore
5) Sit and stone at home watch anime
6) Slim down!
7) Take a fashion course

As you can see, all these have nothing to do with work! Hai...life is boring! Somebody pls excite my life to the max!

As I've already told you, this entry is total murmurrings..so thanks for your time again...

Now you can see I have so much time at work with nothing to do today... I actually stopped my entry at *** (view above) and did some online window shopping b4 i continued.

Hai...I love the slack really...but life is so so so so so so so so boring. I think of nothing but food. Hai...

ok enough...timeout!

depressing mode (for a long long time)

Just when I thought things got better,
just when I thought I could finally do something which I wanted to do.
Just when I thought I could at least find meaning in my work.

My dad tells me he can't afford my fashion studies.
It's quite a bomb, so much that I just feel like crying and crying.
Been waiting for so long and he tells me to wait again.
I cannot imagine being in the same job with nothing to look forward to.
Always thought people are so dead in their jobs, now I'm one of them.

Worked overtime today. Feel so disgusted at what I'm doing but who knows?
Now the bomb's drop, there goes everything.
I don't expect him to pay. Just don't have the money to pay now.

Gross. This is so much worse than not getting a job. I hate waiting just for things to happen. Been waiting and waiting just to be dropped a bomb.

Grossout. Can't even choose what I want in my life. Was so disgusted I just told my mom quietly to get out of the room, I don't even want to talk.

Gross.

Muddled Monday

Came to work realising I'm not sure what I should do. My head doesn't get here till at least 3 in the afternoon and Irene isn't here yet. Bummer. Today is suppose to work OT, cos it's gonna be really really bz as I'm told. But didn't expect to see this other girl (sales dept), who worked pm shift, coming in earlier than me! I got in at 915! I guess it's really a bz day, not juz for my dept. Bummer bummer. I think I had work! Any outings ppl?!

jj n lice: I've been asking for a month and we have not met up since...bz ppl eh?!

Wish list!!!

haha was surfing throught the tiffany website when i came across all these!!! So nice...shall inspire myself to buy...and if possible..well wishers who have money to spare u know what to do! (kidding la!)

Been eyeing this necklace for quite some time..it's shaped like a bean...so cute!


Haa..the ring collections are not bad as well.. fit for everyday use!




Now this is the best!!! SUper vintage and fit for marriage...**hint hint clue clue** of cos cannot afford la..but feasting for the eyes lei...haa...looks like some heirloom that is passed down likethat...this engagement ring is called 'LEGACY'. Last time when cher told me engagement and wedding bands are different and I tot it was so leh ceh..now that i see this..haha...changed my mind.



u see...at the bottom got one more diamond one...so exquisite!


Wah...can't imagine the day when I can afford my own diamonds...it's like a standard u set for urself u noe...buying girl's best friend. Haha..a show of independence. Wonder when I can come to that. Hah!

Dead meat!

I am totally a goner. Been spending money like nobody's business. Buying things at the spur of the moment. They say retail therapy works. Yes it works! But only up to the point when you figured out your monthly expenses are way off your league and the account balance seems to be depreciating. OMG! I am officially broke although I have a job. It's already two months and I don't know where my money has gone to =( I shall put my pay with someone else. Any volunteers?

Woke up this morning dreading work. Was lying at my bed picturing my old hall room. Hai. I wished I woke up at EA. The postcards on the wall, my ever messy cupboards, stacks of notes at the side of the table. That was the good old days! Not forgetting surprised meals hung on the door or even sweet notes under door. You know who u r!! I miss all of you so much. At least when I was back in hall, there'll be someone preventing me from buying stuffs online or just buying anything!

There was bad news. There is no holiday this friday. The boss said he was trying to get a day off for all of us because of some changes to the database. But guess wad? Boss boss say got other stuffs to do. Oh man! I have been looking forward to the long weekend! (Why do I feel like I'm in the army???!!!)

I hate working. Don't mean to sound like a whiny cat!(Whiny because I'm whiny, cats because they aren't exactly the favourite things on my list)

Boo hoo...whiny whiny whiny...

Dear fellow bitches, can we have a time to bitch? Hai...think it would be good therapy. And somebody please please smack my face until I don't spend anything!!!

A nice thursday

Always liked thursday, because the next day is friday. Thursday is like an almost relaxed day. To me it's midweek =) One step further to rest.

Went to eat Teochew porriage at Maxwell. It was really good. This is one of my favourite crusine. To top it off, I think it's the best I have eaten so far. Was walking back from Maxwell when two ladies approached me, asking me some stuffs in cantonese. Imagine my look when all I could do was to stare at them with my mouth agap.

Thankfully, Irene was beside me. Within moments, I saw a whole scene of hong kong serial being played right at my face. It was exhilarating. All I could do was to smile and be nice, while trying to understand what I can amidst the gesticulation. Cantonese sound so nice!!! Remembered the time I was catching 'chong shang yun xiao' from jj. I still haven master how to sing the theme song! =(

Then I remembered how the same thing happened when I was younger. My dad used to work in Japan for a few months, and he befriended quite a few Japanese then. One was Aunty Wakana. When my dad came back from Japan, I had so much gifts from her: biscuits, beautiful scarves etc. She finally came to visit Singapore. She used to associate my name with Changi airport, and there was how she remembered me. Her English wasn't that good, I could only understand her through gesticulations and patches of English here and there.

Her friend, Aunty Izumi also visited us. She was beautiful. Think because I was a girl, both of them adored me. Hahaha. What was amazing was when they first saw me. I was reading this Enid Blyton book then and they were surprised I could understand. Imagine the shock when they saw me reading another book the next day (Yes, I was a speed reader =) ). Japanese learn English only at the age of 12.

Thinking back, I realise I have quite an enchanting childhood. There were visits from other friends of my dad as well. Uncle Sunny from Hong Kong, and this other black guy from Saint something, an Island in America and a few others.

Sometimes it's really nice to know people from other cultures. How come that doesn't apply when I grew up?! Haha.

It is nice remembering such stuffs. Later I'll be going to Kushin Bo for this Japanese Buffet to celebrate a colleague's birthday. It is a nice thursday. =)

Vengeance

Everyday on Straits Times Interactive there will be at least one news about a certain bomb that went off somewhere. People are made to meet their maker sooner than what they expected just because some vengeful others think lives must be sacrificed for the greater good. Whose greater good?

I just cannot imagine why there are people who think they are able to decide the life span of others. It may think because it will die in the process it has at least done some good. Pardon my grammer here, it's not grammatical error. I believe the 'it' I am mentioning here cannot be considered a living thing. Its heart is already dead.

I believe all of us feel deeply when someone close passes away. Even if the person is just an acquaintance, there'll still be a sense of loss. Some of us even feel sad when we see pictures of bomb victims plastering on front page news. Why can't they feel anything?

Sometimes I think it can't be blamed. Society is different everywhere. It brings up different people. Singapore brings up the kind of person who is able to have the comfort to sit and read news about others dying and lament her thoughts on her blog.

Isn't there other solutions rather than extreme measures? What about compromise? Sometimes I don't even know why I am still alive. I feel sad for those who went away first.

Bad worker

I have every right to believe I shall not get past my probation.

Two weeks ago, I asked to go off early for doc's appointment at Joyce Lim's.
Then, a week later, I took a half day cos my head and tummy were giving me trouble.
Today I have an official MC!!!

I msged my boss about it and he said take care, no big deal (cos i'm paiseh).

Hai..this is really a very bad worker.=(

Why why why?

*Basically this is an entry with two purposes: 1. tell others that I am a bad worker. 2. To get the envy of others who are mugging hard as they are reading how slack I am. (hohoho, evil evil~)*

A different me

I read through some of my past entries, including the upsaid journal. I found a different me at every point of time.

Entries at the upsaid journal felt so different. It's like I'm really writing a journal, and not blogging like what I do in here. The difference is the tone i used. Hah, made me remembered the time I wanted to be a journalist.

There were things which I had already forgotten. Amazing! And I don't even remember writing some entries. Hah.

Times flies. It's a different me all over again. A 'me' with no perspectives, nothing to look forward to, just waiting as days go by. A 'me' who sometimes feel lost over whatever is going to happen to her life. A 'me' which I don't seem to know anymore. 'Me' is constantly changing. Not for the better sadly.

I hate 'me'.

Pregnancy

I have a positive view on pregnancy. A bit too positive perhaps.

Been working around Raffles place and I've seen so many pregnant ladies. The government's publicity is doing really well. Imagine seeing three to four big-bellied woman walking towards the hawker centre, chatting and laughing. It makes me feel pregnancy is a good thing.

I've my share of positive experiences. I've seen aunts who love their children so much and still wanting to have two more after two kids. I've seen uncles carrying their kids around making sure the head count is right. I've seen doting husbands around pregnant mums.

The size doesn't apprehend me. Hah, I actually feel women are more beautiful during pregnancy. It's like a celebration of womanhood, the ability to bear children. It must feel good to have someone growing inside your body.

Not sure why I'm saying this, think I'm seeing too many pregnant women. They are like everywhere! Haha, or is it that I'm actually ready to settle down? Bah!

Another form of discrimination?

I believed I am being discriminated. For being fat and ugly.

Watched the show 'I want to have a famous face' on MTV and there was this lady who wanted to look like Jennifer Aniston. So she had a nose lift, breast enhancement, butt lift, lipo everywhere. Basically a fake person. So she could feel happier, more beautiful and have a greater sense of confidence.

This show is unlike Extreme Makeover where they only show the nice parts. The similarity in both shows are that the makeover is definitely extreme. What is different is the dirty work that goes on.

I saw fats being sucked out of her body while she lay limplessly on the operating table. The surgeon poked a thick needle up her butt, tummy and neck (I could see her the fats gurgling beneath her skin), sliced up her breast and butt to fill it up, poke up her nostrils with this huge metal stick to straighten the nose and I could see the stick moving inside at the bridge!

I grew cold. I can't imagine how she would feel after being stitched up when the anesthetic wears off. Then, shows her a few months later, she was happy, more confident and her hubby loves her.

I was like 'whaaa??'

Then channel 8 was showing a slimming down program. About fat woman who wants to slim down. Then channel 5 has a few women in villa wellness, one of two being criticised looking like a banana.

Why do these women want to look pretty on the outside. Sometimes I think women is doomed to die if they don't look nice. The clothes on the rack of most retail shops don't sell extra sizes. My friends with fat asses hate it when they go buy bottoms with me!

The image given is: fat = ugly. Is that really the truth? Sad to say I feel it is. I don't see fat people on magazines, unless to feature how much they have slimmed down. I see people trying to withstrain their laughter when they see women on the large side showing off extra skin.

Do I have to be stick thin before somebody finally says I can fit into society. Do we have to stare in shock at friends whom we haven't seen in ages, when they appear in front of us all thin and ill-looking? Is this what woman has to achieve in order to look beautiful.

I've had my share of hurt. I've heard people reminising about how thin I used to be previously and how much I am eating and how come my tummy is expanding etc. I have seen stares when my tummy gets a bit bigger and when you look at them they pretend not to look, but give you a signal to do something about it. I've had my inferior complex coming in when friends are successful in slimming but I just remain the same no matter how much I try. Sometimes, I wonder when it will stop.

I am feeling very exasperated over this. I'm not super duper huge and I'm not thin or slim either. I just feel what the society has deemed an optimal body for acceptance has made me somewhat ponder my sorry existence. I wonder if others feel that way. Which is why they are running to TV stations for free programs to slim down, hopefully by the time they have slimmed, no one can recognise the new look?

I have my share of diets. I do obsess having a good body. But don't people know they must love themselves first? Being slim and thin is not being beautiful. People should love you on the inside too. And I figured out if people don't like me for who I am, there is no point having them in my life right?

So far, there has been only one person who said I've never changed thoughout the years. He didn't notice if I had my hair cut, grew fatter or thinner, or got a new pair of shoes, clothes etc. To him I'm the same when he knew me then and now. I know he loves me for who I am and I thank him for that. I'm thankful there's such a person in my life. Why can't other people be like that? I don't look at my guy friends who are on the large side and ask them to slim down do I?

Yes, I want to thank this person. For making me feel better whenever I complain about my physical appearance. Wenyao: I wish everyone else were like you. I love you and thank you =)

Ironman Korea 2005!!!

The results are out!!! Hahaha...just went to check the online results, albiet one day late.

Kenneth is 153th place in the whole competition (798 participants)
He's 6th in placing for his category!!!! (So good hor?!!!!)

Feel so damn happy for him...haha...dunno he happy anot...but I think it's realli good lei...imagine the satisfaction u get after the race...the happiness will literally ooz out...and the months of training u put it. Wah seh! I'm talking like marjiam I'm the one who ran the race! Hahaha =D

Nonethless, i'm still glad i have a friend. Ou xiang!!!!

I MISS MONKEY!

aiyo...din mean to leave out one! of cos i miss u too! To show how much I miss you...i shall dedicate one whole entry to u!

I miss u helping me whenever i needed help. showing me the tops u buy from bossini and watch me gulp in shock when u showed me another top which looked exactly the same but different color. hohoho

then the time when u acc me to do pedicure and in the end none of us did any but bought back loads of snacks!! hahaha and also all the grocery shopping!!!! I miss them!

still got the time where we will go bazaar together...ur mum bringing me and jj dinner also. Yes! I missed ur mom's meals!!!! I like to eat her food (although i try to skip the rice...cos i'm too fat not rice not nice hor.)The egg with ladyfingers is nice, the bitter gourd is nice, the tau pok is nice, the vege nice...all very nice! Say liao mouth watery le.

Then also the first time u took me to the laundry room!!! that's when I knew how to do laundry!!! Wah u taught me how to do laundry!!! And also the times when we would go to ur room and hang out and u would let me lie on ur bed too and munch on what's in ur full of magnets fridge.

Not forgetting the little nice nice notes that u always slip under my door plus all the nice little goodies u got for me n jj! I kept every note ok!

And this one very important! Remember the time when u n jj took to me to west coast in the middle of the night when it was raining? I remember that. U got sick becos of me and I will nt forget the time u held my hand when I was wailing and crying in my room. Ur touch was really what I needed. =)


Thanks Alice.

Dim Sum Dollies!

Went to watch dim sum dollies yesterday. It is sooo soooo soooo soooooo good!!!! Everybody must watch! I laughed till my sides ache. It was so damn funny, all the short skits that tell everything singapore and our daily lives. It was caustically mocking at first loves, singapore's politics and current entertainment scene. Wah seh...and I heard from wy's friend that their first production was even better than this. I seriously thought this was really excellent!

There was a scene where Lucy Liu (Killbill) was challenging Zhang Ziyi (crouching tiger hidden 'bitch'). Then Lucy was asking Hossan Leong (Bruce Lee) to translate what ziyi was saying then when he was trying to translate what Lucy said in English to Ziyi, she said she understood English. They went like 'ooh'. Then she said..."The salt is too salty." I was like...hahahahahahaha.

Then there was this part where Pam Oie started to sing on her guitar...part of the lyrics went like this...at thirty, this man promised me a bag from hermes, and in the end he gave me herpes...loads of crap!

All the acting was super lame...highly recommended. Can't wait for their next production to come. Too bad I watched the last show yesterday...and somebody walked away with a honda jazz!!! So lucky. (got lucky draw one)

I MISS SCHOOL!!!!

Bwah hooo hooo...was taking the train back from bbdc after taking my final theory test to work when I saw so many bloody ppl on their way to sch! (I passed theory! first to leave...looking damn smart and ozzing nonchalance!)

Oh man! When was the last time I had the feeling of waking up in the morning just to go to school (other than bbdc...driving sch!) I miss my nice little room...i miss the sumptious suppers...i miss running to jj's room and buay pai seh de plop on her bed. I miss hanging around ppl in sch!!! I miss irritating peisze during econs and i miss sleeping in the lecture halls! I also miss running around the sch late at nite! Arggh! Does anyone miss it as much as I do? Why do I feel so difficult to let go? Wy say everyone has left so no point staying...true...but I feel so so lost in this corporate world! Arggh.

Grandma says work comes independence...you can make your own decisions and buy stuffs you've always wanted. I dun crave for this independence at all! I find no joy outside school boundaries. I find no joy coming to work with four walls enclosed, looking at the comp, thinking when I can reach my quota and be gone for the day! I hate to go home just wishing the next day was the weekend. Gross. Childish. Yes i agree. Very very childish. Arrgh...why is life so lost?

Sometimes I wish I can travel around...like travel within singapore also can! No need to come to the chair that awaits me like hell's gate everytime I step into the office! Been trying to make my life exciting until yesterday when it just struck me. Things are not gonna change. Like when my granny ask me how's work...i say gave her a look and waved my hands horizontally in a straight line.

I hate the feeling of getting stuck in a situation. Never thought working life was great. Never never never. arggh.

Sometimes I miss everything so much I just want to enclose myself at home so at least I wont see so much changes when I see farmiliar faces.

Did you get my message?!

Been hearing loads of relationship problems lately...sometimes makes me feel so weird. Ppl are in relationships and yet they seem most of the time not happy. Why is that so. It's realli difficult to make two worlds into one. Been through done that and still trying =)

Listened to Jason Mraz cd and it is realli good!!! He's like mocking at relationships from the front to back. Both hilarious and upsetting and the same time. Sacarsm at both men and women work sometimes. The music's like chapalang! Whatever comes to his mind he writes...and I think there's some abt his sexual raves as well (eh hem..premature ejacu...haha)

Men are from mars. Women from Venus. So true. This is a nice song. Think quite funny too.


Did you get my message
JM: Did you get my message, the one I left
While I was trying to condense everything
That I meant in a minute or less when I called to confess
And make all of my stresses go bye-bye

TP: Did you get my message, you didnt I guess
'cuz if you did you would have called me with your sweet intent
and we could give it a rest
'stead of beating my breast
making all of the pressure go sky-high

JM: Do you ever wonder what happens to the words that we send
Do they bend, do they break from the flight that they take
And come back together again
with a whole new meaning In a brand new sense,
completely unrelated to the one I sent

Did you get my message, oooh oooh ooooh
Did you get my message, oooh oooh ooooh
Did you get my message, yeah, oooh oooh ooooh hooo

JM: Uh oh, where did it go, must have by-passed your phone
and flown right out of the window
TP: ooh well, how can I tell?
Should I call the operator
JM: Maybe she know the info
or whether or not if my message you got was too much or a lot to
reply
TP: why not try this for a fact
JM: well should you ever call back
I'd relax and be relieved of all my panic attacks


JM: Did you get my message, the one I left
while I was trying to convince everything that I meant
TP: Now the moment has passed
JM: Not much sand in the glass and I'm standing to lose my mind

JM: Do you ever wonder what happens to the words that we send
Do they bend, do they break from the flight that they take
and come back together again
with a whole new meaning to the matter of our loves defense
at least be sympathetic to the time i spent


JM: Did you get my message...
TP: Oh no I didnt hear a word, baby
JM: Did you get my message...
TP: and i'm not gonna believe your lies anymore
JM: Come on and, answer the question now
TP: I dont hear a thing from you and you keep saying you'll call me
JM: Ahhhh did you get my message now...that I wanna get back with you
JM: Did you get my message love...that I wanna reconnect with you
JM: did you get my message suga now
TP: I did not hear one thing you say you sent to me
JM: Ohhhh did you get my message
TP: so why dont you, answer the phone

Amazing isn't it? Still dun get the message after so long.

oh so sinful!

These two days have been a period of sinful time!
Yesterday was mom's birthday so went out for lunch at some chinese restaurant. On the way to the restaurant, we actually met with my granny and aunts! Then jio them all out to eat lunch...in the end ate a lunch which was far greater then our usual 4-5 dish crusine i presume...hahaha

After that went shopping at Robinson's. I must have grown really old cos I realised I enjoy shopping there!!! (no lar...cause they change abit of range...hahaha) OMG! The moment I stepped in it was heaven. My mom was a member so we had like 20 per cent off. And guess wad? The nine west series was on sale!!! hahaha...bought like 2 bags for onli 50 bucks each. Super big catch!!! Bought some nail polish and manicure stuffs and came home and paint my nails pretty! haha so bimbotic...but realli nothing much to look forward to once u start working...hai. Saw this guess bag which was absolutely fabulous! but cost a fricking 259 bucks...which judging from my current account, unable to afford...haha

went to OG next! went scouting for wallets too...and guess wad...to my amazement they have a greater range of guess products...and i always thought they sold auntie stuff! haiyo..i was so wrong. Bought this wallet which i thought was realli great!!! hahaha...then saw this pair of shoes which i didn't buy cos no size! sobz!

on the way back my dad said me and my mom zhong du (poisoned) buy and buy like dunno wad...how i wish it was her birthday everyday...hahaha. then my mom decided to treat us for some dinner...told her i was full and didn't want to eat the crabs...and in the end i ate the most!

was bumming around procrastinating work juz now when i went to scout for food. seriously wasn't hungry until i opened the freezer and guess wad i saw?! royce chocs!!! somebody must have got it for her as a gift (there was the same one last year). wah seh...u imagine me yelling in excitment and eating them up...so happy. i'v eaten 4 tim tams, 5 pieces of royce chocs already!! so sinful...well well...this is a pretty bimbotic entry...back to work now.
taa

外婆

今天是外婆生日 我换上复古西装
载着外婆开着拉风的古董车兜兜兜风
车里放着她的最爱 找回属于是她的时代
往大稻埋码头开去把所有和外公的往事静静回忆
外婆她脸上的涟漪 美丽但藏不住压抑
推动了爱情只盼望亲情 弥补回应
大人们以为出门之前桌上放六百就算是孝敬
一天到晚拼了命 赚钱少了关怀有什么意义
外婆她的期待 慢慢变成无奈 大人们始终不明白
她要的是陪伴 而不是六百块 比你给的还简单
外婆的无奈 无法变成期待 只有爱才能够明白
走在淡水河衅 听着她的最爱 把温暖放回口袋

记得去年外婆的生日 表哥带我和外婆参加
她最最重视的颁奖典礼 结果却拿不到半个奖
不知该笑不笑 我对着镜头傻笑 只觉得自己可笑
我难过 却不是因为没有得奖而难过
我失落 是因为看到外婆失落而失落 大人们根本不能体会
表哥他的用心 好像随他们高兴就可以彻底的否定
否定 我的作品 决定在于心情
想坚持风格他们他们就觉得很欧颗
没惊喜没有改变 我已经听了三年
我告诉外婆 我没输 不需要改变
表哥说不要觉得可惜 这只是一场游戏
只要外婆觉得好听 那才是一种鼓励
外婆露出了笑容说她以我为荣
浅浅的笑容 就让我感到比得奖它还要光荣

Was taking the train back from Amore yesterday when I sudddenly thought about my grandparents. I remembered the time my grandpa used to take me for piano lessons and he would wait 45 mins outside the piano teacher's house then he would bring me back to granny house again. He might sometimes take me to the hawker centre for breakfast and he would tell his friends that he was taking me for piano lessons should anyone ask. I remembered my granny used to come my place to stay overnight and I would definitely love for her to come and stay again. Occasionally my grandpa would fetch my cousin to my place for playtime if I was unable to visit. My granny would take me to the market and she would buy me goodies...and that was the part I looked forward to every market trip.

Suddenly, all these seemed damn far away. I was really close to them when I was young. Brought up by them since my parents had to work. I'm not sure how long it has been since I drifted. Althought I still make it a habit to visit them once every week. My grandpa can't travel. The furthest he can go is around the neighbourhood, usually sitting at the void deck where he thought was cooler. My granny only visits church and sometimes she gets so tired she doesn't go at all. Sometimes I think about them and I feel so guilty. It's like I made them old by not spending time with them. Is that what happens when people grow up?

I wish they were younger again. Those were the carefree and happy days.

100 years

Seemed to be talking alot about the past recently.
Every time a conversation starts, it goes...'remember the time blah blah blah'
Seemed like everything is so far away.
Times passes so fast, I'm starting to feel I'm being pushed with the flow.
Totally regretting it when I said I wanna grow up when I was younger.
Mum u're quite right for once.

Listened to this song everytime i go work. Nice.

100 years - Five for fighting
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15...there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15...there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live...

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15...there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15...I'm all right with you
15...there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live...

Half time goes by
Suddenly you're wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15...there's still time for you
22...I feel her too
33...you're on your way
Every Day's a new Day

15...there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15...there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Hold on

You tried so hard to be someone
That you forget who you are
You tried to fill some emptiness
Till all you had spilled over

Now everything's so far away
That you don't know
Where you are
You are

When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

When it's hard to be yourself
It's not to be someone else
Still everything's so far away
That you forget where you are
You are

When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to

Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on
Hold on

When all that you wanted
And all that you have
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

NKF

haa..the recent episode of NKF has got me agitated as well. Nope i'm not angry over what happened. I donate to NKF as well. Each year they send me a card asking me to ask others to donate, ended up donating out of my own expenses every year. This has not included the number of calls of sympathatic parents have donated as well.

This issue has brought abt the issue of transparency in a non-profit organization like NKF. What is the problem here. The issue here is that NKF is a non-profit organization assuming to help ppl in need. This episode of events surrounding NKF has not just enlightened the public on the non-transparency of NKF, but also the ignorance of the public. Pardon my manners ppl.

The public knew the money was for non-profit purposes, but it didn't question what percentage was used. By that assumption, ppl donate because they feel there are ppl whose help is needed by them, there are others who donate because of the returns they'll reap, e.g. lucky draw, vouchers, discount coupons.

To the issue of a CEO getting too much pay. Then what is the pay he should be getting? Because of his position as a non-profit organization's CEO, does that mean he has to volunteer his service as well? If then, who would want to take over his position should he step down? A volunteer?

It's really his fault that he didn't come clean with the air ticket issue, the number of other positions he held as CEOs, the pte investments he has etc. Yes all his fault maybe, but that's really not up to the public to decide. We didn't see the contract. If assuming what he does is with the contract, then it's not his fault. It's a contract problem.

A person who works for a non-profit organization does not make him a non-profit worker. With the results shown over the years, he did shown himself as a person of competence, bringing NKF to a greater height than what was used to be. The worker is separate from the organization. He has no obligations to the man donating 50 to NKF when his monthly income barely exceeds 1000.

What will result from this episode? Through petition, he'll step down maybe. But who dares to take over? What will happen to the patients if donations are withdrawn? Who are the stakeholders here? What will happen if he stays? Does it mean a change of CEO will resume consumer confidence? Then again, will the new CEO be able to achieve what he has already achieved? Of course, there is no such thing as 'let the matter rest'. I would hope that would happen, but alas... I don't see that coming.

Many are focused on the issue of 'public money' and nothing else. I'm not saying organization such as these shouldn't be transparent. I'm saying transparency is a two edged sword. It brings good and bad. Look at the hoo-has over the issue. Ppl drawing out donations, vandalizations, petitions. What is going to happen? Will stepping down solve the problem? I feel sorry for him, he's juz a small player made big by mundane mistakes. After what he has achieved for NKF, his annual income meagre compared to the annual turnovers.

Also I think his actions for the series of events are pretty much understandable. Humans make mistake. I don't seriously think he's corrupted or anything. Just that he's a poor soul with no one who agree with.

Perhaps the public should think back on this whole issue. It seems like the whole world is pointing to him as a scapegoat. I think everyone played a part in this issue here. Everyone should bear a responsibility over what happened. After all, he's just a poor guy trying to salvage himself from a situation where everybody thinks is easy to solve by pointing to him as the maker of doom.

It has already come to a very bad situation. If he doesn't step down, nobody is going to donate any more funds to those poor souls who may be only getting help from the 50 percent of the total reserves. If he steps down, the decrease in donations might be less. Then again, the future of this guy is gone. Who is to know that the next CEO will be as 'righteous' as him. Unless, the guy is a volunteer who's apparently a god like person who don't need to survive, then will everyone shut up and continue to live life happy. Come on, for an organization this big, doesn't the workers need to eat? Don't they need salary? Doesn't subsidised health screenings by NKF need money? What about the campaigns they hold?

Hai... such a sad issue and fingers are only pointed to one direction. Thus is the tragedy of the world. Last thing to mention, human nature.

Alienation

Alienation is the result of capitalism. Where ppl work because of producing commodity, of what commodity can do for them. Working means getting paid. Working means not doing what you want to do but what you have to do. Hence, the resulting alienation phenomenon.

The person is separate from his/her work. The person is alien to what he/she produces. He/she performs because of what he/she is required and not because of what he/she wants. In time, alienation makes a person a slave to work, a slave for survival, a slave for life. Thus, the result of capitalism.

Today's dress down day. Finally a day to kick off working clothes and settle into something i feel comfortable in. No high heels, no pants and no more walking in a womanly manner.

Was on the way to work when i realised how different I behaved at work and in real life. Working life is so fake. I feel so alien for myself. It's like being another person whom you dunno for 9 hrs...then back to the real person you are for the next few hours until the alienating 9 hrs. It's a cycle over and over again.

Just had a 4 hour dinner break! Can you imagine that?! Haha...not a bad thing....but as long as I'm with my colleages, there's alienation. I had 7 fried chicken wings for dinner, loads of curly fries and potato skins. All fried stuff...and the dinner? at HOOTERS! Never been there before. Can't say what I don't want cos it was kinda decided. Ha ha. Went to Coffee Club for dessert. The alienation sure didn't make the dessert time any much funner. Usually I would be super happy and it will be sincerely happy but i just found myself faking the smile. Alienation.

Ppl ask if i enjoy the job...i dunno...it's ok i guess. Just really different. Something which I'll never expect to do but well...thus is life. I guess alienation will apply somehow.

< This is written in the office...haha...so slack!>

STUPID FILA BAG!

(THIS IS AN ENTRY TO SEEK REDRESS!!!!! PLEASE DO FINISH READING AND GIMME COMMENTS...hai...but it's a long entry haha.)

omg...thought this fila event was over but it is not!

u see...i bought a fila bag a few weeks ago...at that time it was the red one...i happily took the red bag out the next day after i bought it and guess wad...it stained my blouse. the side of my blouse was red... tried washing it off but there's still a subtle colour of red at the side(the blouse is pastel yellow!)...not forgetting the worn out effect after the desperate attempt to get rid of the colour!

so there i was marching right into the fila store where i bought it (at queensway) and demanded he take a look at the blouse ( for some circumstance, i went there 2 days in a row...) and his assistant said yes there is a visible stain...and guess wad the store manager (Ben) said? he said the stain is not very visible and the stain can be washed...it's not actually color run but that the fibre has ran on the clothes..i was like 'huh? i dun see any fibres around' then he added on saying..well this kind of material is like that...u should probably wear the bag with a darker color blouse like black...i was like double 'huh'..duh.

so he said eventually that he would report back to the head office and get back to me asap...because of the info and my fuming mad situation...i thought he would call the head office and tell me asap...but he actually meant going down to the head office 6 days later then call me asap after that..alrite...my fault then.

then two days later i called him and say how issit...he wasn't even sure of the protocol...i mean like what to do if there's a complaint and such...well...he merely copied my number on a rough piece of paper when i should have filled out a form... i got mad..that's when i saw a customer service number at the back of the name card he gave me...so i decided to call them to ask abt the protocol of such situations instead...and the person is not around then i had to explain to someone whom i'm not sure. i did mention about the ridiculous reason tat guy was telling me.

then i got a call a few days later (monday) from the customer service ger (sapna)...and apparently she wasn't told that i had spoke to ben prior to speaking to that someone who answered my call. she told me i had to return the bag to any branches...cos they had to do investigations on why the bag's color ran...and apparently i was the only customer who complained. i told her i wasn't free that week but would probably try to make it down to any of the stores in town at the end of the week..i'll give her a call to confirm before heading down...but apparently she didn't hear that...no point pinpointing her fault then.

then 2 days later..ben called. he say they can do an exchange and i can exchange it at any of the stores...that's when i got confused. sapna told me to return not exchange..then i tried to call sapna to confirm but she took leave. i called her the next day and lo and behold..her attitude changed like crazy.

she went on to say she waited but no call came...i was like didn't i told u blah blah blah...then she said NO. then i was like..'ok..so who shd i follow' then she said...u didn't tell me u liaise with him b4 so of cos u listen to him. i was like huh? wad the hell with the attitude..cos apparently i was very much miscommunicated. that's when i juz told her straight the whole thing that has been happening to claim redress and she replied...' so wad r u calling me for?' isn't it better for u to talk to him instead of me handing down the msg'...then i went ' i'm calling u to confirm what he said is true because u liaised with me before him with different protocol...so now u dun have to liaise with him then i'll do the job. bye' frankly, at that point of time i was thinking... m i the customer service now? isn't tat ur job? and what's with the attitude.

then i called the ben to tell him i'll be stopping over for exchanges and he said i can do it at any of the outlets cos he had already sent at email. so i headed down to IMM and the gal called gladys look pretty baffled when i told her abt the exchange...so i told her ben sent an email...pls check...then with the computer screen facing me...and being the kpo me...i took a peek at the screen. there it was...ben's email...with his message...but i only managed to see the words " DEAR COLLEAGUES, PLEASE READ THE GREAT STORY. there...gladys closed the window.

i believe i was assuming he was talking abt me but well...assumption has got high probability. i was very very tired at all the complaining cos seriously the bag is only 38 bucks! it's not sumthing so expensive that i had to waste so much time and effort to seek redress and make stupid trips down. it's the disappointment in the company that supposedly comes out with good products that serve customer well..and of cos the stain made on my favourite blouse! that blouse is a major deal... it was one of my best blouse...something that i prided on...and definitely something i cannot get again!

there i was deciding to let it go and take in all the faults cos to them i'm juz a crazy fussy customer and the ONLY ONE who complained about that product. i exchanged for a black bag instead...assuming that only my product was faulty.

was taking the bus down from woodlands to granny house today...took out the ipod mini that wy bought...then noticed something different about it...the earphones are a different shade...on closer look i realised that the white earphones have turned a shade grey! and on closer examination, it seems that they have purpled color marks on them...i thought it was my imagination then i took a bit of the earphone and lightly touched the sides of the bag and WALLA! it stained! feeling super grossed out about it...cos u see...i'm a perfectionist and i like things new...esp when the mini is juz a few days old! gross gross gross. now i have off white earphones.

and do u know another of the lame excuses they gave me when i complained abt the bag was ' do u happen to allow rain on the bag' then i was like ' u mean it cannot touch water?' i was thinking what if i perspire...cos it's a gym bag....gross

this is a very long entry and i thank u for reading it...was thinking of letting the matter rest until this ipod incident..why why why...maybe it's my fault for being anxious and grumpy in the beginning...but i really didn't expect something like this (the people and product of fila) to be so disappointing. i have learnt a lesson...never to buy their products..and well..i do squirm when i see ppl using their product..hai...grossed out.

P.S: do u realise i've actually managed to remember all the names??!!! too angry!!! been thru so much shit...hai

new blog skin

haa...nobody's been blogging but i see alot of blog skin changed lately.
shall change my blog skin also...haa...so how issit?

realised this blog skin is abit mah fun...gotta click here click there...somemore the tag box is not very userfriendly...hai

but the scroll down to select songs part is quite cool lei! shall put more songs...haha...meanwhile...enjoy

4 more days to work! =(

a piss-ful entry

disclaimer: this blog entry is targeted to piss those who are reading...so read if u can take the caustic substance typed.

i have been bumming around and i totally hate that feeling. what's worse is the questions of asking 'hey have u found a job?' try asking that to a person who have heard it umpteen times (e.g. zee) u are most likely to hear a 'no' with a #$%^&%^&* going inside her head which u are unlikely to hear or know...but most likely remembered!

i feel pinched whenever ppl ask me why am i bumming around...i feel jabbed whenever ppl tell me to try harder...i feel murderous when ppl say i think too highly of myself. in refute of all these..they are all wrong! so nonid to ask me anymore.

next! got a fren asked others to pass around this message...recommend a potential prudential advisor to go for a 2 day training and get 50 bucks recommendation fee. good money right? yes yes...but very unethical! got calls from ppl all asking me to be advisor...i'm not a selling thing material...tried and tested so dun even try that stinch on me. if u ever u r not a fren(does not include the one who pass to me..)! frens of mine shd noe how against i am with this line...the unethical way of telling u to come down for interview saying they are offering non sales job which in fact, they are headhunting for advisors is enough to piss me off, what is worse is the substitution of terms like business marketing exec and business financial exec to
mist the true nature of the job scope!!! grrr..

don't u noe that financial advisors work on networking. imagine someone like me with limited network...who will i approach? u u u!!! and whom am i likely to be rejected? u u u!!! so i am helping u by not going to work as that...tell me...r u close to anyone who's a financial advisor or MLM marketer? u get me in u get 50 bucks...but is that 50 bucks worth the pestering u get from me to buy insurance or the rejection that my sorely heart will get from ya?

i m having a bad time bumming around so don't think i am enjoying every moment of the slacking. it's not like i have money falling from my ceiling assumed by some. so please do not profile me like what u r doing. it hurts inside..but sadly the insensitive nature of some is unable to tell.

so if u see me on the streets, please do not judge me by my presence in orchard road by bumming...unemployed does not mean no life...i still have a life and i want a life. so please do not judge me on that once again...thanks fren! and if i reject going out with u...i m juz trying to minimised the suffering my heart has to take for the past few weeks. contact makes the heart ache longer! pardon me if i rescheduled lunch/dinner with u...does not mean i hate u or i m boiling mad....but it may juz mean i like to be alone, i've grown used to talking to the wall, or maybe u have a job and i dun want to feel left out talking to u.

aniwaez..as mentioned this msg is to piss ppl off..but they are not targeted at any one in particular, juz a general view. so if u think u know anyone who's above-mentioned, pls keep your mouth shut...cos it does not refer to that particular person who is appearing in ur mind.

alrite..this entry is written at the very bad period of my life. so please do not profile me according to that! this is juz a cry of outburst due to the insensitivities faced by my broken heart, which has now cease to feel anything, judging from the bluntness that others have felt from me. i am sorry but pls understand.

lastly, thank you for those who have finally endured this caustic and snappy entry. don't worry u r still a fren, although i may be holding grudge over what u said to me recently. u noe who u r... (hahaha..gotcha! juz kidding!)

i m tired and ugly and fat and that's what making this worse. alrite thanks for the time and goodbye (for a long long time till i find a job will i see u again!)

home

been 2 weeks since i last come back to hall...was feeling nostalgic as my dad drove me back juz now. initially hated to come back cos i had to start packing to shift out of RVR...but after hearing this song by Beatles on the radio...i yearned to be back asap...lie on my bed...absorbing the last few moments of being in hall alone.

have been in this room for almost a year...it's a place where i seek refuge. when i try to run away from the problems of the world..i come back and lie beneath the bed covers. sad to say..soon this room will belong to another and i will no longer have any place to dwell in once refugee times begin.

i slept here, cried here, played here and grew up here. the past year has been a rapid progression of growing up. the moment i walked in, there the radio clock which i set to auto mode was playing. the feeling of coming back home feel superb.

on the way back the radio was playing 'hey jude' by Beatles. haha.. funny to say...i told myself the moment i came back i shall put all the Beatles mp3 i have to play...used to do that whenever i was stealing a nap. Beatles is sure one thing i learnt to like in NUS, right after taking the film and history module...haha...it sure changed abit of my life =)

hai...kinda feel sad i'm gonna leave here...holds so much memories...want to pack them all and shift it back home...but memories are fleeting...and that's wad scares me the most.

guess i'm still juz not ready to let go some things.

a happening month

realised i haven't posted for a month! a month! can u imagine that. been to two countries in this month. thailand and china. shopped like mad. look at the extra baggages i got back. room's very unpacked and my new shopping items are all around!

went to bangkok with jean, bran, cece, ken, cher and qijia. first time moving around a country free and ez. it was really exciting. but sad to say the culture shock i got was pretty unpleasant. walked like hell for the four days there, shopping and eating and looking around...haha

went to beijing 5 days later with jj and hui and my family...seriously i think we didn't walked as much as i did when i was in Bangkok. yes..there were culture shocks but I guess the experiences i had in bangkok pretty much prepared me for this trip. the bargaining was superb. i can bargain from 540 rmb to 160 bucks...can u imagine. a top for 200 to 30 rmb....haha..so u can imagine how many things i got from there...best of all...i realised it was totally sponsored! ha ha

climbed the great wall...one of the best events of the trip...realli satisfying when u reach the top of the wall overlooking the rest who are still struggling up (hahaha) so evil...but most really climbed halfway and stopped. me jj hui and my dad climbed all the way...and we all became hao han! haha.

went to the forbidden city and many other touristy places. really amazed by the chinese culture...it's really nice to know what kind of culture your ancestors come from you know...was taking this flight home when this china old man asked me wad dialect ( min nan) i was...took a long time to understand what he was trying to ask...then the worse came when he asked which part of fu jian was my ancestors from..boy was i ashamed. =(

the food there is dirt cheap! and i mean dirt cheap! had this korean buffet with a spread of dishes. the servings was so large the three of us cannot finish it. we were guessing how much our lunch will cost (we guessed 200 rmb = 40 s$) until the person came and said 78. we were like huh! in the end we paid s$5 per person!!!! we actually stared at the waiter before we gave him the money. hahaha

we had an 8 day trip, with 5 days tour and the remaining 3 days free and ez. the free and ez was fun too! i think i became addicted to bargaining after some time...hahaha.

hard to believe the month passed so fast. i'm graduated and had two trips and now looking for jobs! oh man. haha..hopefully the replies come fast though =)

a tribute

before i forgot...a tribute to my favourite sister

Your presence we miss
Your memory we treasure,
Loving you always
Forgetting you never.


miss u always =)

pre graduation pinks

haha...y not blues? csos it's not that sad really.

borrowed a camera from my brudder dearest...shall go around doing my graduation scrapbook these few days...want to incorporate some fun into my already stressful and hectic exam timetable. hahaha.

am gonna miss vasity life alot. and i mean LOADS of it. those cooking sessions with friends...suppertime...gorging food and watching tv...plus stupid jokes and gossips...not forgetting all the cryings over the shoulders! and of cos heart to heart talks and the very amazing feeling of running solo. =) that's part of my hall life!

next to cca...well...been out of sports club for almost a year...remembered last year during this period i was so busy worrying for sports camp than exams! hah. will miss the club work still...haha...those carefree life when u still feel u had something important in your life.

school day! haa....not forgetting those super long bitchy conversations during breaks...hilarious and fun! and also the sleeping sessions during lectures!
hai...those were the days!

ooh...not forgetting the small gifts we exchanged over the years...whether it's food or playthings or cards and wishes...they are all part of the memories.

n i'm now eating the tau huey jups bought from rochor road...2nd one in this week...hahaha...so happy =)

how time flies

for the past three weeks, i have been teaching every saturday at the kindergarten where i used to teach before i came to nus. got there early and started walking around looking at the pictures of the students.

the K1 kids that i thought had already graduated...most were now attending the p2 tuition class on saturday. was looking through the pics when i realised the nursery classes which i used to teach were the graduating class of 2004. remembered some faces from the pictures. some looked the same while others look more grown up. a look at their names printed at the bottom bought memories back. how i used to play with them, how cute they look when they were learning in class, and of cos the crazy questions they asked which always caught me offguard. kids...

was looking at all the faces when my eyes rested upon this little one. always thought she was very quiet in class. constantly holding hands with this other boy. used to think they like each other. remembered telling myself she will grow up to be a pretty ger, because she had very special features, and what was amazing was this bronze tan that she sport...it was as though her mom took her tanning every week.

it's amazing how time flies. it's already three years since she was in nursery. time was short but i wondered if she had lived her life well for the past three years. her life was short. she was one of the victims during the tsunami. went phuket with her parents and only her dad survived. it was wierd looking at her pic. will the boy sitting next to her remember her as he looked back at the graduating photos. will he even know she went away and was never coming back? i don't think so.

it just feels pained to see a life end so abruptly...i guess i juz took for granted that there's more years to go for a person. who is to know she wouldn't even reach primary one? 25 april is approaching...and at times like this u juz wish bad memories will be erased. this is the month when u'll start wondering if anyone remembered the person who died four years ago. that fateful wednesday when god took her away from us. perhaps none of us will mention it. perhaps some of us would visit her without others' knowledge. perhaps she is still deeply remembered. perhaps she has brought me lessons to be learnt. perhaps if she didn't go, she would be 12 this year. perhaps if she didn't leave, i wouldn't know the horror of death.

wierd to say...if not for her...i wouldn't even learn to appreciate pink color. haa. love u ning.

tagbox expiring...

flobber juz sent me an email...said my tagbox is super inactive and will be expiring soon...haa...help me post some msgs can?! hahaha

Who am I - Casting Crowns

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me


I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

good and bad

went for tuition today...was feeling really sian abt it...was walking along the boon lay interchange when a little toddler bumped into me. he was going at such high speed i was amaze he didn't cry when his lips smacked against my thigh. haha...seemed like he was playing 'chase' with his mom. next min i know...he was staring at me agap...and he even waved goodbye...and gave me a super happy grin...sure made my day...so cute!

went for tuition...jesslyn (my tutee's sis) got a new tutor...and guess who? it's pauline...a friend from church...so qiao...singapore really very small!!! was teaching kathleen haldway when her golden retriever pounced on me. super friendly dog...licked my face...haha...was really happy to have so much attention...until her maid scolded the dog to go back into the shed. that's when i realised in the past 3 months that i've been here...i've only seen the dog twice...once when kathleen opened the shed for me to see and this second time.

asked kathleen when was the last time she played with her dog...she said it was two days ago...i was like 'don't u let it run around?' then she shook her head. jerry sure is being neglected! so evil. apparently, her dad bought it cos her big sis wanted it and rewarded her jerry when she got good results. asked her if her big sister (not jesslyn, still have a bigger one) played with it and she shrugged! can u imagine that?! you don't even know if your pet is getting attention from anyone. jerry looks like he's staying in the prison cell, only bigger. hai...so sad...was so tempted to call the spca and sue them for neglect.

kathleen was so upset when i told her how bad they were...imprisoning jerry like that...guess wad...she said i said that cos i wasn't the one rearing it...i was like 'if i know i'll treat it like what u did...i wouldn't even think about having one'...hai...then she said they didn't know golden retrievers would grow to be so big...i was like '!!!!!!' kids....and irresponsible parents. i cant imagine...kinda spoit my day though

i'm in love...

haa...always thought anime wasn't nice until i found myself watching naruto...don't deny the fact that the long episodes did put me off in the first place though...haha...but the story line is great...with humourous parts and all..

and now...hahaha...i'm in love with an anime character...or should i say a few...haha
first it was uchiha satsuke...cool cool guy with a vengence

then it became his sensei hataka kakashi always late and and reading a book!

haha...and now...didn't expect this...always thought he looked ugly until recent episodes.... nara shikamaru

realised i like guys with very angular features...sharp face strong jaws..haha...and definitely intelligent...and ppl who likes reading!!! oh man...i am so fickle =p

~若无其事~

作词:葛大为作曲:光良编曲:max chew光良

你少看的书
最近翻了好几次
你变得沉默
什么都不坚持

你的唇边有某个句子
只是还没有对我表示
你的双眼中躲着另一个影子
还是我多心错看你的样子
不让怀疑淹没了理智

然而一切我很难解释
因为爱你我可以若无其事
不想不听没有追究的言辞
我们还在拥抱的彼此

所有心思原来是两件事
面对着我你何必若无其事
离开我你才能对自己诚实
回忆虽然难以收拾
若无其事不去面对现实
才讽刺

Love of my life - Jim Brickman & Michael W. Smith

Uncle Jack sang this song during the dinner...so sweet...!~

I am amazed when I look at you,
I see you smiling back at me,
It's like all my dreams come true.
I am afraid if I lost you girl,
I'd fall through the cracks and lose my track,
In this crazy, lonely world.

Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When my nights can be so long,
And faith gave me the strength,
and kept me holding on.

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love...
The love of my life.

Now here you are,
With midnight closing in.
You take my hand as our shadows dance,
With moonlight on your skin.
I look in your eyes,
I'm lost inside your kiss.
I think if I'd never met you,
about all the things I'd missed.

Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When a love can be so strong,
And faith gives me the strength,
and kept me going on.

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you're my love...
The love of my life.

You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love...
My angel in the night, you are my love...
The love of my... life.

Heard he this was his proposal song too...apparently he sang this and proposed to her...haha...cannot imagine...used to think he was all serious and macho u noe...haha...love makes the world go haywire!

the weekend

just finished typing out the animal behavior assignment. think i'm not sure what i wrote in it...it will be horribly graded...i can pretty much trust that intuition...well..let's make it a fact =(

wanted to sleep already...but juz tot i had to type something out...cos i'm using my bro's very nice lappie!!! hahaha...surprisingly that he lent me without screaming at me...he must have seen that depressed look on my face the moment he saw me in his room holding an almost crumpled piece of reading.

went to my uncle's wedding on friday...many ups and downs...disagreements over how things should work etc. i realised aunties are not very efficient (talking abt my mom)...not matter how much u explain the methods which is beneficial for everyone..they juz have to stick to their blardy ideas..gross...got along well with her after that though

went to the travel fair with my parents before the dinner at night...saw loads of shanghai packages...was deciding on which tour packages was the best until my mom dropped me a bomb. she suddenly said she doesn't want to go. what a disappointment...apparently she said she was worried for my brother and i think she had a disagreement with my dad regarding his work...then i was like 'wad the...' i dun deny i was being really rude to her cos she kept nagging at me the moment i walked into the house when i haven't done anything wrong...i yelled back at her and tat was it. she said i am not going anywhere cos i dun wanna have to spend my entire trip with you...then i was like fine.

was doing my essay halfway when she suddenly stepped into the hall and announce...i think i will go...but less days...then i was like where got packages for less days one...then she say...we will change the location...we will go beijing...i was like...'wad the...' refused to answer her...hate ppl who cannot make up their minds...dun they know how much inconveniences they are making? and all the wasted efforts to ask so much about shanghai packages at the natas fair...and now she's thinking of beijing..gross...pardon me...but i'm pretty much angered over her behavior..i guess she must be angered with me as well..but that's how we work...we can be best friends and the worst enemies!

alright...the friday dinner was surprising...my uncle actually sang a song for his beloved...my mom even commented it was the first time she heard him sing...haha...quite good actually...and definitely romantic...so envy

so many projects to hand in the next few days...getting very stressed up by it...realised my mood is getting very bad recently...but really thankful that there are many patient ppl around...first thing wy..who shut up the moment i said i dun wanna talk...friends who were out celebrating with me...jj,ber,hui,eileen and pf..not forgetting the flowers...jean who listened to my complains over sms...and my dad who sensed my ultimate disappointment and ask me if beijing was fine...in the end...i juz told him i'll go wherever he decides...

will be going bangkok...time to save up...and i haven't even applied for leave...gross...hai..time to sleep...have to meet bud tom still...and many things to do...n i haven' been running and my body is so lethargic...i want to stay young...full of vitality..hai...wierdly y am i not looking forward? i dunno.

stolen scriptures

copied all these from jx's blog..think it's really helpful

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you
(John 3:16 & John 3:34)

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28)

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your anxiety on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

yeah...things getting hazy these few days...have done quite alot of unforgivable things...feeling desperate and helpless...gross...sometimes being in this situation juz makes u feel stagnated...do you feel happy or do you not? oxymoronic

deep sigh....HAAAAAAAAAAI!!!

there's been like so many things happening recently...i'm started to think life is like a pile of shit...well...to be exact...the reality of life has perhaps made me feel so darn exhausted about competition. how one person can be so bitchy and slutty to get her way through to things.

i thought i was evil enough until i realised what she did was even worse. oh man...such a person exist? how do they sleep at night? how do they come out with new ideas to cover up their stupid asses for every lie they make? how can they still be alive? how come they do not feel anything about their actions at all?!

i guess this only boils down to one fact. the society breeds this kinda ppl. and only these kind of ppl can survive. why?! we tried getting a step ahead of her and guess what. she's so smart. whatever step that we take still will lead us into a situation where we will still get burned and her getting her way. what is this?!

thought i was evil enough already...writing the report was a torture...trying to point fingers at someone, even when she was evil. felt so hurtful for the dirt that can come out of her mouth. asked eric why is she so evil...and he said : we also can be evil...we juz dun have the heart to do it. so bottomline is...she's heartless... eric eric...always the one to pinpoint the fact but subtle enough to cover his own ass. office politics is scary... now i'm not even sure who's pointing at who. this is getting horrible.

in spite of this issue...i'm starting to get pek cek over the condition of my body. my back is suffering from an inumerable and irritation disease. sometimes it's pain, sometimes it's scratchy...sometimes it's pimple...wad the hell? the skin looks bad...redness and all...and that means i have to burn a hole in my pocket again!! arggh...the doc's fee is high!!!! arggh!!!

next! the ants problem...wad's w the ants? i've already thrown away the bag that was sweetened with candies (i noe it's disgusting) but why do they keep appearing?! arggh. on my tables...from my keyboard...from the printer! arggh...getting irritated over it already!

whywhywhy?! uncle jack's wedding is next week and i haven't got my dress!!! and i'm still so fat!!! feel so tired recently and running is definitely not an option for me...gross...why?!

Try a little tenderness

by michael buble...lyric is really true...know how good women will do to guys if they treat them good...haha...sometimes the only way to get through anything that revolves around a woman is juz tenderness...no? haa

Try a little tendernessShe may be weary
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she's weary
Try a little tenderness

Ooh, she may be waiting
Just anticipating
Things she may never possess
While she's without them
Try a little tenderness

It's not just sentimental
She has her grief and her care
But a word so soft and gentle
Nakes it easier to bear

You won't regret it
Women don't forget it
Love is they're whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Try a little tenderness

But a word
Soft and gentle
Makes it easier to bear

You won't regret it
Cause women don't forget it
Love is their whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Just try a little tenderness

You've gotta try
You've gotta hold her
You've got to squeeze her
You've got to try
You've got to try
And always please her
You won't regret it
You won't regret it
Oh, try a little tenderness

Ahaaaaaaa!!!

juz came back from jogging...sometimes i wonder why is it especially so tiring to jog in the morning....running around in school at night is definitely a longer distance...but why do i feel 6 rounds on the track in the morning is enough to make my knees weak? came to the conclusion that it must be too early and my 'still not motivated to slim down' body is not reluctant to run the extra mile.

remembered praying yesterday night that god will gimme the strength to wake up and run in the morning...was suppose to wake up at 730...but finally dragged myself out of bed at 748...still half sleeping on the track when i ran though. was desperately trying to wake myself up. had said a silent prayer for strength b4 my legs started moving. was running towards the end of the first round when something caught my eye. it was a tiny full-bodied creature lying on the 1st lane...it wasn't moving and there were flies hovering over it.

it was when i opened up my damn eyes and saw it was a damn rat. it was so grotesque! arrghhh. that was definitely enough to wake me up and start running the next few rounds. but i made sure i constantly kept a clear distance from it...somebody once told me there will be fumes around dead ran and they are poisonous! being the kiasee me (not afraid to own up to that...i m kiasee)...i started running further after every round. paranoia kinda gripped me...i was caught in between running and going back...haaz.

then i suddenly remembered my prayer...to gimme strength and wake me up...that dead thing certainly did...and i'm sure my eyes will still be up all through the day. suddenly i was thinking 'i said wake up i didn't say to see this kinda scary thing' but then again my prayers were answered right? and god did more than that...as i progress from lane 1 to lane 6...i think i ran a couple of metres more...hahaha.. but back to to issue where i didn't ask for this...well well...i didn't ask for many other things...but got still gave rite? yupyup.

wad a great! (great....) morning.

The red shoes

i remembered reading this story by the Hans Christian Andersons brothers when i was young. i love the story....but wierdly i'm not sure why. perhaps because this story was different from the rest of the story...stories they told usually talk about the good guys and the bad guys...a distinction to tell kids how one should behave when they grow up. the red shoes...on the other hand, was tragic. a girl who have a favourite pair of shoes doesn't seem like an evil character at all. she had to have her legs cut off in the end. it was tragic and sad...and there was nothing to be learnt. well, at least that was what i thought.

went tuition today and my tutee started asking me to read this story...and amazingly it was 'the red shoes'. i was really surprised because not many had heard this story..and i could vividly remembered how much i like the story and i couldn't share it with others. there she goes asking me how can that story end like that...why does it have a sad ending.. i reread the story and realised there was a lesson to be learnt.

karen, the protagonist was born into a poor family. she was adopted by an old lady after the death of her mother. she was beatuiful but she had an obsession with the red shoes that was bought for her. she started thinking about how beautiful her shoes and the only thoughts inside her were about the red shoes. she forgot her duties and went against rules...all because of the red shoes. then somebody cast a spell on the shoes and she ended up dancing and dancing..she couldn't stop and she had to have her legs chopped off.

tragic isn't it? for the full story go to http://hca.gilead.org.il/red_shoe.html..it's a good read. i think i've learnt so much from it and sad to say...this story apply in our lives so much that it hurts to even think that such a lesson could be garnered from a story like this. the bottom line is...for every mistake u make...there should be a consequence..and after that consequence life must go on...i got another understanding though...it was a christian sort of way...the red shoes was like money...and the little girl was thinking about that all the time...so much that she forgets ppl who love her...she goes to church only thinking about her shoes...she forgots to take care of the old lady who adopted her because of her shoes...the red shoes somehow signified material wants...the person who cast the spell was an angel and she chopped her legs away...it was like god's wrath on her...by taking away her legs...the only thing that the shoes can wear...and the old lady...the only person who cared for her...she beared the consequences...and went back to god again...never needing such shoes...and god and the people around her forgave her. so wierd...it's like what the scriptures are talking about. the story is tragic...what a way to show god's wrath... somehow god gave mercy in the end and helped her through the period...telling her material needs only bring bad consequences..

amazing isn't it? i was enlightened seriously =)
thank god