realised i haven't posted for a month! a month! can u imagine that. been to two countries in this month. thailand and china. shopped like mad. look at the extra baggages i got back. room's very unpacked and my new shopping items are all around!
went to bangkok with jean, bran, cece, ken, cher and qijia. first time moving around a country free and ez. it was really exciting. but sad to say the culture shock i got was pretty unpleasant. walked like hell for the four days there, shopping and eating and looking around...haha
went to beijing 5 days later with jj and hui and my family...seriously i think we didn't walked as much as i did when i was in Bangkok. yes..there were culture shocks but I guess the experiences i had in bangkok pretty much prepared me for this trip. the bargaining was superb. i can bargain from 540 rmb to 160 bucks...can u imagine. a top for 200 to 30 rmb....haha..so u can imagine how many things i got from there...best of all...i realised it was totally sponsored! ha ha
climbed the great wall...one of the best events of the trip...realli satisfying when u reach the top of the wall overlooking the rest who are still struggling up (hahaha) so evil...but most really climbed halfway and stopped. me jj hui and my dad climbed all the way...and we all became hao han! haha.
went to the forbidden city and many other touristy places. really amazed by the chinese culture...it's really nice to know what kind of culture your ancestors come from you know...was taking this flight home when this china old man asked me wad dialect ( min nan) i was...took a long time to understand what he was trying to ask...then the worse came when he asked which part of fu jian was my ancestors from..boy was i ashamed. =(
the food there is dirt cheap! and i mean dirt cheap! had this korean buffet with a spread of dishes. the servings was so large the three of us cannot finish it. we were guessing how much our lunch will cost (we guessed 200 rmb = 40 s$) until the person came and said 78. we were like huh! in the end we paid s$5 per person!!!! we actually stared at the waiter before we gave him the money. hahaha
we had an 8 day trip, with 5 days tour and the remaining 3 days free and ez. the free and ez was fun too! i think i became addicted to bargaining after some time...hahaha.
hard to believe the month passed so fast. i'm graduated and had two trips and now looking for jobs! oh man. haha..hopefully the replies come fast though =)
Monday, May 23, 2005
Monday, April 25, 2005
a tribute
before i forgot...a tribute to my favourite sister
Your presence we miss
Your memory we treasure,
Loving you always
Forgetting you never.
miss u always =)
Your presence we miss
Your memory we treasure,
Loving you always
Forgetting you never.
miss u always =)
pre graduation pinks
haha...y not blues? csos it's not that sad really.
borrowed a camera from my brudder dearest...shall go around doing my graduation scrapbook these few days...want to incorporate some fun into my already stressful and hectic exam timetable. hahaha.
am gonna miss vasity life alot. and i mean LOADS of it. those cooking sessions with friends...suppertime...gorging food and watching tv...plus stupid jokes and gossips...not forgetting all the cryings over the shoulders! and of cos heart to heart talks and the very amazing feeling of running solo. =) that's part of my hall life!
next to cca...well...been out of sports club for almost a year...remembered last year during this period i was so busy worrying for sports camp than exams! hah. will miss the club work still...haha...those carefree life when u still feel u had something important in your life.
school day! haa....not forgetting those super long bitchy conversations during breaks...hilarious and fun! and also the sleeping sessions during lectures!
hai...those were the days!
ooh...not forgetting the small gifts we exchanged over the years...whether it's food or playthings or cards and wishes...they are all part of the memories.
n i'm now eating the tau huey jups bought from rochor road...2nd one in this week...hahaha...so happy =)
borrowed a camera from my brudder dearest...shall go around doing my graduation scrapbook these few days...want to incorporate some fun into my already stressful and hectic exam timetable. hahaha.
am gonna miss vasity life alot. and i mean LOADS of it. those cooking sessions with friends...suppertime...gorging food and watching tv...plus stupid jokes and gossips...not forgetting all the cryings over the shoulders! and of cos heart to heart talks and the very amazing feeling of running solo. =) that's part of my hall life!
next to cca...well...been out of sports club for almost a year...remembered last year during this period i was so busy worrying for sports camp than exams! hah. will miss the club work still...haha...those carefree life when u still feel u had something important in your life.
school day! haa....not forgetting those super long bitchy conversations during breaks...hilarious and fun! and also the sleeping sessions during lectures!
hai...those were the days!
ooh...not forgetting the small gifts we exchanged over the years...whether it's food or playthings or cards and wishes...they are all part of the memories.
n i'm now eating the tau huey jups bought from rochor road...2nd one in this week...hahaha...so happy =)
Saturday, April 16, 2005
how time flies
for the past three weeks, i have been teaching every saturday at the kindergarten where i used to teach before i came to nus. got there early and started walking around looking at the pictures of the students.
the K1 kids that i thought had already graduated...most were now attending the p2 tuition class on saturday. was looking through the pics when i realised the nursery classes which i used to teach were the graduating class of 2004. remembered some faces from the pictures. some looked the same while others look more grown up. a look at their names printed at the bottom bought memories back. how i used to play with them, how cute they look when they were learning in class, and of cos the crazy questions they asked which always caught me offguard. kids...
was looking at all the faces when my eyes rested upon this little one. always thought she was very quiet in class. constantly holding hands with this other boy. used to think they like each other. remembered telling myself she will grow up to be a pretty ger, because she had very special features, and what was amazing was this bronze tan that she sport...it was as though her mom took her tanning every week.
it's amazing how time flies. it's already three years since she was in nursery. time was short but i wondered if she had lived her life well for the past three years. her life was short. she was one of the victims during the tsunami. went phuket with her parents and only her dad survived. it was wierd looking at her pic. will the boy sitting next to her remember her as he looked back at the graduating photos. will he even know she went away and was never coming back? i don't think so.
it just feels pained to see a life end so abruptly...i guess i juz took for granted that there's more years to go for a person. who is to know she wouldn't even reach primary one? 25 april is approaching...and at times like this u juz wish bad memories will be erased. this is the month when u'll start wondering if anyone remembered the person who died four years ago. that fateful wednesday when god took her away from us. perhaps none of us will mention it. perhaps some of us would visit her without others' knowledge. perhaps she is still deeply remembered. perhaps she has brought me lessons to be learnt. perhaps if she didn't go, she would be 12 this year. perhaps if she didn't leave, i wouldn't know the horror of death.
wierd to say...if not for her...i wouldn't even learn to appreciate pink color. haa. love u ning.
the K1 kids that i thought had already graduated...most were now attending the p2 tuition class on saturday. was looking through the pics when i realised the nursery classes which i used to teach were the graduating class of 2004. remembered some faces from the pictures. some looked the same while others look more grown up. a look at their names printed at the bottom bought memories back. how i used to play with them, how cute they look when they were learning in class, and of cos the crazy questions they asked which always caught me offguard. kids...
was looking at all the faces when my eyes rested upon this little one. always thought she was very quiet in class. constantly holding hands with this other boy. used to think they like each other. remembered telling myself she will grow up to be a pretty ger, because she had very special features, and what was amazing was this bronze tan that she sport...it was as though her mom took her tanning every week.
it's amazing how time flies. it's already three years since she was in nursery. time was short but i wondered if she had lived her life well for the past three years. her life was short. she was one of the victims during the tsunami. went phuket with her parents and only her dad survived. it was wierd looking at her pic. will the boy sitting next to her remember her as he looked back at the graduating photos. will he even know she went away and was never coming back? i don't think so.
it just feels pained to see a life end so abruptly...i guess i juz took for granted that there's more years to go for a person. who is to know she wouldn't even reach primary one? 25 april is approaching...and at times like this u juz wish bad memories will be erased. this is the month when u'll start wondering if anyone remembered the person who died four years ago. that fateful wednesday when god took her away from us. perhaps none of us will mention it. perhaps some of us would visit her without others' knowledge. perhaps she is still deeply remembered. perhaps she has brought me lessons to be learnt. perhaps if she didn't go, she would be 12 this year. perhaps if she didn't leave, i wouldn't know the horror of death.
wierd to say...if not for her...i wouldn't even learn to appreciate pink color. haa. love u ning.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
tagbox expiring...
flobber juz sent me an email...said my tagbox is super inactive and will be expiring soon...haa...help me post some msgs can?! hahaha
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Who am I - Casting Crowns
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
Thursday, April 07, 2005
good and bad
went for tuition today...was feeling really sian abt it...was walking along the boon lay interchange when a little toddler bumped into me. he was going at such high speed i was amaze he didn't cry when his lips smacked against my thigh. haha...seemed like he was playing 'chase' with his mom. next min i know...he was staring at me agap...and he even waved goodbye...and gave me a super happy grin...sure made my day...so cute!
went for tuition...jesslyn (my tutee's sis) got a new tutor...and guess who? it's pauline...a friend from church...so qiao...singapore really very small!!! was teaching kathleen haldway when her golden retriever pounced on me. super friendly dog...licked my face...haha...was really happy to have so much attention...until her maid scolded the dog to go back into the shed. that's when i realised in the past 3 months that i've been here...i've only seen the dog twice...once when kathleen opened the shed for me to see and this second time.
asked kathleen when was the last time she played with her dog...she said it was two days ago...i was like 'don't u let it run around?' then she shook her head. jerry sure is being neglected! so evil. apparently, her dad bought it cos her big sis wanted it and rewarded her jerry when she got good results. asked her if her big sister (not jesslyn, still have a bigger one) played with it and she shrugged! can u imagine that?! you don't even know if your pet is getting attention from anyone. jerry looks like he's staying in the prison cell, only bigger. hai...so sad...was so tempted to call the spca and sue them for neglect.
kathleen was so upset when i told her how bad they were...imprisoning jerry like that...guess wad...she said i said that cos i wasn't the one rearing it...i was like 'if i know i'll treat it like what u did...i wouldn't even think about having one'...hai...then she said they didn't know golden retrievers would grow to be so big...i was like '!!!!!!' kids....and irresponsible parents. i cant imagine...kinda spoit my day though
went for tuition...jesslyn (my tutee's sis) got a new tutor...and guess who? it's pauline...a friend from church...so qiao...singapore really very small!!! was teaching kathleen haldway when her golden retriever pounced on me. super friendly dog...licked my face...haha...was really happy to have so much attention...until her maid scolded the dog to go back into the shed. that's when i realised in the past 3 months that i've been here...i've only seen the dog twice...once when kathleen opened the shed for me to see and this second time.
asked kathleen when was the last time she played with her dog...she said it was two days ago...i was like 'don't u let it run around?' then she shook her head. jerry sure is being neglected! so evil. apparently, her dad bought it cos her big sis wanted it and rewarded her jerry when she got good results. asked her if her big sister (not jesslyn, still have a bigger one) played with it and she shrugged! can u imagine that?! you don't even know if your pet is getting attention from anyone. jerry looks like he's staying in the prison cell, only bigger. hai...so sad...was so tempted to call the spca and sue them for neglect.
kathleen was so upset when i told her how bad they were...imprisoning jerry like that...guess wad...she said i said that cos i wasn't the one rearing it...i was like 'if i know i'll treat it like what u did...i wouldn't even think about having one'...hai...then she said they didn't know golden retrievers would grow to be so big...i was like '!!!!!!' kids....and irresponsible parents. i cant imagine...kinda spoit my day though
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
i'm in love...
haa...always thought anime wasn't nice until i found myself watching naruto...don't deny the fact that the long episodes did put me off in the first place though...haha...but the story line is great...with humourous parts and all..
and now...hahaha...i'm in love with an anime character...or should i say a few...haha
first it was uchiha satsuke...cool cool guy with a vengence
then it became his sensei hataka kakashi
always late and and reading a book!
haha...and now...didn't expect this...always thought he looked ugly until recent episodes.... nara shikamaru
realised i like guys with very angular features...sharp face strong jaws..haha...and definitely intelligent...and ppl who likes reading!!! oh man...i am so fickle =p
and now...hahaha...i'm in love with an anime character...or should i say a few...haha
first it was uchiha satsuke...cool cool guy with a vengence
then it became his sensei hataka kakashi
always late and and reading a book!haha...and now...didn't expect this...always thought he looked ugly until recent episodes.... nara shikamaru
realised i like guys with very angular features...sharp face strong jaws..haha...and definitely intelligent...and ppl who likes reading!!! oh man...i am so fickle =p
Sunday, March 20, 2005
~若无其事~
作词:葛大为作曲:光良编曲:max chew光良
你少看的书
最近翻了好几次
你变得沉默
什么都不坚持
你的唇边有某个句子
只是还没有对我表示
你的双眼中躲着另一个影子
还是我多心错看你的样子
不让怀疑淹没了理智
然而一切我很难解释
因为爱你我可以若无其事
不想不听没有追究的言辞
我们还在拥抱的彼此
所有心思原来是两件事
面对着我你何必若无其事
离开我你才能对自己诚实
回忆虽然难以收拾
若无其事不去面对现实
才讽刺
你少看的书
最近翻了好几次
你变得沉默
什么都不坚持
你的唇边有某个句子
只是还没有对我表示
你的双眼中躲着另一个影子
还是我多心错看你的样子
不让怀疑淹没了理智
然而一切我很难解释
因为爱你我可以若无其事
不想不听没有追究的言辞
我们还在拥抱的彼此
所有心思原来是两件事
面对着我你何必若无其事
离开我你才能对自己诚实
回忆虽然难以收拾
若无其事不去面对现实
才讽刺
Love of my life - Jim Brickman & Michael W. Smith
Uncle Jack sang this song during the dinner...so sweet...!~
I am amazed when I look at you,
I see you smiling back at me,
It's like all my dreams come true.
I am afraid if I lost you girl,
I'd fall through the cracks and lose my track,
In this crazy, lonely world.
Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When my nights can be so long,
And faith gave me the strength,
and kept me holding on.
You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love...
The love of my life.
Now here you are,
With midnight closing in.
You take my hand as our shadows dance,
With moonlight on your skin.
I look in your eyes,
I'm lost inside your kiss.
I think if I'd never met you,
about all the things I'd missed.
Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When a love can be so strong,
And faith gives me the strength,
and kept me going on.
You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you're my love...
The love of my life.
You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love...
My angel in the night, you are my love...
The love of my... life.
Heard he this was his proposal song too...apparently he sang this and proposed to her...haha...cannot imagine...used to think he was all serious and macho u noe...haha...love makes the world go haywire!
I am amazed when I look at you,
I see you smiling back at me,
It's like all my dreams come true.
I am afraid if I lost you girl,
I'd fall through the cracks and lose my track,
In this crazy, lonely world.
Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When my nights can be so long,
And faith gave me the strength,
and kept me holding on.
You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love...
The love of my life.
Now here you are,
With midnight closing in.
You take my hand as our shadows dance,
With moonlight on your skin.
I look in your eyes,
I'm lost inside your kiss.
I think if I'd never met you,
about all the things I'd missed.
Sometimes it's so hard to believe,
When a love can be so strong,
And faith gives me the strength,
and kept me going on.
You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you're my love...
The love of my life.
You are the love of my life,
And I'm so glad you found me,
You are the love of my life,
Baby put your arms around me,
I guess this is how it feels,
When you finally find something real.
My angel in the night, you are my love...
My angel in the night, you are my love...
The love of my... life.
Heard he this was his proposal song too...apparently he sang this and proposed to her...haha...cannot imagine...used to think he was all serious and macho u noe...haha...love makes the world go haywire!
the weekend
just finished typing out the animal behavior assignment. think i'm not sure what i wrote in it...it will be horribly graded...i can pretty much trust that intuition...well..let's make it a fact =(
wanted to sleep already...but juz tot i had to type something out...cos i'm using my bro's very nice lappie!!! hahaha...surprisingly that he lent me without screaming at me...he must have seen that depressed look on my face the moment he saw me in his room holding an almost crumpled piece of reading.
went to my uncle's wedding on friday...many ups and downs...disagreements over how things should work etc. i realised aunties are not very efficient (talking abt my mom)...not matter how much u explain the methods which is beneficial for everyone..they juz have to stick to their blardy ideas..gross...got along well with her after that though
went to the travel fair with my parents before the dinner at night...saw loads of shanghai packages...was deciding on which tour packages was the best until my mom dropped me a bomb. she suddenly said she doesn't want to go. what a disappointment...apparently she said she was worried for my brother and i think she had a disagreement with my dad regarding his work...then i was like 'wad the...' i dun deny i was being really rude to her cos she kept nagging at me the moment i walked into the house when i haven't done anything wrong...i yelled back at her and tat was it. she said i am not going anywhere cos i dun wanna have to spend my entire trip with you...then i was like fine.
was doing my essay halfway when she suddenly stepped into the hall and announce...i think i will go...but less days...then i was like where got packages for less days one...then she say...we will change the location...we will go beijing...i was like...'wad the...' refused to answer her...hate ppl who cannot make up their minds...dun they know how much inconveniences they are making? and all the wasted efforts to ask so much about shanghai packages at the natas fair...and now she's thinking of beijing..gross...pardon me...but i'm pretty much angered over her behavior..i guess she must be angered with me as well..but that's how we work...we can be best friends and the worst enemies!
alright...the friday dinner was surprising...my uncle actually sang a song for his beloved...my mom even commented it was the first time she heard him sing...haha...quite good actually...and definitely romantic...so envy
so many projects to hand in the next few days...getting very stressed up by it...realised my mood is getting very bad recently...but really thankful that there are many patient ppl around...first thing wy..who shut up the moment i said i dun wanna talk...friends who were out celebrating with me...jj,ber,hui,eileen and pf..not forgetting the flowers...jean who listened to my complains over sms...and my dad who sensed my ultimate disappointment and ask me if beijing was fine...in the end...i juz told him i'll go wherever he decides...
will be going bangkok...time to save up...and i haven't even applied for leave...gross...hai..time to sleep...have to meet bud tom still...and many things to do...n i haven' been running and my body is so lethargic...i want to stay young...full of vitality..hai...wierdly y am i not looking forward? i dunno.
wanted to sleep already...but juz tot i had to type something out...cos i'm using my bro's very nice lappie!!! hahaha...surprisingly that he lent me without screaming at me...he must have seen that depressed look on my face the moment he saw me in his room holding an almost crumpled piece of reading.
went to my uncle's wedding on friday...many ups and downs...disagreements over how things should work etc. i realised aunties are not very efficient (talking abt my mom)...not matter how much u explain the methods which is beneficial for everyone..they juz have to stick to their blardy ideas..gross...got along well with her after that though
went to the travel fair with my parents before the dinner at night...saw loads of shanghai packages...was deciding on which tour packages was the best until my mom dropped me a bomb. she suddenly said she doesn't want to go. what a disappointment...apparently she said she was worried for my brother and i think she had a disagreement with my dad regarding his work...then i was like 'wad the...' i dun deny i was being really rude to her cos she kept nagging at me the moment i walked into the house when i haven't done anything wrong...i yelled back at her and tat was it. she said i am not going anywhere cos i dun wanna have to spend my entire trip with you...then i was like fine.
was doing my essay halfway when she suddenly stepped into the hall and announce...i think i will go...but less days...then i was like where got packages for less days one...then she say...we will change the location...we will go beijing...i was like...'wad the...' refused to answer her...hate ppl who cannot make up their minds...dun they know how much inconveniences they are making? and all the wasted efforts to ask so much about shanghai packages at the natas fair...and now she's thinking of beijing..gross...pardon me...but i'm pretty much angered over her behavior..i guess she must be angered with me as well..but that's how we work...we can be best friends and the worst enemies!
alright...the friday dinner was surprising...my uncle actually sang a song for his beloved...my mom even commented it was the first time she heard him sing...haha...quite good actually...and definitely romantic...so envy
so many projects to hand in the next few days...getting very stressed up by it...realised my mood is getting very bad recently...but really thankful that there are many patient ppl around...first thing wy..who shut up the moment i said i dun wanna talk...friends who were out celebrating with me...jj,ber,hui,eileen and pf..not forgetting the flowers...jean who listened to my complains over sms...and my dad who sensed my ultimate disappointment and ask me if beijing was fine...in the end...i juz told him i'll go wherever he decides...
will be going bangkok...time to save up...and i haven't even applied for leave...gross...hai..time to sleep...have to meet bud tom still...and many things to do...n i haven' been running and my body is so lethargic...i want to stay young...full of vitality..hai...wierdly y am i not looking forward? i dunno.
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
stolen scriptures
copied all these from jx's blog..think it's really helpful
You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)
You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you
(John 3:16 & John 3:34)
You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28)
You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your anxiety on ME
(I Peter 5:7)
yeah...things getting hazy these few days...have done quite alot of unforgivable things...feeling desperate and helpless...gross...sometimes being in this situation juz makes u feel stagnated...do you feel happy or do you not? oxymoronic
You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)
You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)
You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you
(John 3:16 & John 3:34)
You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)
You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5-6)
You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)
You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)
You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28)
You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)
You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)
You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your anxiety on ME
(I Peter 5:7)
yeah...things getting hazy these few days...have done quite alot of unforgivable things...feeling desperate and helpless...gross...sometimes being in this situation juz makes u feel stagnated...do you feel happy or do you not? oxymoronic
Thursday, March 10, 2005
deep sigh....HAAAAAAAAAAI!!!
there's been like so many things happening recently...i'm started to think life is like a pile of shit...well...to be exact...the reality of life has perhaps made me feel so darn exhausted about competition. how one person can be so bitchy and slutty to get her way through to things.
i thought i was evil enough until i realised what she did was even worse. oh man...such a person exist? how do they sleep at night? how do they come out with new ideas to cover up their stupid asses for every lie they make? how can they still be alive? how come they do not feel anything about their actions at all?!
i guess this only boils down to one fact. the society breeds this kinda ppl. and only these kind of ppl can survive. why?! we tried getting a step ahead of her and guess what. she's so smart. whatever step that we take still will lead us into a situation where we will still get burned and her getting her way. what is this?!
thought i was evil enough already...writing the report was a torture...trying to point fingers at someone, even when she was evil. felt so hurtful for the dirt that can come out of her mouth. asked eric why is she so evil...and he said : we also can be evil...we juz dun have the heart to do it. so bottomline is...she's heartless... eric eric...always the one to pinpoint the fact but subtle enough to cover his own ass. office politics is scary... now i'm not even sure who's pointing at who. this is getting horrible.
in spite of this issue...i'm starting to get pek cek over the condition of my body. my back is suffering from an inumerable and irritation disease. sometimes it's pain, sometimes it's scratchy...sometimes it's pimple...wad the hell? the skin looks bad...redness and all...and that means i have to burn a hole in my pocket again!! arggh...the doc's fee is high!!!! arggh!!!
next! the ants problem...wad's w the ants? i've already thrown away the bag that was sweetened with candies (i noe it's disgusting) but why do they keep appearing?! arggh. on my tables...from my keyboard...from the printer! arggh...getting irritated over it already!
whywhywhy?! uncle jack's wedding is next week and i haven't got my dress!!! and i'm still so fat!!! feel so tired recently and running is definitely not an option for me...gross...why?!
i thought i was evil enough until i realised what she did was even worse. oh man...such a person exist? how do they sleep at night? how do they come out with new ideas to cover up their stupid asses for every lie they make? how can they still be alive? how come they do not feel anything about their actions at all?!
i guess this only boils down to one fact. the society breeds this kinda ppl. and only these kind of ppl can survive. why?! we tried getting a step ahead of her and guess what. she's so smart. whatever step that we take still will lead us into a situation where we will still get burned and her getting her way. what is this?!
thought i was evil enough already...writing the report was a torture...trying to point fingers at someone, even when she was evil. felt so hurtful for the dirt that can come out of her mouth. asked eric why is she so evil...and he said : we also can be evil...we juz dun have the heart to do it. so bottomline is...she's heartless... eric eric...always the one to pinpoint the fact but subtle enough to cover his own ass. office politics is scary... now i'm not even sure who's pointing at who. this is getting horrible.
in spite of this issue...i'm starting to get pek cek over the condition of my body. my back is suffering from an inumerable and irritation disease. sometimes it's pain, sometimes it's scratchy...sometimes it's pimple...wad the hell? the skin looks bad...redness and all...and that means i have to burn a hole in my pocket again!! arggh...the doc's fee is high!!!! arggh!!!
next! the ants problem...wad's w the ants? i've already thrown away the bag that was sweetened with candies (i noe it's disgusting) but why do they keep appearing?! arggh. on my tables...from my keyboard...from the printer! arggh...getting irritated over it already!
whywhywhy?! uncle jack's wedding is next week and i haven't got my dress!!! and i'm still so fat!!! feel so tired recently and running is definitely not an option for me...gross...why?!
Saturday, March 05, 2005
Try a little tenderness
by michael buble...lyric is really true...know how good women will do to guys if they treat them good...haha...sometimes the only way to get through anything that revolves around a woman is juz tenderness...no? haa
Try a little tendernessShe may be weary
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she's weary
Try a little tenderness
Ooh, she may be waiting
Just anticipating
Things she may never possess
While she's without them
Try a little tenderness
It's not just sentimental
She has her grief and her care
But a word so soft and gentle
Nakes it easier to bear
You won't regret it
Women don't forget it
Love is they're whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Try a little tenderness
But a word
Soft and gentle
Makes it easier to bear
You won't regret it
Cause women don't forget it
Love is their whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Just try a little tenderness
You've gotta try
You've gotta hold her
You've got to squeeze her
You've got to try
You've got to try
And always please her
You won't regret it
You won't regret it
Oh, try a little tenderness
Try a little tendernessShe may be weary
Women do get weary
Wearing the same shabby dress
And when she's weary
Try a little tenderness
Ooh, she may be waiting
Just anticipating
Things she may never possess
While she's without them
Try a little tenderness
It's not just sentimental
She has her grief and her care
But a word so soft and gentle
Nakes it easier to bear
You won't regret it
Women don't forget it
Love is they're whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Try a little tenderness
But a word
Soft and gentle
Makes it easier to bear
You won't regret it
Cause women don't forget it
Love is their whole happiness
And it's all so easy
Just try a little tenderness
You've gotta try
You've gotta hold her
You've got to squeeze her
You've got to try
You've got to try
And always please her
You won't regret it
You won't regret it
Oh, try a little tenderness
Friday, March 04, 2005
Ahaaaaaaa!!!
juz came back from jogging...sometimes i wonder why is it especially so tiring to jog in the morning....running around in school at night is definitely a longer distance...but why do i feel 6 rounds on the track in the morning is enough to make my knees weak? came to the conclusion that it must be too early and my 'still not motivated to slim down' body is not reluctant to run the extra mile.
remembered praying yesterday night that god will gimme the strength to wake up and run in the morning...was suppose to wake up at 730...but finally dragged myself out of bed at 748...still half sleeping on the track when i ran though. was desperately trying to wake myself up. had said a silent prayer for strength b4 my legs started moving. was running towards the end of the first round when something caught my eye. it was a tiny full-bodied creature lying on the 1st lane...it wasn't moving and there were flies hovering over it.
it was when i opened up my damn eyes and saw it was a damn rat. it was so grotesque! arrghhh. that was definitely enough to wake me up and start running the next few rounds. but i made sure i constantly kept a clear distance from it...somebody once told me there will be fumes around dead ran and they are poisonous! being the kiasee me (not afraid to own up to that...i m kiasee)...i started running further after every round. paranoia kinda gripped me...i was caught in between running and going back...haaz.
then i suddenly remembered my prayer...to gimme strength and wake me up...that dead thing certainly did...and i'm sure my eyes will still be up all through the day. suddenly i was thinking 'i said wake up i didn't say to see this kinda scary thing' but then again my prayers were answered right? and god did more than that...as i progress from lane 1 to lane 6...i think i ran a couple of metres more...hahaha.. but back to to issue where i didn't ask for this...well well...i didn't ask for many other things...but got still gave rite? yupyup.
wad a great! (great....) morning.
remembered praying yesterday night that god will gimme the strength to wake up and run in the morning...was suppose to wake up at 730...but finally dragged myself out of bed at 748...still half sleeping on the track when i ran though. was desperately trying to wake myself up. had said a silent prayer for strength b4 my legs started moving. was running towards the end of the first round when something caught my eye. it was a tiny full-bodied creature lying on the 1st lane...it wasn't moving and there were flies hovering over it.
it was when i opened up my damn eyes and saw it was a damn rat. it was so grotesque! arrghhh. that was definitely enough to wake me up and start running the next few rounds. but i made sure i constantly kept a clear distance from it...somebody once told me there will be fumes around dead ran and they are poisonous! being the kiasee me (not afraid to own up to that...i m kiasee)...i started running further after every round. paranoia kinda gripped me...i was caught in between running and going back...haaz.
then i suddenly remembered my prayer...to gimme strength and wake me up...that dead thing certainly did...and i'm sure my eyes will still be up all through the day. suddenly i was thinking 'i said wake up i didn't say to see this kinda scary thing' but then again my prayers were answered right? and god did more than that...as i progress from lane 1 to lane 6...i think i ran a couple of metres more...hahaha.. but back to to issue where i didn't ask for this...well well...i didn't ask for many other things...but got still gave rite? yupyup.
wad a great! (great....) morning.
Thursday, March 03, 2005
The red shoes
i remembered reading this story by the Hans Christian Andersons brothers when i was young. i love the story....but wierdly i'm not sure why. perhaps because this story was different from the rest of the story...stories they told usually talk about the good guys and the bad guys...a distinction to tell kids how one should behave when they grow up. the red shoes...on the other hand, was tragic. a girl who have a favourite pair of shoes doesn't seem like an evil character at all. she had to have her legs cut off in the end. it was tragic and sad...and there was nothing to be learnt. well, at least that was what i thought.
went tuition today and my tutee started asking me to read this story...and amazingly it was 'the red shoes'. i was really surprised because not many had heard this story..and i could vividly remembered how much i like the story and i couldn't share it with others. there she goes asking me how can that story end like that...why does it have a sad ending.. i reread the story and realised there was a lesson to be learnt.
karen, the protagonist was born into a poor family. she was adopted by an old lady after the death of her mother. she was beatuiful but she had an obsession with the red shoes that was bought for her. she started thinking about how beautiful her shoes and the only thoughts inside her were about the red shoes. she forgot her duties and went against rules...all because of the red shoes. then somebody cast a spell on the shoes and she ended up dancing and dancing..she couldn't stop and she had to have her legs chopped off.
tragic isn't it? for the full story go to http://hca.gilead.org.il/red_shoe.html..it's a good read. i think i've learnt so much from it and sad to say...this story apply in our lives so much that it hurts to even think that such a lesson could be garnered from a story like this. the bottom line is...for every mistake u make...there should be a consequence..and after that consequence life must go on...i got another understanding though...it was a christian sort of way...the red shoes was like money...and the little girl was thinking about that all the time...so much that she forgets ppl who love her...she goes to church only thinking about her shoes...she forgots to take care of the old lady who adopted her because of her shoes...the red shoes somehow signified material wants...the person who cast the spell was an angel and she chopped her legs away...it was like god's wrath on her...by taking away her legs...the only thing that the shoes can wear...and the old lady...the only person who cared for her...she beared the consequences...and went back to god again...never needing such shoes...and god and the people around her forgave her. so wierd...it's like what the scriptures are talking about. the story is tragic...what a way to show god's wrath... somehow god gave mercy in the end and helped her through the period...telling her material needs only bring bad consequences..
amazing isn't it? i was enlightened seriously =)
thank god
went tuition today and my tutee started asking me to read this story...and amazingly it was 'the red shoes'. i was really surprised because not many had heard this story..and i could vividly remembered how much i like the story and i couldn't share it with others. there she goes asking me how can that story end like that...why does it have a sad ending.. i reread the story and realised there was a lesson to be learnt.
karen, the protagonist was born into a poor family. she was adopted by an old lady after the death of her mother. she was beatuiful but she had an obsession with the red shoes that was bought for her. she started thinking about how beautiful her shoes and the only thoughts inside her were about the red shoes. she forgot her duties and went against rules...all because of the red shoes. then somebody cast a spell on the shoes and she ended up dancing and dancing..she couldn't stop and she had to have her legs chopped off.
tragic isn't it? for the full story go to http://hca.gilead.org.il/red_shoe.html..it's a good read. i think i've learnt so much from it and sad to say...this story apply in our lives so much that it hurts to even think that such a lesson could be garnered from a story like this. the bottom line is...for every mistake u make...there should be a consequence..and after that consequence life must go on...i got another understanding though...it was a christian sort of way...the red shoes was like money...and the little girl was thinking about that all the time...so much that she forgets ppl who love her...she goes to church only thinking about her shoes...she forgots to take care of the old lady who adopted her because of her shoes...the red shoes somehow signified material wants...the person who cast the spell was an angel and she chopped her legs away...it was like god's wrath on her...by taking away her legs...the only thing that the shoes can wear...and the old lady...the only person who cared for her...she beared the consequences...and went back to god again...never needing such shoes...and god and the people around her forgave her. so wierd...it's like what the scriptures are talking about. the story is tragic...what a way to show god's wrath... somehow god gave mercy in the end and helped her through the period...telling her material needs only bring bad consequences..
amazing isn't it? i was enlightened seriously =)
thank god
Friday, February 25, 2005
pek cek!
got so pek cek with the residents...the whole pantry is a mess...clogged sinks, dirty floors, oily counters, burning leftovers on the hotpan....gross...decided to send an email to them...this is like dunno how many times i sent an email regarding the same things...looks like the difference between all the emails that i sent were the decrease in tolerance level when typing them out!
here's the transcript... the one in brackets are the ones which i wished i had included!
PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING> HIGHLY IMPORTANT
Dear residents,
Just some housekeeping reminders(!!!)... (in case you dunno some of the terms i've used...kindly check the dictionary...cos i realised past emails don't seem to work...)
1) The sinks are choked again.(@#$@%@$%@) Please do remember to use the filter. For those who have no idea what a filter is, it is the device that is placed at the area where the water flows out. (If you still have no idea....please come knocking on my door...524 and i'll personally show you what it is and how it is to be used) Please remember to use that when you are washing your dishes. Kindly dispose whatever residue (the solid food that is washed down from the dirty plates) that is left after the washing. The sink in the third pantry is very badly choked. Seemed like someone had dispose oil through the sink (you know who u r...there are only two vietnamese cooking there). As for the other two pantries, the filters are not utilised as much as they have to (meaning please use them all the time!). Chokes happen quite frequently (very frequently to be exact...you don't wanna make me ask you to pay for maintenance rite?).
2) Please remember to wash your dishes straight after cooking (I know who you are). Please do not leave your dishes overnight. Dishes that are left overnight give off a bad smell, and they attract pests as well. (i'm gonna throw away every pot and pans that are left overnight)
3) Please clean up any spill after you cook (This pantry is not yours alone!). Our poor cleaning aunties have to help clean up any oil or sauces that are spilled over the counter (FYI, they are not suppose to be your maids...you clean up your own act). In addition to that, it makes the whole pantry look like a mess, not forgetting they attract pests as well (u realise more mosquitoes now? maybe they breed from the stagnant water from your unwashed pots).
4) Please do not place wet pots on the hot pans (told you many times already...hot pan spoil...everyone has to pay! i'm not going to ask for pardon...think you don't deserve it!). This might actually cost a black out because of short circuit. We don't want any refrigerator malfunction again right?
Our hostel is our home (our home!!!! and we want it clean!!!!). Please be considerate and make this home hospitable (a varsity student cannot practice consideration makes the education go down the drain). We can all do our part (actually is a few black sheep should try to do your part to keep our HOME clean...and not dirty it!). We each have a share in doing this housekeeping. An inconsiderate act will make another very inconvenient (I think it's time for you to realise that...i stopped going to the pantries because they are so dirty!). I believe we can all work this out together (pls...pls...).
Zhengyi (super sian diao)
68748562
super grossed out by them...it's no wonder i stopped smiling when i see them...gross
here's the transcript... the one in brackets are the ones which i wished i had included!
PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING> HIGHLY IMPORTANT
Dear residents,
Just some housekeeping reminders(!!!)... (in case you dunno some of the terms i've used...kindly check the dictionary...cos i realised past emails don't seem to work...)
1) The sinks are choked again.(@#$@%@$%@) Please do remember to use the filter. For those who have no idea what a filter is, it is the device that is placed at the area where the water flows out. (If you still have no idea....please come knocking on my door...524 and i'll personally show you what it is and how it is to be used) Please remember to use that when you are washing your dishes. Kindly dispose whatever residue (the solid food that is washed down from the dirty plates) that is left after the washing. The sink in the third pantry is very badly choked. Seemed like someone had dispose oil through the sink (you know who u r...there are only two vietnamese cooking there). As for the other two pantries, the filters are not utilised as much as they have to (meaning please use them all the time!). Chokes happen quite frequently (very frequently to be exact...you don't wanna make me ask you to pay for maintenance rite?).
2) Please remember to wash your dishes straight after cooking (I know who you are). Please do not leave your dishes overnight. Dishes that are left overnight give off a bad smell, and they attract pests as well. (i'm gonna throw away every pot and pans that are left overnight)
3) Please clean up any spill after you cook (This pantry is not yours alone!). Our poor cleaning aunties have to help clean up any oil or sauces that are spilled over the counter (FYI, they are not suppose to be your maids...you clean up your own act). In addition to that, it makes the whole pantry look like a mess, not forgetting they attract pests as well (u realise more mosquitoes now? maybe they breed from the stagnant water from your unwashed pots).
4) Please do not place wet pots on the hot pans (told you many times already...hot pan spoil...everyone has to pay! i'm not going to ask for pardon...think you don't deserve it!). This might actually cost a black out because of short circuit. We don't want any refrigerator malfunction again right?
Our hostel is our home (our home!!!! and we want it clean!!!!). Please be considerate and make this home hospitable (a varsity student cannot practice consideration makes the education go down the drain). We can all do our part (actually is a few black sheep should try to do your part to keep our HOME clean...and not dirty it!). We each have a share in doing this housekeeping. An inconsiderate act will make another very inconvenient (I think it's time for you to realise that...i stopped going to the pantries because they are so dirty!). I believe we can all work this out together (pls...pls...).
Zhengyi (super sian diao)
68748562
super grossed out by them...it's no wonder i stopped smiling when i see them...gross
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
victory~~!!!!
i used to enjoy teaching this tutee of mine, until i realised something which is intrinsically characteristic in her family.
i thought she was quite a sad case in the beginning...parents pressurizing her to study and sort...and at her age feeling stupid and pathetic just because the rest of her sisters are doing better than her. after a month of visits, i started to see that there was more to that than the innocent and harmless ten-year-old girl.
i started to dread tuitioning her. it was pressurizing juz to go to her house and teach and i wasn't sure why. at first i thought it was the parents having high expectations on me...then the thought dawn on me. the girl has no respect for me at all!! hai... she yaks and yaks throughout the lesson and i can't even get things done. after much persistence for her to hurry up...she juz looks at me and smirks and continue her yak. everything to her is juz fun. she can tell me she doesn't want to do corrections too!
what about the parents? they come in once in a while to ask me about her progress. i just told them she's careless and that she needs to build up her english language. there the father comes telling me how i should do...monitor her reading....show her the books to read...how i should teach blahblahblah. and the mom was telling me you should put in more effort...
how to not feel pressurize?
two incidents which made me got pek cek:
incident 1
dad: so what do you think of her progress? can make it?
zee: she's smart by nature....but she's careless...and her language structure not as strong...so need to buck up
dad: so how u think can improve?
zee: read...ask her to read more books.
dad: so why didn't u ask her to read more books? maybe u can go lib help her borrow some books...then make her read? a reading schedule maybe?
zee: <$%^^&* > i've already asked her to read...and i've chosen a book from YOUR library...she keeps complaining i give her so many hw...and she doesn't have time to read... what i would suggest is you monitor her...cos i'll only be here 3 hrs a week...better right? no matter how much i push she don't budge i can't do anything...
incident 2
mom: how's her progress?
zee: ok not bad...just her language.
mom: you must put in more effort you know..
zee: <$%^&&*> huh? i've asked her to do stuffs and she doesn't...there's nothing i can do...she doesn't seem to have the motivation to start...always very slow and all...
mom: then it's ur job to make her do it
zee: <@#@#$%^%^> er...let's juz put it this way...she simply doesn't respect me at all...it's difficult for me to teach (and i've already told her b4 of the unfinished hw and the mom didn't seem to react much to that!)
mom: girl ar...if u don't do well huh...daddy will punish u one
kathleen: punish the teacher la...y punish me
zee: (super pek cek) i can only do as much as i can...the rest is up to her and u
incident 3
mom: hey...u slim down alot recently...u on diet huh?
zee: no lei...think i've grown bigger..
mom: no lar...i think u really slim down... dieting right?
zee: no la...grown fatter
mom: haa...ok la...u continue with ur teaching.
mom walks off and come back seconds later
mom: btw ar...u're suppose to say thank you.
zee: "ha ha ha"
gross..was super pek cek after the last incident...parents always make me feel i'm not good enough...like i'm a super despo person who die die must have this tuition job...worse thing is...the parents always tell me how bz they are and employing a tutor is cheaper blahblahblah...and the kid has come to think that anybody who's poor would not have a tutor...gross..
was dreading going tuition today...cos the mom always last min change the shedule...there kathleen was again...wasting time by yakking n yakking...i swear it takes a full five mins for her to even get ready her pen to write...and another five min to flip the page...gross
there she was getting on my nerves...when she said this: i EXPECT you to teach me blahblah today"
that was when i blew my top and i said:" what do u mean you expect me to do this? how can i continue when u r so slow? if u still continue expecting me to do this or that....i'd rather not teach! do you know you are the rudest girl i've ever taught? you simply have no respect for your teachers...do you use the word 'expect' on your parents? i don't think so...so DO NOT use this word one me...and please show me respect from now on. I can play with you and talk to you...but when i am teaching...i expect u to shut up and do your work!
haa...i won...the lesson went on smoothly and she totally shut up!!
victory never taste so good...
i thought she was quite a sad case in the beginning...parents pressurizing her to study and sort...and at her age feeling stupid and pathetic just because the rest of her sisters are doing better than her. after a month of visits, i started to see that there was more to that than the innocent and harmless ten-year-old girl.
i started to dread tuitioning her. it was pressurizing juz to go to her house and teach and i wasn't sure why. at first i thought it was the parents having high expectations on me...then the thought dawn on me. the girl has no respect for me at all!! hai... she yaks and yaks throughout the lesson and i can't even get things done. after much persistence for her to hurry up...she juz looks at me and smirks and continue her yak. everything to her is juz fun. she can tell me she doesn't want to do corrections too!
what about the parents? they come in once in a while to ask me about her progress. i just told them she's careless and that she needs to build up her english language. there the father comes telling me how i should do...monitor her reading....show her the books to read...how i should teach blahblahblah. and the mom was telling me you should put in more effort...
how to not feel pressurize?
two incidents which made me got pek cek:
incident 1
dad: so what do you think of her progress? can make it?
zee: she's smart by nature....but she's careless...and her language structure not as strong...so need to buck up
dad: so how u think can improve?
zee: read...ask her to read more books.
dad: so why didn't u ask her to read more books? maybe u can go lib help her borrow some books...then make her read? a reading schedule maybe?
zee: <$%^^&* > i've already asked her to read...and i've chosen a book from YOUR library...she keeps complaining i give her so many hw...and she doesn't have time to read... what i would suggest is you monitor her...cos i'll only be here 3 hrs a week...better right? no matter how much i push she don't budge i can't do anything...
incident 2
mom: how's her progress?
zee: ok not bad...just her language.
mom: you must put in more effort you know..
zee: <$%^&&*> huh? i've asked her to do stuffs and she doesn't...there's nothing i can do...she doesn't seem to have the motivation to start...always very slow and all...
mom: then it's ur job to make her do it
zee: <@#@#$%^%^> er...let's juz put it this way...she simply doesn't respect me at all...it's difficult for me to teach (and i've already told her b4 of the unfinished hw and the mom didn't seem to react much to that!)
mom: girl ar...if u don't do well huh...daddy will punish u one
kathleen: punish the teacher la...y punish me
zee: (super pek cek) i can only do as much as i can...the rest is up to her and u
incident 3
mom: hey...u slim down alot recently...u on diet huh?
zee: no lei...think i've grown bigger..
mom: no lar...i think u really slim down... dieting right?
zee: no la...grown fatter
mom: haa...ok la...u continue with ur teaching.
mom walks off and come back seconds later
mom: btw ar...u're suppose to say thank you.
zee: "ha ha ha"
gross..was super pek cek after the last incident...parents always make me feel i'm not good enough...like i'm a super despo person who die die must have this tuition job...worse thing is...the parents always tell me how bz they are and employing a tutor is cheaper blahblahblah...and the kid has come to think that anybody who's poor would not have a tutor...gross..
was dreading going tuition today...cos the mom always last min change the shedule...there kathleen was again...wasting time by yakking n yakking...i swear it takes a full five mins for her to even get ready her pen to write...and another five min to flip the page...gross
there she was getting on my nerves...when she said this: i EXPECT you to teach me blahblah today"
that was when i blew my top and i said:" what do u mean you expect me to do this? how can i continue when u r so slow? if u still continue expecting me to do this or that....i'd rather not teach! do you know you are the rudest girl i've ever taught? you simply have no respect for your teachers...do you use the word 'expect' on your parents? i don't think so...so DO NOT use this word one me...and please show me respect from now on. I can play with you and talk to you...but when i am teaching...i expect u to shut up and do your work!
haa...i won...the lesson went on smoothly and she totally shut up!!
victory never taste so good...
Sunday, February 20, 2005
pirated skin
haa...finally finished the new skin after two hours...should i say adding on graphics only...took a long time to find these graphics....ooh...just realised i wasted so much time on this...well well..
took this graphic from many blogskins...hehe...here there and everywhere...practicing piracy...comments comments?? hehe
abit seh now...shall go sleep...taa
took this graphic from many blogskins...hehe...here there and everywhere...practicing piracy...comments comments?? hehe
abit seh now...shall go sleep...taa
Friday, February 18, 2005
work load
wonder why they have this phrase work load? it is use to as a collective noun...how much is your work load...funny how ppl can say their work load is ok...not heavy blahblahblah...when the 'load' itself means a bundle of weight!!!
gross...my work is loaded!!! 3 group projects, 2 individual big assignments...(like projects) and 2 mid sem tests!!! All in consecutive days! oh man...this week is not (school) break...but (physical)break... oh...and the work load is not inclusive of daily work like tutorials and readings...damn...
been very nua these few days...woke up yesterday late... could have sworn if somebody saw me sitting upright on the bed...they could have seen a speech balloon with these---"!!!???"
"!!!" stands for....what the hell?! and "???" means....how did i manage to sleep thru the darn alarm! missed a tutorial becos of that...went back to sleep and woke up at 10!!!!! met up with a few friends for awhile and the time stretched to 2! did abit of tutorial and watched one episode of despo housewives and the time stretched to 5!!! time dun fly...u can still fly at low speed. i dun even know how to describe...it whizzes like it is running from death!
i m getting old...and my time is short...so many things to do..i wonder what life will be like when small car comes back...let's not talk abt 4 years...even if he's like coming back in december...i think the change would be drastic....even this little room wont be here anymore... one change of lifestyle..hai
time to stop nuaing...but where shd i get started? motivation where r u? i need u now....sob sob...nuaing nuaing nuaing...u see...i'm not even concentrating in writing blog...lamenting lamenting lamenting...what the heck...waste time...haha
gross...my work is loaded!!! 3 group projects, 2 individual big assignments...(like projects) and 2 mid sem tests!!! All in consecutive days! oh man...this week is not (school) break...but (physical)break... oh...and the work load is not inclusive of daily work like tutorials and readings...damn...
been very nua these few days...woke up yesterday late... could have sworn if somebody saw me sitting upright on the bed...they could have seen a speech balloon with these---"!!!???"
"!!!" stands for....what the hell?! and "???" means....how did i manage to sleep thru the darn alarm! missed a tutorial becos of that...went back to sleep and woke up at 10!!!!! met up with a few friends for awhile and the time stretched to 2! did abit of tutorial and watched one episode of despo housewives and the time stretched to 5!!! time dun fly...u can still fly at low speed. i dun even know how to describe...it whizzes like it is running from death!
i m getting old...and my time is short...so many things to do..i wonder what life will be like when small car comes back...let's not talk abt 4 years...even if he's like coming back in december...i think the change would be drastic....even this little room wont be here anymore... one change of lifestyle..hai
time to stop nuaing...but where shd i get started? motivation where r u? i need u now....sob sob...nuaing nuaing nuaing...u see...i'm not even concentrating in writing blog...lamenting lamenting lamenting...what the heck...waste time...haha
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
heartache
imagine there's a person who's singing this song to his/her beloved.
that is pure heartache. heartache is when you can actually feel the pain in your heart...not merely saying it...but not having the strength to say it when you feel it...when your whole world collapse...when you have nothing to live for...no aims and purpose. heartache is when u lie in bed and wished u were invisible...wishing it would be day the whole day...cos when nighttime comes...the devil robs you of your soul. heartache is when you live because u wanna show others that you are alive...it's when u try to save wha's left of ur dignity. heartache kills...it doesn't kill u totally but makes u a half dead... and the only pain that could get rid of it would be when u r dead. you cry urself to sleep...you stop crying bcos the tears have dried...you try to rip urself apart so that you can sooth the pain...but sadly...the only person who can help u is the one who wouldn't help.
that is sad isn't it? i feel sad for them. for both of them. the pain is hard to describe.
******************
醒来只有我一个人
分不清黄昏或清晨
空气微冷有甚么在流逝
慢慢降温一颗心往下沉
毕竟只是太短的梦
彼此终于退回陌生
我加上你两个人并不等于我们
你想我吗 会偶尔想我吗
是这样吗 飞扬的会落下
你爱我吗 如果诚实回答
可是爱也不是解答
空屋子里没有回声
等我记忆有你质问
我加上你两个人却并不等于我们
你想我吗 会偶尔想我吗
是这样吗 飞扬的会落下
你爱我吗 如果诚实回答
可是爱也让人疲乏
你知道吗 我心快要溶化
是这样吗 压抑的会爆发
你爱我吗 爱我就懂我吗
告诉我善意的谎话
告诉我善意的谎话
好让我相信我不是太傻
******************
想用一杯Latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味 你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会
看见你和他在我面前 证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的 那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退 我的防备 静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天 你会发现 真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
曾经我以为我自己会后悔 不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪 为你做任何改变 也唤不回你对我的坚决
that is pure heartache. heartache is when you can actually feel the pain in your heart...not merely saying it...but not having the strength to say it when you feel it...when your whole world collapse...when you have nothing to live for...no aims and purpose. heartache is when u lie in bed and wished u were invisible...wishing it would be day the whole day...cos when nighttime comes...the devil robs you of your soul. heartache is when you live because u wanna show others that you are alive...it's when u try to save wha's left of ur dignity. heartache kills...it doesn't kill u totally but makes u a half dead... and the only pain that could get rid of it would be when u r dead. you cry urself to sleep...you stop crying bcos the tears have dried...you try to rip urself apart so that you can sooth the pain...but sadly...the only person who can help u is the one who wouldn't help.
that is sad isn't it? i feel sad for them. for both of them. the pain is hard to describe.
******************
醒来只有我一个人
分不清黄昏或清晨
空气微冷有甚么在流逝
慢慢降温一颗心往下沉
毕竟只是太短的梦
彼此终于退回陌生
我加上你两个人并不等于我们
你想我吗 会偶尔想我吗
是这样吗 飞扬的会落下
你爱我吗 如果诚实回答
可是爱也不是解答
空屋子里没有回声
等我记忆有你质问
我加上你两个人却并不等于我们
你想我吗 会偶尔想我吗
是这样吗 飞扬的会落下
你爱我吗 如果诚实回答
可是爱也让人疲乏
你知道吗 我心快要溶化
是这样吗 压抑的会爆发
你爱我吗 爱我就懂我吗
告诉我善意的谎话
告诉我善意的谎话
好让我相信我不是太傻
******************
想用一杯Latte把你灌醉
好让你能多爱我一点
暗恋的滋味 你不懂这种感觉
早有人陪的你永远不会
看见你和他在我面前 证明我的爱只是愚昧
你不懂我的 那些憔悴
是你永远不曾过的体会
为你付出那种伤心你永远不了解
我又何苦勉强自己爱上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退 我的防备 静静关上门来默数我的泪
明知道让你离开他的世界不可能会
我还傻傻等到奇迹出现的那一天
直到那一天 你会发现 真正爱你的人独自守着伤悲
曾经我以为我自己会后悔 不想爱的太多痴心绝对
为你落第一滴泪 为你做任何改变 也唤不回你对我的坚决
Wednesday, January 19, 2005
!!!
i can't believe i finish the whole pack of bee hoon!!!!
the worst thing is i cannot even taste it other than the burning sensation of my mouth from the green chilli....how did i enjoy eating that? wierd.
the worst thing is i cannot even taste it other than the burning sensation of my mouth from the green chilli....how did i enjoy eating that? wierd.
Tuesday, January 18, 2005
disappointment
oh man...so disappointed with my tuition kid today..it was horrible.
she's like ultra smart...budden super heck care. the thing is she just dun take things seriously...and i find myself very demoralised when i really wanna teach her and she doesn't care a damn if she learns a darn thing or not. and the worst comes when her parents expect her to improve....how to improve when i push and she's not budging?! i dun know how to get her to understand why she has to study...imagine at 10 and u're wondering wad's the use of education? oh man...it juz feels totally grossed out.
there she was asking me why i have such a bad flu...but can't she see that i'm here bcos i dun wan another lag...dun wan another homework not done...dun wanna be progressing slow. hmmm...come to think of it...i dun even think i'm progressing...gross...i think i'm a real bad teacher. yeah..i m. gross
she's like ultra smart...budden super heck care. the thing is she just dun take things seriously...and i find myself very demoralised when i really wanna teach her and she doesn't care a damn if she learns a darn thing or not. and the worst comes when her parents expect her to improve....how to improve when i push and she's not budging?! i dun know how to get her to understand why she has to study...imagine at 10 and u're wondering wad's the use of education? oh man...it juz feels totally grossed out.
there she was asking me why i have such a bad flu...but can't she see that i'm here bcos i dun wan another lag...dun wan another homework not done...dun wanna be progressing slow. hmmm...come to think of it...i dun even think i'm progressing...gross...i think i'm a real bad teacher. yeah..i m. gross
Monday, January 17, 2005
monday
haven't been blogging in a while...realised nothing much happened in the past week too. school has started and i've been pretty much bumming around...trying to enjoy wad's left of my school days.
it's really wierd cos u see how u changed from young to now. i remember telling my mom i'd wish i could be an adult quickly when i was young. could always remember her expression when she said i'll regret wad i said. yeah...am i regretting it? hah. yes and no.
she was just telling her about her growing up yesterday. asked her if she felt afraid when she got married...and she said she was just too young to understand. too young. she gave birth to my bro when she was 22. i'm graduating at that age. she said she didn't even know what fear was when she had my bro. to her everything was the same. they were pretty much brought up to think this is part of life. wad about us then? graduates think too much i think. i always thought studying university was part of life. i always thought my dad gave me quite abit of direction. primary, secondary, tertiary (university only). he didn't mention about marriage. (!!!!) he did mention getting a bf after uni days....but well.. so how now?
counting down to my last days of studying... embarrass to mention it...but i think you'll have to tear me from the walls of EA on the day of graduation. i love nus too much to let it go. or shd i say the freedom before adulthood?
it's really wierd cos u see how u changed from young to now. i remember telling my mom i'd wish i could be an adult quickly when i was young. could always remember her expression when she said i'll regret wad i said. yeah...am i regretting it? hah. yes and no.
she was just telling her about her growing up yesterday. asked her if she felt afraid when she got married...and she said she was just too young to understand. too young. she gave birth to my bro when she was 22. i'm graduating at that age. she said she didn't even know what fear was when she had my bro. to her everything was the same. they were pretty much brought up to think this is part of life. wad about us then? graduates think too much i think. i always thought studying university was part of life. i always thought my dad gave me quite abit of direction. primary, secondary, tertiary (university only). he didn't mention about marriage. (!!!!) he did mention getting a bf after uni days....but well.. so how now?
counting down to my last days of studying... embarrass to mention it...but i think you'll have to tear me from the walls of EA on the day of graduation. i love nus too much to let it go. or shd i say the freedom before adulthood?
Friday, January 07, 2005
today
went to visit granny today...finally discharged...on the day when she'll receive her baptism! hahaha.
walked into the ward to be greeted by many ppl..all coming to witness the baptism at the hospital...saw my granny and was going to take a bite of my lunch when my aunt asked if i have seen my grandpa. i was like 'whhaaa?'
seemed like he was admitted yesterday...the ward adjacent to my granny...the moment i walked in i went like,' ah gong...ni tai xiang popo le ar? haha...he cannot hear me la...but the rest of us were giggling...
it was quite wierd...my granny was really worried abt my grandad knowing that she was baptized...cos he didn't like it...all the daughters in the family were christians and the sons weren't...so imagine her fear when she always think of herself being converted. she felt she would be condemned by the males in the family...but one thing she hadn't realise...all her sons treat her like a god...as long as she like it was what they said.
three of my uncles attended the baptism...and she was really happy about it..cos i asked her secretly...and she didn't dare to show her happiness during the baptism...cos my grandad was around as well. ha ha ha. my aunts actually thought of baptizing him too... they say kill two birds with one stone...but my grandad is not really into this...tried talking about it to him before...it was a scary experience. hai..
heard from eno (the maid) that grandad was waiting for granny the whole day at the void deck yesterday...cos he was waiting for my granny to be discharged...was suppose to be discharged yesterday...but the doctor made her stay for another day. my granny was pretty upset cos he said my grandad cannot take anxiety and excitment. he has a weak heart. that whole event to me...was a love story. haa...never thought my grandparents loved each other before...cos i heard from my mom both were arranged marriage and my grandad used to be a wife beater in his younger days. imagine that. care for each other without the affectionate hugs and kisses. they were shy even when asked to take pics tog...haa..so lovely.
the cousins were brought there as usual...little vivianne, keanne and sheanne...they were really excited about the hospital...running here and there... vivianne is a really curious one. as her mom and i were fetching them back from the playground...she wandered towards another direction....to the lift lobby. there she saw a disabled man on a wheel chair...she curiously went to take a look at the missing legs...turned back to us and said...'ma..he has no legs' i was baffled...kids are so funny....and bold...haa. i guess that's one of the plus to have kids...then my aunt started saying,' well.. he has no legs but he is strong...' but she has already wandered towards my grandad's ward. seriously i dun think i know how to answer then....if my child were to say that. haa.
juz came back from the hospital...juz feel wierd...granny's baptized...i'm not...maybe that shd be my next step...my aunts were telling another relative abt the miracle my granny went through...she was so horrible the last weekend...and she got so much better over the last few days...haa..christ's blessings...how i wish my dad will come church with me too...now that his precious mom is converted...hah...shall drop hints to him abt it.
b4 the baptism...there is this uncle who was urging my grandpa to go witness the baptism...he was ning's dad. it was really wierd...cos he wasn't a believer...my aunt was telling me abt him not going church...she said when ning died...he went to church after a month of her funeral...and he stood up during altar call... but he didn't go church from then on....he said he had too many sins (he was quite the black sheep in the family)...but if there is a god he would believe it would be jesus christ. it was wierd...he wants to be a follower but he feared he would contaminate the religion and that's y he stayed away...then my aunt was like saying...would a healthy person need a doctor? hmm...made sense
haa...many thoughts today...looked at ppl all around me recently and i realise the less i look at myself...the more i understood the surroundings... last sunday the pastor was juz saying... sumtimes the less u do something...the more realization you'll get....contradicting...but yeah..true
walked into the ward to be greeted by many ppl..all coming to witness the baptism at the hospital...saw my granny and was going to take a bite of my lunch when my aunt asked if i have seen my grandpa. i was like 'whhaaa?'
seemed like he was admitted yesterday...the ward adjacent to my granny...the moment i walked in i went like,' ah gong...ni tai xiang popo le ar? haha...he cannot hear me la...but the rest of us were giggling...
it was quite wierd...my granny was really worried abt my grandad knowing that she was baptized...cos he didn't like it...all the daughters in the family were christians and the sons weren't...so imagine her fear when she always think of herself being converted. she felt she would be condemned by the males in the family...but one thing she hadn't realise...all her sons treat her like a god...as long as she like it was what they said.
three of my uncles attended the baptism...and she was really happy about it..cos i asked her secretly...and she didn't dare to show her happiness during the baptism...cos my grandad was around as well. ha ha ha. my aunts actually thought of baptizing him too... they say kill two birds with one stone...but my grandad is not really into this...tried talking about it to him before...it was a scary experience. hai..
heard from eno (the maid) that grandad was waiting for granny the whole day at the void deck yesterday...cos he was waiting for my granny to be discharged...was suppose to be discharged yesterday...but the doctor made her stay for another day. my granny was pretty upset cos he said my grandad cannot take anxiety and excitment. he has a weak heart. that whole event to me...was a love story. haa...never thought my grandparents loved each other before...cos i heard from my mom both were arranged marriage and my grandad used to be a wife beater in his younger days. imagine that. care for each other without the affectionate hugs and kisses. they were shy even when asked to take pics tog...haa..so lovely.
the cousins were brought there as usual...little vivianne, keanne and sheanne...they were really excited about the hospital...running here and there... vivianne is a really curious one. as her mom and i were fetching them back from the playground...she wandered towards another direction....to the lift lobby. there she saw a disabled man on a wheel chair...she curiously went to take a look at the missing legs...turned back to us and said...'ma..he has no legs' i was baffled...kids are so funny....and bold...haa. i guess that's one of the plus to have kids...then my aunt started saying,' well.. he has no legs but he is strong...' but she has already wandered towards my grandad's ward. seriously i dun think i know how to answer then....if my child were to say that. haa.
juz came back from the hospital...juz feel wierd...granny's baptized...i'm not...maybe that shd be my next step...my aunts were telling another relative abt the miracle my granny went through...she was so horrible the last weekend...and she got so much better over the last few days...haa..christ's blessings...how i wish my dad will come church with me too...now that his precious mom is converted...hah...shall drop hints to him abt it.
b4 the baptism...there is this uncle who was urging my grandpa to go witness the baptism...he was ning's dad. it was really wierd...cos he wasn't a believer...my aunt was telling me abt him not going church...she said when ning died...he went to church after a month of her funeral...and he stood up during altar call... but he didn't go church from then on....he said he had too many sins (he was quite the black sheep in the family)...but if there is a god he would believe it would be jesus christ. it was wierd...he wants to be a follower but he feared he would contaminate the religion and that's y he stayed away...then my aunt was like saying...would a healthy person need a doctor? hmm...made sense
haa...many thoughts today...looked at ppl all around me recently and i realise the less i look at myself...the more i understood the surroundings... last sunday the pastor was juz saying... sumtimes the less u do something...the more realization you'll get....contradicting...but yeah..true
gross
went to visit my granny yesterday....have been accompanying her the past few days...and guess wad....she'll be baptised today...at the hospital! very fwah!
my second uncle visited yesterday with his wife and grand daughter. i dun even know wad her name is. and seriously i think she could be called brat. there she was... screaming for a can of coke as she walks into the ward...and then i offered to take her to the 7 eleven to buy for her...and she refused. went all the way down and got the coke for her...and guess wad...she dun wan it. refused to take it from my hands...practically pretending i'm not there while she was trying to climb up a railing. i was so afraid she'll bite my head off and i had to look for her grandparents for help. wad a niece! then she gladly took the coke from her grandpa...refusing to thank me for it....worse little kid i've hanged out with. then there she was running from one ward to another ward...non stop...with her little nike sneakers slapping against the polished floor...with all the grannys in the ward staring at her making the din....at the point of moment a song sprang up into my mind. 'there she goes...there she goes again...' and there she went...running non stop....i'm starting to hate her already...hah...and guess my granny din realli like her too. hah. she was like saying she'll be worse if they do not teach her now.
back to the hair-raising issue! now i'm fantasia tanrino...according to wy...he is being very nice already... but according to me...if there's anybody who's going to describe me...he/she will probably say,' oh look, there's the nun' or 'oh that's so sad...she must be going through chemo', or 'oh...a boy' or 'oh...what an ugly girl..' or 'oh...no..' gross. one month of staying tanrino style...so scared to look in the mirror...it's horrible... damage control was done but still as horrible...if u think it's horrible now...it was ten times worse b4...i hate the woman arggh
parents haven't seen it yet...but i think my mom will laugh her head off...my dad will be shocked...and my brother will say ' why so ugly' duh. seriously i look more like the patient than a visitor when i step into nuh...gross.
my second uncle visited yesterday with his wife and grand daughter. i dun even know wad her name is. and seriously i think she could be called brat. there she was... screaming for a can of coke as she walks into the ward...and then i offered to take her to the 7 eleven to buy for her...and she refused. went all the way down and got the coke for her...and guess wad...she dun wan it. refused to take it from my hands...practically pretending i'm not there while she was trying to climb up a railing. i was so afraid she'll bite my head off and i had to look for her grandparents for help. wad a niece! then she gladly took the coke from her grandpa...refusing to thank me for it....worse little kid i've hanged out with. then there she was running from one ward to another ward...non stop...with her little nike sneakers slapping against the polished floor...with all the grannys in the ward staring at her making the din....at the point of moment a song sprang up into my mind. 'there she goes...there she goes again...' and there she went...running non stop....i'm starting to hate her already...hah...and guess my granny din realli like her too. hah. she was like saying she'll be worse if they do not teach her now.
back to the hair-raising issue! now i'm fantasia tanrino...according to wy...he is being very nice already... but according to me...if there's anybody who's going to describe me...he/she will probably say,' oh look, there's the nun' or 'oh that's so sad...she must be going through chemo', or 'oh...a boy' or 'oh...what an ugly girl..' or 'oh...no..' gross. one month of staying tanrino style...so scared to look in the mirror...it's horrible... damage control was done but still as horrible...if u think it's horrible now...it was ten times worse b4...i hate the woman arggh
parents haven't seen it yet...but i think my mom will laugh her head off...my dad will be shocked...and my brother will say ' why so ugly' duh. seriously i look more like the patient than a visitor when i step into nuh...gross.
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
fucking retard
a great part of me wants to kill a woman now..
the stupid woman who tried to cut my hair until she realises it's a tad bit too short..
until she keeps telling me all it does is a little bit of styling..
man....u shd have seen her attempt to style it..
i look like a kid whose picking up trash..
and guess wad...she didn't see that her cuts were all uneven...and she told me done...
gross...wish i could juz give her a tight slap.
after waiting for 100 mins she gave me this....and b4 that...the salon attendant din even mention abt the waiting...gross..
fucking retard is not referring to her...it me btw...that's how i look...side burns so short i look like an eediot...she says the classic cut...u mean er... the retard cut...and to think u paid a fucking 26 bucks for a hairdo which only requires a person of an IQ of 10 to do. snip snip...opps..ok
btw the shop is pro trim...in west mall...the fucking 'hairdresses' is an aunty...gross...only aunty around anyway...thought i was young enough to be bullied...gross
the stupid woman who tried to cut my hair until she realises it's a tad bit too short..
until she keeps telling me all it does is a little bit of styling..
man....u shd have seen her attempt to style it..
i look like a kid whose picking up trash..
and guess wad...she didn't see that her cuts were all uneven...and she told me done...
gross...wish i could juz give her a tight slap.
after waiting for 100 mins she gave me this....and b4 that...the salon attendant din even mention abt the waiting...gross..
fucking retard is not referring to her...it me btw...that's how i look...side burns so short i look like an eediot...she says the classic cut...u mean er... the retard cut...and to think u paid a fucking 26 bucks for a hairdo which only requires a person of an IQ of 10 to do. snip snip...opps..ok
btw the shop is pro trim...in west mall...the fucking 'hairdresses' is an aunty...gross...only aunty around anyway...thought i was young enough to be bullied...gross
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
news
my parents always complain i don't read the newspaper or watch the news.
why should i? when all they show is dead bodies and grieving ppl..
i feel horrible.
why should i? when all they show is dead bodies and grieving ppl..
i feel horrible.
Monday, December 27, 2004
all the dead ppl
the whole nus cohort died today.
a friend described as water splashing on ants.
easy to die. fast and efficient.
god's way of birth control....very blasphemic
we are not the fortunate one...the dead are..
cos we still have to face the sick world.
this world is sick. so is everybody.
what are we living for?
a friend described as water splashing on ants.
easy to die. fast and efficient.
god's way of birth control....very blasphemic
we are not the fortunate one...the dead are..
cos we still have to face the sick world.
this world is sick. so is everybody.
what are we living for?
Sunday, December 26, 2004
post christmas
it's already after christmas...realised i haven't blogged for ten days...which means i haven't been back to school for this long...haha
was watching this chinese tv show on channel 8, when my dad switched to channel 9...they are like showing the same genre of shows...documentary depicting lives of ppl who are obviously tragic and pitiful, evoking guilt (after my dad keeps complaining how lucky i m and how the little girl is so mature in thought), disgust (after i've seen myself still alive and kicking) and hope (looking at how the rest around them are still surviving).
Then a thought dawn on me...why the same genre of shows at the same time from the 2 channels? trying to compete against the tragedy of humanity or the number of cycles of emotional turmoil that churns in the audience? gross.... the shows suddenly don't seem as tragic after all... both channels show what ppl wanna watch. humanity is insane...the more tragic the show is...the more they wanna stuck their noses in. when their noses get scratched...they oozed nonchalance. E.g charity shows...how many have there been? 4 this year rite? (well well, one good thing about merging channels.... less of charity shows!) do they serve their purpose? is the money channelled to ppl like the old granny who sells tissue paper every day late into the night at bb mrt station? no i don't think so. pardon me for being skeptic.... i think the aim of charity shows are not so much for charity than it is for publicity. gross.
went cycling with qijia, cher, cece, ken n wy... took some pictures along the beach. that was blissful. a very blissful day with my friends and beloved. you could have painted a picture perfect until the radio reported the earthquake at sri lanka. what the hell. when ppl were wondering if their relatives and friends are still alive...there i am...thinking about blissfulness. it doesn't take two tv channels to tell u how fortunate u r...being able to eat mac, eat ramen, have fun and be with ur loved ones HAPPILLY! gross...thousands died...thousands...that's like the whole nus arts faculty...imagine coming to school with the whole faculty missing...bcos they are all buried 6 feet underground. gross.
alritey...getting emotional...these few days eating too much...thank god brandon cancelled the steamboat...hai...what's the probability of a human from dying...i should say it's very high...judging from the natural disasters and wars all around the world...so why do we keep lamenting that we are unfortunate from time to time? humans...
was watching this chinese tv show on channel 8, when my dad switched to channel 9...they are like showing the same genre of shows...documentary depicting lives of ppl who are obviously tragic and pitiful, evoking guilt (after my dad keeps complaining how lucky i m and how the little girl is so mature in thought), disgust (after i've seen myself still alive and kicking) and hope (looking at how the rest around them are still surviving).
Then a thought dawn on me...why the same genre of shows at the same time from the 2 channels? trying to compete against the tragedy of humanity or the number of cycles of emotional turmoil that churns in the audience? gross.... the shows suddenly don't seem as tragic after all... both channels show what ppl wanna watch. humanity is insane...the more tragic the show is...the more they wanna stuck their noses in. when their noses get scratched...they oozed nonchalance. E.g charity shows...how many have there been? 4 this year rite? (well well, one good thing about merging channels.... less of charity shows!) do they serve their purpose? is the money channelled to ppl like the old granny who sells tissue paper every day late into the night at bb mrt station? no i don't think so. pardon me for being skeptic.... i think the aim of charity shows are not so much for charity than it is for publicity. gross.
went cycling with qijia, cher, cece, ken n wy... took some pictures along the beach. that was blissful. a very blissful day with my friends and beloved. you could have painted a picture perfect until the radio reported the earthquake at sri lanka. what the hell. when ppl were wondering if their relatives and friends are still alive...there i am...thinking about blissfulness. it doesn't take two tv channels to tell u how fortunate u r...being able to eat mac, eat ramen, have fun and be with ur loved ones HAPPILLY! gross...thousands died...thousands...that's like the whole nus arts faculty...imagine coming to school with the whole faculty missing...bcos they are all buried 6 feet underground. gross.
alritey...getting emotional...these few days eating too much...thank god brandon cancelled the steamboat...hai...what's the probability of a human from dying...i should say it's very high...judging from the natural disasters and wars all around the world...so why do we keep lamenting that we are unfortunate from time to time? humans...
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
malacca (pseudo johore)
woke up early yesterday cos my parents asked me to go malaysia with them...
was happily anticipating a day of shopping and munching in johor...cos that was the place my mom said we would be going..
even the destination on the arrival card was reported johore.
then my dad started saying about the long drive to malacca..
and i was like u gotta be kidding...just go johore and go malacca the next time..
quit talking about it... then my father looked baffled and said then y is he driving towards the second link..
and i happily said u gotta be kidding...and i looked at my mom... and she was like i told u we were going malacca..
then i was like u said johore..and she went...'malacca is not in johore?' stupid bimbo.
the drive was delirious...too long and i hate long journeys!!!
felt like i was on a 'thief ship' (jei chuan)
everything was getting on my nerves because it was a damn long freaking ride...gross
we ate the rice ball chicken rice...it was amazing...the rice ball can bounce! many times actually..
taste was nothing amazing though..haha
then we went to this souvenior shop which i initially refused to go in...cos i tot they only sell the durian kuey..
guess wad...there were so many things inside...
my mom was exclaiming how much we spent on food..when she commented...'even though she (me) claim that i was on the jei chuan...i think it is both of us who got robbed' hahaha.
then my dad was commenting on how i always teh him when i have problems that need his help...how bad my temper is and everything...seriously i do agree with him! hai...but it only happens to both of them...my parents i mean...my temper get so bad around them n i dunno y...hai..feel so bad...
we did managed to shop abit though...went around in about three hours...then another three hours drive back...hai...n got stuck in traffic along the way...lost our way... thanks to my always over-confident dad.
went to buy stuffs for xmas presents! hai...super broke...think this yr's presents will be hard work...hai...shall get started soon...plus i've got so many books to read! hai...
was happily anticipating a day of shopping and munching in johor...cos that was the place my mom said we would be going..
even the destination on the arrival card was reported johore.
then my dad started saying about the long drive to malacca..
and i was like u gotta be kidding...just go johore and go malacca the next time..
quit talking about it... then my father looked baffled and said then y is he driving towards the second link..
and i happily said u gotta be kidding...and i looked at my mom... and she was like i told u we were going malacca..
then i was like u said johore..and she went...'malacca is not in johore?' stupid bimbo.
the drive was delirious...too long and i hate long journeys!!!
felt like i was on a 'thief ship' (jei chuan)
everything was getting on my nerves because it was a damn long freaking ride...gross
we ate the rice ball chicken rice...it was amazing...the rice ball can bounce! many times actually..
taste was nothing amazing though..haha
then we went to this souvenior shop which i initially refused to go in...cos i tot they only sell the durian kuey..
guess wad...there were so many things inside...
my mom was exclaiming how much we spent on food..when she commented...'even though she (me) claim that i was on the jei chuan...i think it is both of us who got robbed' hahaha.
then my dad was commenting on how i always teh him when i have problems that need his help...how bad my temper is and everything...seriously i do agree with him! hai...but it only happens to both of them...my parents i mean...my temper get so bad around them n i dunno y...hai..feel so bad...
we did managed to shop abit though...went around in about three hours...then another three hours drive back...hai...n got stuck in traffic along the way...lost our way... thanks to my always over-confident dad.
went to buy stuffs for xmas presents! hai...super broke...think this yr's presents will be hard work...hai...shall get started soon...plus i've got so many books to read! hai...
Saturday, December 11, 2004
what makes an idol?
was on the way to jp to collect my specs...took 96 to clementi.
went down the bus and i was caught in a shock.
there was someone singing...a voice u'll be momentarily surprised to have seen coming out from a blind woman. she was baskering in the streets...there she goes...singing 'reflections', 'whenever wherever', and many more diva sing alongs.
i could have sworn the singing was good enough to allow one to assume it was coming out of a cd.
she couldn't have been an idol...but her voice certainly does. so there i go...cos i was still early...meekly waiting for the bus juz to hear her sing.
watched 'mona lisa's smile' during dinner...it's wierd that you have got so much time to do anything all of a sudden...wished it would never end. julia roberts wasn't considered much of an idol to the parents' alumni...haa..but to the students yes...she was the idol. she was supposed to be teaching art...in a sense...felt she was teaching sociology...the show is like dead poet's society...less tragic and a little more feminist. hah...both are great films...both depicts heartland idols. but do such heartland idols ever exist anymore? wad about the blind lady? whatever happened to what's pure?
sylvester or taufik? idol? kelly clarkson or ruben studdard? clay aiken? this is what is known of idols nowdays...haha...pretty superficial. have u ever wondered who's ur idol? who u wanna look up to? it's wierd cos i've always wanted to be so many things in my life...from young...a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a designer, a journalist, a merchandiser, a homemaker, a volunteer...wonder where will i stand in years' time. would i be any of these? hah. but i've always wanted to make change to where i will be. it's something of an idol...somebody who inspires...who amazes and who has a great big heart! hmmm...will i be that someday? perhaps...in my mind...that's wad makes an idol. hah.
'Reflections'
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think how we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
went down the bus and i was caught in a shock.
there was someone singing...a voice u'll be momentarily surprised to have seen coming out from a blind woman. she was baskering in the streets...there she goes...singing 'reflections', 'whenever wherever', and many more diva sing alongs.
i could have sworn the singing was good enough to allow one to assume it was coming out of a cd.
she couldn't have been an idol...but her voice certainly does. so there i go...cos i was still early...meekly waiting for the bus juz to hear her sing.
watched 'mona lisa's smile' during dinner...it's wierd that you have got so much time to do anything all of a sudden...wished it would never end. julia roberts wasn't considered much of an idol to the parents' alumni...haa..but to the students yes...she was the idol. she was supposed to be teaching art...in a sense...felt she was teaching sociology...the show is like dead poet's society...less tragic and a little more feminist. hah...both are great films...both depicts heartland idols. but do such heartland idols ever exist anymore? wad about the blind lady? whatever happened to what's pure?
sylvester or taufik? idol? kelly clarkson or ruben studdard? clay aiken? this is what is known of idols nowdays...haha...pretty superficial. have u ever wondered who's ur idol? who u wanna look up to? it's wierd cos i've always wanted to be so many things in my life...from young...a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a designer, a journalist, a merchandiser, a homemaker, a volunteer...wonder where will i stand in years' time. would i be any of these? hah. but i've always wanted to make change to where i will be. it's something of an idol...somebody who inspires...who amazes and who has a great big heart! hmmm...will i be that someday? perhaps...in my mind...that's wad makes an idol. hah.
'Reflections'
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day, is as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
I am now
In a world where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that i'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need
To know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think how we feel
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm someone else
For all time
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflections show
Who I am inside?
Thursday, December 09, 2004
fustrations
do i get them? yes i do. but not in ur face! not in anybody's face! u noe why? cos i get fucked when i do that. so guess wad? fuck u all! all ur fustrations vent it on urselves! go fuck somebody else if u have to. quit using it on me.
sometimes u wonder what have u done and guess wad? the only word that comes to my mouth is fuck u. fuck u!!!! fuck fuck fuck...that's how the world works isn't it?
damn.
fuck u...the one who's reading this. anybody who's reading this. quit reading and close the window. i can't write if i know there's ppl reading this. fuck u who reads and react to me accordingly. gross. get out of my life.
i'm just a fucking piece of shit. a pathetic one who's constantly sympathizing myself. do i get a nod? yes i do! from somebody and yes...fuck u too.
sometimes u wonder what have u done and guess wad? the only word that comes to my mouth is fuck u. fuck u!!!! fuck fuck fuck...that's how the world works isn't it?
damn.
fuck u...the one who's reading this. anybody who's reading this. quit reading and close the window. i can't write if i know there's ppl reading this. fuck u who reads and react to me accordingly. gross. get out of my life.
i'm just a fucking piece of shit. a pathetic one who's constantly sympathizing myself. do i get a nod? yes i do! from somebody and yes...fuck u too.
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
what have i been doing?
well...the impulse to that question would be 'nothing'
something which i've accustomed to replying for the past few months..
but i guess there was really something going on these few days..
lemme recap.
mon: wakeboarding
tues: driving and many gatherings
wed: gym, jalan jalan, shopping (not happy shopping)
well well...wakeboarding was fun, driving was exhilarating, and the gatherings were sinful!!! imagine cakes in a sushi conveyor manner, each a spoonful, with an extra serving of creme brulee! not forgetting a cheesy fattening pasta b4 that at prego's. that was juz one gathering. the gathering b4 that was horrible as well. luckily i skipped the birthday cake...haha.
hmm...went shopping with my mom at john little...some members only event. imagine how many members they have. it was so crowded i can barely walked. the queue was so damn long...din even tried on the lingerie i bought. fortunately they fit! hahaha
was waiting for my mom at the taxi stand while she queued for the free gift (a bear with a radio component...duh!), saw many sights along the way. right across me was centrepoint with their magnificent christmas decorations. christmas is coming...my favourite time of the year. strangely speaking...i dun feel very enthusiastic about it at all. wistful if u ask me. that's how i feel. i wish it would never come. i don't wanna spoil christmas.
people were walking past. i saw couples. hand in hand. happily crossing the road. talking to one another. it's an amazing sight. very heartwarming. i see families yakking as they take pictures. i see singles walking along after a hard day's work. the season's mood is everywhere. somehow this year feels wierd. i haven't even started with my gifts...
when ppl smile...do they feel happy? how do u get that happiness back? y won't anyone feel not happy? why do you get angry at ppl who care for u? why do i shout at my mom? why won't ppl accept u the way u r? why do ppl get unhappy? where's the motivation? where's the spirit? why the wistfulness?
wierd week u ask me...i've forgotten how to enjoy the things i used to enjoy doing. it's wierd how u can forget about these. i would love to make gifts but y haven i get started? i'm dreading christmas this year. wish it'll never come.
something which i've accustomed to replying for the past few months..
but i guess there was really something going on these few days..
lemme recap.
mon: wakeboarding
tues: driving and many gatherings
wed: gym, jalan jalan, shopping (not happy shopping)
well well...wakeboarding was fun, driving was exhilarating, and the gatherings were sinful!!! imagine cakes in a sushi conveyor manner, each a spoonful, with an extra serving of creme brulee! not forgetting a cheesy fattening pasta b4 that at prego's. that was juz one gathering. the gathering b4 that was horrible as well. luckily i skipped the birthday cake...haha.
hmm...went shopping with my mom at john little...some members only event. imagine how many members they have. it was so crowded i can barely walked. the queue was so damn long...din even tried on the lingerie i bought. fortunately they fit! hahaha
was waiting for my mom at the taxi stand while she queued for the free gift (a bear with a radio component...duh!), saw many sights along the way. right across me was centrepoint with their magnificent christmas decorations. christmas is coming...my favourite time of the year. strangely speaking...i dun feel very enthusiastic about it at all. wistful if u ask me. that's how i feel. i wish it would never come. i don't wanna spoil christmas.
people were walking past. i saw couples. hand in hand. happily crossing the road. talking to one another. it's an amazing sight. very heartwarming. i see families yakking as they take pictures. i see singles walking along after a hard day's work. the season's mood is everywhere. somehow this year feels wierd. i haven't even started with my gifts...
when ppl smile...do they feel happy? how do u get that happiness back? y won't anyone feel not happy? why do you get angry at ppl who care for u? why do i shout at my mom? why won't ppl accept u the way u r? why do ppl get unhappy? where's the motivation? where's the spirit? why the wistfulness?
wierd week u ask me...i've forgotten how to enjoy the things i used to enjoy doing. it's wierd how u can forget about these. i would love to make gifts but y haven i get started? i'm dreading christmas this year. wish it'll never come.
Thursday, December 02, 2004
out of the ordinary thursday
went for my first driving lesson today...
haha...and i drove! i drove!! for the first time in my life..
haha in a circuit...it's pretty exciting!!
looking forward to my next lesson...haha
at first i tot i was pretty scary...but seriously at 20km/hr would be quite sia suay for that right??
was on the bus back to school to meet jj and sihui..
sat beside this ger..
young little girl...and she was damn weird..
i mean can see she has abit of problem..
she used her leg to hit my bag...and started telling her mom she was in pain..
i dozed off in about a while and guess wad..
she woke me up by scratching her ez link card holder on my shoulder and on my hands..
and b4 she got down the bus she happily scratched a few more times and gave me a sly smile..
omg...but anyway think she's abit bonkers...hai..
but lucky i'm in a good mood...bcos of the driving!!!
i msged my dad abt my driving..
guess wad he replied?
daddy: no big deal right?
hai....wad a splash of cold water..
haha
haha...and i drove! i drove!! for the first time in my life..
haha in a circuit...it's pretty exciting!!
looking forward to my next lesson...haha
at first i tot i was pretty scary...but seriously at 20km/hr would be quite sia suay for that right??
was on the bus back to school to meet jj and sihui..
sat beside this ger..
young little girl...and she was damn weird..
i mean can see she has abit of problem..
she used her leg to hit my bag...and started telling her mom she was in pain..
i dozed off in about a while and guess wad..
she woke me up by scratching her ez link card holder on my shoulder and on my hands..
and b4 she got down the bus she happily scratched a few more times and gave me a sly smile..
omg...but anyway think she's abit bonkers...hai..
but lucky i'm in a good mood...bcos of the driving!!!
i msged my dad abt my driving..
guess wad he replied?
daddy: no big deal right?
hai....wad a splash of cold water..
haha
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
driving...ooh la la...driving ooh la la...driving ooh la la!
i became an ah sam today..
reached my room at about seven plus...started cleaning up..
cleaned my tables, my shelves, stacked books together, got rid of unwanted things...
wash my clothes, wash my bedsheets..
think my mom would be really glad if i actually did all these at home..
hahaha..
well well..
the good news is...
i'll be having my first practical driving on thurs!!!!!!
ooh la la!!!!
so excited!!!! feel like doing the roundabout dance...u noe the one that u clapse ur hands together in a ring then start dancing by circling ur butt?? *jj think u noe wad it is...we did that when we won the table soccer game* hahaha
so excited...my day's pretty planned i think. not that bad for a start..
today: nua abit here n there...read all the driving books
tomorrow: go for driving theory practice...read tha practical book...start xmas preparation
thurs: go for driving practical...then theory evaluation...then meet jj n sihui to sing sing sing..lalala
fri: meet jj to attend the contact lens solution workshop training...go for jean's bday party..
hmm...wad bout sat?? anyone wanna jio me??
hahaha..
so excited about the driving.. *dancing*
reached my room at about seven plus...started cleaning up..
cleaned my tables, my shelves, stacked books together, got rid of unwanted things...
wash my clothes, wash my bedsheets..
think my mom would be really glad if i actually did all these at home..
hahaha..
well well..
the good news is...
i'll be having my first practical driving on thurs!!!!!!
ooh la la!!!!
so excited!!!! feel like doing the roundabout dance...u noe the one that u clapse ur hands together in a ring then start dancing by circling ur butt?? *jj think u noe wad it is...we did that when we won the table soccer game* hahaha
so excited...my day's pretty planned i think. not that bad for a start..
today: nua abit here n there...read all the driving books
tomorrow: go for driving theory practice...read tha practical book...start xmas preparation
thurs: go for driving practical...then theory evaluation...then meet jj n sihui to sing sing sing..lalala
fri: meet jj to attend the contact lens solution workshop training...go for jean's bday party..
hmm...wad bout sat?? anyone wanna jio me??
hahaha..
so excited about the driving.. *dancing*
Friday, November 26, 2004
hmm...or lalala..
exam completed today..
went for lunch with sze, yun, cui and alice..
it looks like a normal day.
went bbdc..they told me the book still not out yet..
efficiency not that high huh?
wasted trip going down.
ate don pie today..
was going to fly kite with wy...
in the end we made so much changes..
haa...we went ktv instead!
two person singing...kinda farnie.
did a horrible thing today..
we were suppose to take a train back to clementi kbox
we didn't realise we took the wrong one..the north line.
a lady was asking if this line was the right one to go bishan...and we were so blur we actually said NO. she had taken the wrong train and has already missed the interchange stop. it was until wy heard the word somerset then we realise we are the ones who were mistaken. let's hope she's not lost...feel quite bad lei..
so it was ktv at somerset instead clementi...
we went this open hawker stalls beside somerset mrt for dinner..
it was horrible!!!!
the stuffs were so expensive!
imagine the min price is 5 bucks and they tasted alright only..
so silly... total exploitation..
but it was quite bad that wy paid for it..
hahaha
alritey that's my day..
wierd day though...a little lost..haha
suddenly too much time to do everything
dunno which one to start first..
well...anomie again
went for lunch with sze, yun, cui and alice..
it looks like a normal day.
went bbdc..they told me the book still not out yet..
efficiency not that high huh?
wasted trip going down.
ate don pie today..
was going to fly kite with wy...
in the end we made so much changes..
haa...we went ktv instead!
two person singing...kinda farnie.
did a horrible thing today..
we were suppose to take a train back to clementi kbox
we didn't realise we took the wrong one..the north line.
a lady was asking if this line was the right one to go bishan...and we were so blur we actually said NO. she had taken the wrong train and has already missed the interchange stop. it was until wy heard the word somerset then we realise we are the ones who were mistaken. let's hope she's not lost...feel quite bad lei..
so it was ktv at somerset instead clementi...
we went this open hawker stalls beside somerset mrt for dinner..
it was horrible!!!!
the stuffs were so expensive!
imagine the min price is 5 bucks and they tasted alright only..
so silly... total exploitation..
but it was quite bad that wy paid for it..
hahaha
alritey that's my day..
wierd day though...a little lost..haha
suddenly too much time to do everything
dunno which one to start first..
well...anomie again
Thursday, November 25, 2004
True
I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
I'ts time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me
You might think I don't look
But deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So I will not hide
I'ts time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true
You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move
I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?
I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Dolphins are man's best friend too.
came across this article in straitstimes...very interesting..
Dolphins shield swimmers from shark in NZ
WELLINGTON - A pod of dolphins saved a group of swimmers from a predatory three-metre great white shark off the northern New Zealand coast, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.
The unusual incident occurred on Oct 30 when lifeguard Rob Howes took his 15-year-old daughter Niccy and two of her friends swimming near the town of Whangarei, The Northern Advocate said.
The dolphins, 'started to herd us up, they pushed all four of us together by doing tight circles around us', Mr Howes told the newspaper. When he tried to break away from the protective group, two of the bigger dolphins herded him back, he said.
He then spotted what he described as a three-metre great white shark cruising towards them, but the man-eater was apparently repelled by the ring of dolphins and swam away.
'It was only about two metres away from me, the water was crystal clear and it was as clear as the nose on my face,' he said.
Mr Howes realised what the dolphins were doing: 'They had corralled us up to protect us.'
Another lifeguard, Mr Matt Fleet, on patrol in a lifeboat, saw the dolphins circling the swimmers and slapping their tails on the water to keep them in place. He told the newspaper he also had a clear sighting of the shark.
'Some of the people later on the beach tried to tell me it was just another dolphin but I knew what I saw,' he said.
Ms Ingrid Visser, who has been studying marine mammals for 14 years, told the newspaper that there have been reports from around the world of dolphins protecting swimmers. She said that in this case the dolphins probably sensed the humans were in danger and took action to protect them. -- AP
Dolphins shield swimmers from shark in NZ
WELLINGTON - A pod of dolphins saved a group of swimmers from a predatory three-metre great white shark off the northern New Zealand coast, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.
The unusual incident occurred on Oct 30 when lifeguard Rob Howes took his 15-year-old daughter Niccy and two of her friends swimming near the town of Whangarei, The Northern Advocate said.
The dolphins, 'started to herd us up, they pushed all four of us together by doing tight circles around us', Mr Howes told the newspaper. When he tried to break away from the protective group, two of the bigger dolphins herded him back, he said.
He then spotted what he described as a three-metre great white shark cruising towards them, but the man-eater was apparently repelled by the ring of dolphins and swam away.
'It was only about two metres away from me, the water was crystal clear and it was as clear as the nose on my face,' he said.
Mr Howes realised what the dolphins were doing: 'They had corralled us up to protect us.'
Another lifeguard, Mr Matt Fleet, on patrol in a lifeboat, saw the dolphins circling the swimmers and slapping their tails on the water to keep them in place. He told the newspaper he also had a clear sighting of the shark.
'Some of the people later on the beach tried to tell me it was just another dolphin but I knew what I saw,' he said.
Ms Ingrid Visser, who has been studying marine mammals for 14 years, told the newspaper that there have been reports from around the world of dolphins protecting swimmers. She said that in this case the dolphins probably sensed the humans were in danger and took action to protect them. -- AP
Monday, November 22, 2004
psychology
having my second paper in like 90 mins time...went through one set of exam paper..
it is definitely enough to make you conclude that the text that you have been studying bounds up to nothing. NOTHING!
it's so damn difficult...wonder what am i studying for??? shall apply some of my knowledge...
the government in singapore hopes education would allow her ppl to learn....that, i would assume a learning goal....they failed to realise because the system is based on achievement...it becomes a performance goal...in the end thru moderation...we learn nothing!!!!
conclusion: university is a total waste of money! arggh! waste of resources (papers that are graded zero!) arggh...this is totally insane..
my mind is so saturated and the horrible thing is...saturation point is still not enough to get correct answers!! argh.
aniwaez as u can see...i'm perfectly fine ppl...except for the horrors associated with exams...and only exams!!!! i have absolutely NO TIME for PARANOIA and DEPRESSION! arggh...failing failing...i am typing incohesively...a very vital trait of schizophrenia...disorganized schizophrenia...one thing i learn in psy too...any other stuff?? hmm...major depressive disorder...hmm...we are now undergoing seasonal affective disorder....to assimilate my schema...would be to say that this season = exams season...gross...so many psy terms...i m really going bonkers!
absolute threshold: the minimun effort needed to feel a stimuli = one past year paper 90 mins b4 the exam is sufficient a stimuli to make u feel worthless.
arggh!
god help me.
it is definitely enough to make you conclude that the text that you have been studying bounds up to nothing. NOTHING!
it's so damn difficult...wonder what am i studying for??? shall apply some of my knowledge...
the government in singapore hopes education would allow her ppl to learn....that, i would assume a learning goal....they failed to realise because the system is based on achievement...it becomes a performance goal...in the end thru moderation...we learn nothing!!!!
conclusion: university is a total waste of money! arggh! waste of resources (papers that are graded zero!) arggh...this is totally insane..
my mind is so saturated and the horrible thing is...saturation point is still not enough to get correct answers!! argh.
aniwaez as u can see...i'm perfectly fine ppl...except for the horrors associated with exams...and only exams!!!! i have absolutely NO TIME for PARANOIA and DEPRESSION! arggh...failing failing...i am typing incohesively...a very vital trait of schizophrenia...disorganized schizophrenia...one thing i learn in psy too...any other stuff?? hmm...major depressive disorder...hmm...we are now undergoing seasonal affective disorder....to assimilate my schema...would be to say that this season = exams season...gross...so many psy terms...i m really going bonkers!
absolute threshold: the minimun effort needed to feel a stimuli = one past year paper 90 mins b4 the exam is sufficient a stimuli to make u feel worthless.
arggh!
god help me.
Friday, November 19, 2004
That's all
I can only give you love that lasts forever,
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own,
For you and you alone.
That's all,That's all.
I can only give you country walks in springtime,
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall,
And a love whose burning light,
Will warm the winter night.
That's all,That's all.
There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love time can never destroy.
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore.
That's all,That's all.
And a promise to be near each time you call.
And the only heart I own,
For you and you alone.
That's all,That's all.
I can only give you country walks in springtime,
And a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall,
And a love whose burning light,
Will warm the winter night.
That's all,That's all.
There are those I am sure who have told you,
They would give you the world for a toy.
All I have are these arms to enfold you,
And a love time can never destroy.
If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear,
You'll be glad to know that my demands are small.
Say it's me that you'll adore,
For now and evermore.
That's all,That's all.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
a scripture a day to guide your way =)
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never wil I leave you; never will I forsake you."
So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
-Hebrews 13: 5-6
Though all around is darkness,
Earthly joys have flown;
My Savior whispers His promise
Never to leave me alone.
::No matter where you go, God goes with you::
So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"
-Hebrews 13: 5-6
Though all around is darkness,
Earthly joys have flown;
My Savior whispers His promise
Never to leave me alone.
::No matter where you go, God goes with you::
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Exams stress
what will exams stress do to ppl??
hmm...in wierd way i'm not getting that stress yet...but i guess many are..
oh no!!! is this ooz of nonchalance also a symptom of exam stress? a desire to cast off everything and just do what i have to do instead of doing it efficiently to achieve what i ought to? confused? yeah...me too..
went to study room early this morn...whole place was 'oh so man' crowded. it was like onli ten o clock. guess wad...saw yun's friend and she offered me a seat...and she was there since 7!!! gross...
there i was trying to concentrate after lunch...until i saw an amazing sight! i've heard about ppl being very 'lak seh' during exams times...but seriously...i didn't quite expect THIS beyond the usual wake up attire, meshed up hairstyles and sleeping face marks! this girl was right in front of me.....digging her nose. yeah...laying tracks on the mrt!! rolling the dirt n flicking it away!!! seriously i would have made sure my window blind was down b4 i did that in my room...haa.. i guess she juz tot no one was looking...looking studious doesn't imply real studying...alrite...i'm talking abt me..
next! peeping tom!!! gross...can u imagine that? one got caught in okr and the next starts its prowl at EA. he was seen looking really stressed up! oh man...looking at boobs make u less stress?? hmm...maybe more blood flows south n the brain gets less activity therefore less stress levels??? hmm...somebody please test the hypothesis!!! gross..would have totally freaked out if it was me!!! i would be rather conscious seriously...wad if he sees and turns away? dat would be so sad! haa
guess wad? i think the exams stress is too great? two silly animals actually locked themselves IN. locked IN. very oxymoronic right? apparently, the two RAs above me actually jammed the latch right in! now that's some news to cause a hoo ha...RAs destroying school property! way to go man! wad a good way to rebel OSA!! haha...u guys are better than eunice!!!!! =P
alritey...so wad's with the exam stress?? i'm still feeling nothing. gross.. but i think my appetite is starting to increase and my legs can't seem to start the running pace...which is the reason y i'm sitting more than usual. but wait...isn't tat because i studied too much?? haa..good n bad in both sense ya? hai...i think this sem is gonna flung man...
hmm...in wierd way i'm not getting that stress yet...but i guess many are..
oh no!!! is this ooz of nonchalance also a symptom of exam stress? a desire to cast off everything and just do what i have to do instead of doing it efficiently to achieve what i ought to? confused? yeah...me too..
went to study room early this morn...whole place was 'oh so man' crowded. it was like onli ten o clock. guess wad...saw yun's friend and she offered me a seat...and she was there since 7!!! gross...
there i was trying to concentrate after lunch...until i saw an amazing sight! i've heard about ppl being very 'lak seh' during exams times...but seriously...i didn't quite expect THIS beyond the usual wake up attire, meshed up hairstyles and sleeping face marks! this girl was right in front of me.....digging her nose. yeah...laying tracks on the mrt!! rolling the dirt n flicking it away!!! seriously i would have made sure my window blind was down b4 i did that in my room...haa.. i guess she juz tot no one was looking...looking studious doesn't imply real studying...alrite...i'm talking abt me..
next! peeping tom!!! gross...can u imagine that? one got caught in okr and the next starts its prowl at EA. he was seen looking really stressed up! oh man...looking at boobs make u less stress?? hmm...maybe more blood flows south n the brain gets less activity therefore less stress levels??? hmm...somebody please test the hypothesis!!! gross..would have totally freaked out if it was me!!! i would be rather conscious seriously...wad if he sees and turns away? dat would be so sad! haa
guess wad? i think the exams stress is too great? two silly animals actually locked themselves IN. locked IN. very oxymoronic right? apparently, the two RAs above me actually jammed the latch right in! now that's some news to cause a hoo ha...RAs destroying school property! way to go man! wad a good way to rebel OSA!! haha...u guys are better than eunice!!!!! =P
alritey...so wad's with the exam stress?? i'm still feeling nothing. gross.. but i think my appetite is starting to increase and my legs can't seem to start the running pace...which is the reason y i'm sitting more than usual. but wait...isn't tat because i studied too much?? haa..good n bad in both sense ya? hai...i think this sem is gonna flung man...
Monday, November 15, 2004
Damned!
What should I do? How Should I react? Do I have to keep smiling? Or show the anger that manifests? Do I know how to love? Should I continue? Do I know what I want? Do I know what anybody wants? What is wrong? Everything is wrong? Am I making myself crazy? Am i stupid or what? Am I silly? So many facts. So many things done. How can this kinda thing happen? Can I be forgiving enough? Will we be the same? Will it happen again? Can i die?
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Please stop!
stop everything!!! just stop everything!
i don't wanna go out. i don't wanna talk.
stop asking me to eat. stop asking me out. stop making me tok. stop touching me. stop saying hi. stop buying me food. stop buying me things. stop giving me money. stop smiling at me. stop trying. stop trying to do everything. i don't want anything. let me be alone! i want to be alone! i want to stay alone! i just want to be in my room. don't do anything. please stop. just stop. don't hug me. don't hold me. don't ask me anything. don't contact me. stop having to do anything with me. i just want everything to stop. everybody please stop. i want to be alone. stop obliging. stop agreeing. stop everything. stop trying to smile when u don't want to. stop lying. stop behaving like a clown. i feel like the clown. stop all the stupid lies. stop the care. stop the concern. i hate it.
pretend i don't exist. pretend i'm not around. pretend there's no such person. pretend i'm non-existent. pretend i don't stay in sch. pretend i'm uncontactable. pretend i'm dead.
i want to sleep. i miss sleeping. why can't i sleep? i want the thoughts to stop. i want everything to stop. i want to rest. i'm very tired. i don't want to smile. i don't want to act like a clown. i don't want to be a burden. i don't want to laugh. i don't want to cry. i don't want to frown. i just want to be alone. please please leave me alone. everyone. no-one. anybody.
i don't wanna go out. i don't wanna talk.
stop asking me to eat. stop asking me out. stop making me tok. stop touching me. stop saying hi. stop buying me food. stop buying me things. stop giving me money. stop smiling at me. stop trying. stop trying to do everything. i don't want anything. let me be alone! i want to be alone! i want to stay alone! i just want to be in my room. don't do anything. please stop. just stop. don't hug me. don't hold me. don't ask me anything. don't contact me. stop having to do anything with me. i just want everything to stop. everybody please stop. i want to be alone. stop obliging. stop agreeing. stop everything. stop trying to smile when u don't want to. stop lying. stop behaving like a clown. i feel like the clown. stop all the stupid lies. stop the care. stop the concern. i hate it.
pretend i don't exist. pretend i'm not around. pretend there's no such person. pretend i'm non-existent. pretend i don't stay in sch. pretend i'm uncontactable. pretend i'm dead.
i want to sleep. i miss sleeping. why can't i sleep? i want the thoughts to stop. i want everything to stop. i want to rest. i'm very tired. i don't want to smile. i don't want to act like a clown. i don't want to be a burden. i don't want to laugh. i don't want to cry. i don't want to frown. i just want to be alone. please please leave me alone. everyone. no-one. anybody.
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Disappointments!
Gross....one resident sent me a mail titled disappointment!
can u imagine that? I should be the one to tell them that.
What good are reminder notices and emails when ppl simply don't heed them? What good are well-educated varsity students who don't even spare a thought for others around them? Seriously what have we achieved from education except probably an increase in knowledge?? What about an upgrade in morals? I think this is the failure of education. Oh man... Study until so smart for wad? Heart still as black.
Imagine residents who simply refuse to use the filter when they wash the dishes. Imagine the clogs every once in a few days. Imagine residents who used the filter but refuse to empty it. Imagine residents who leave unwash dishes in the cupboards. Imagine residents who uses other ppl's stuffs without asking. Imagine residents who spills foodstuffs in the pantry and refuse to clean them up. What is this place?? A hotel or a hostel?? U think there are cleaners here round the clock?? U think Auntie Anna and Uncle Simon are responsible to clean the shit after u??? Oh man...u think u pay enough for them to do such shitty work???
Why can't ppl juz spare a thought for one another? Why can't ppl juz live life normal? Why can't ppl juz treat hostel as ur own home?? Do u mess up your home lidat? Gross. Humans are really selfish. Whatever happen to the fairy tale world we were brought up to believe in? Evil ppl gets their just desserts, but it doesn't happen in the real world! I hate this man.
Sometimes i really wish ppl would live in harmony. That would mean no wars right? Isn't that great? But simple things like this cannot be achieve how could one think of greater aims? Gross.
Where have our basic human nature gone to? What about consideration for others? Love your neighbour as yourself? Isn't that one of the commandments?
Sometimes I wish the residents could juz read this. Let them know how much inconveniences they are causing. Nothing can be done if they do not at least be considerate. How can I make them understand that? Seriously I'm not sure the answer myself.
can u imagine that? I should be the one to tell them that.
What good are reminder notices and emails when ppl simply don't heed them? What good are well-educated varsity students who don't even spare a thought for others around them? Seriously what have we achieved from education except probably an increase in knowledge?? What about an upgrade in morals? I think this is the failure of education. Oh man... Study until so smart for wad? Heart still as black.
Imagine residents who simply refuse to use the filter when they wash the dishes. Imagine the clogs every once in a few days. Imagine residents who used the filter but refuse to empty it. Imagine residents who leave unwash dishes in the cupboards. Imagine residents who uses other ppl's stuffs without asking. Imagine residents who spills foodstuffs in the pantry and refuse to clean them up. What is this place?? A hotel or a hostel?? U think there are cleaners here round the clock?? U think Auntie Anna and Uncle Simon are responsible to clean the shit after u??? Oh man...u think u pay enough for them to do such shitty work???
Why can't ppl juz spare a thought for one another? Why can't ppl juz live life normal? Why can't ppl juz treat hostel as ur own home?? Do u mess up your home lidat? Gross. Humans are really selfish. Whatever happen to the fairy tale world we were brought up to believe in? Evil ppl gets their just desserts, but it doesn't happen in the real world! I hate this man.
Sometimes i really wish ppl would live in harmony. That would mean no wars right? Isn't that great? But simple things like this cannot be achieve how could one think of greater aims? Gross.
Where have our basic human nature gone to? What about consideration for others? Love your neighbour as yourself? Isn't that one of the commandments?
Sometimes I wish the residents could juz read this. Let them know how much inconveniences they are causing. Nothing can be done if they do not at least be considerate. How can I make them understand that? Seriously I'm not sure the answer myself.
Sunday, November 07, 2004
I know who holds tomorrow =)
I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
And I don't borrow from the sunshine
'Cause the skies might turn to grey.
And I don't worry about the future,
'Cause I know what Jesus said,
And today I'm gonna walk right beside him
'Cause he's the one who knows what is ahead.
There are things about tomorrow
That I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
And each step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb.
And every burden is getting lighter
And all the clouds, their silver line.
And, I'll bet the sun it's always shining
And no tears will ever dim the eye
And the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains, they touch the sky.
I just live from day to day.
And I don't borrow from the sunshine
'Cause the skies might turn to grey.
And I don't worry about the future,
'Cause I know what Jesus said,
And today I'm gonna walk right beside him
'Cause he's the one who knows what is ahead.
There are things about tomorrow
That I don't seem to understand
But I know who holds tomorrow
And I know who holds my hand.
And each step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb.
And every burden is getting lighter
And all the clouds, their silver line.
And, I'll bet the sun it's always shining
And no tears will ever dim the eye
And the ending of the rainbow
Where the mountains, they touch the sky.
Saturday, November 06, 2004
yesterday once more
When I was young I'd listen to the radio
Waiting for my favorite songs
When they played I'd sing along
It made me smile
Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well
Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they started to sing
So fine
When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more
Looking back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed
It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I'd memorize each word
Those old melodies S
till sound so good to me
As they melt the years away
will i sing this again? i don't think so.
Waiting for my favorite songs
When they played I'd sing along
It made me smile
Those were such happy times
And not so long ago
How I wondered where they'd gone
But they're back again
Just like a long lost friend
All the songs I loved so well
Every Sha-la-la-la
Every Wo-wo-wo
Still shines
Every shing-a-ling-a-ling
That they started to sing
So fine
When they get to the part
Where he's breakin' her heart
It can really make me cry
Just like before
It's yesterday once more
Looking back on how it was
In years gone by
And the good times that I had
Makes today seem rather sad
So much has changed
It was songs of love that
I would sing to then
And I'd memorize each word
Those old melodies S
till sound so good to me
As they melt the years away
will i sing this again? i don't think so.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
pause
life went on a standstill two days after my last entry.
i don't update my blog anymore.
i write in my book, my beetlebug book.
many secrets that i write....things some may know...some others may not know.
which i intend to keep a secret.
my life has changed...haa..whether i like it anot.
but yeah..thanks to those friends who have been around...i feel really blessed
really...such a blessing hard to come.
you know who u r ppl =)
i dunno wad's gonna come...m i gonna be happy or sad? or rather none at all..
but i take this as a time to find myself back..
it'll be hard...but i can manage =)
**remember my essay??? haha...alot of determination right??
yesyes...i'm alone but yeah i can manage...so please don't worry!!!!!
i feel bad if u ppl worry!!!!! arggh...i don't like to make ppl worry one =)
i'm not stopping sisters...the title of the blog is pause...i'm juz pausing..haa
there are many things which i really wanna say...but i really dunno how to tell u..
i'm not sure if u are reading this..but yeah...god will guide...for the better =)
i don't update my blog anymore.
i write in my book, my beetlebug book.
many secrets that i write....things some may know...some others may not know.
which i intend to keep a secret.
my life has changed...haa..whether i like it anot.
but yeah..thanks to those friends who have been around...i feel really blessed
really...such a blessing hard to come.
you know who u r ppl =)
i dunno wad's gonna come...m i gonna be happy or sad? or rather none at all..
but i take this as a time to find myself back..
it'll be hard...but i can manage =)
**remember my essay??? haha...alot of determination right??
yesyes...i'm alone but yeah i can manage...so please don't worry!!!!!
i feel bad if u ppl worry!!!!! arggh...i don't like to make ppl worry one =)
i'm not stopping sisters...the title of the blog is pause...i'm juz pausing..haa
there are many things which i really wanna say...but i really dunno how to tell u..
i'm not sure if u are reading this..but yeah...god will guide...for the better =)
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Faith
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." - Hebrews 11:1
This was part of the scripture for today. really glad i went for service...amazingly alone. haha
the person leading the praise was talking about casting your burdens to god...and it was amazing that she seems to understand everything. sometimes god speaks through ppl when u dun have ears to listen.
was really touched by what she said...she was touched too. she had to control her tears as she was leading. then in front of me i saw a girl passing a packet of tissue paper to the friend beside her. it is true that everyone has burdens...all ages and at all times. so y not cast to him who can guide u thru?
he guided everything thru. yes he did. i wanna walk by faith n live by faith each day. because however things turn out...it's always for the best.
i have to keep telling myself that. there are testimonies everywhere so why am i doubting still? sometimes u juz live a day by a day. it's kinda scary but i guess even i have faith...it takes time to adapt right?
God will make a way where there seems to be no way. he works in ways we cannot see, he will make a way for me. he will be my guide, hold me closely to his side. with love and strength for each new day. he will make a way. he will make a way.
i shall have faith in him.
This was part of the scripture for today. really glad i went for service...amazingly alone. haha
the person leading the praise was talking about casting your burdens to god...and it was amazing that she seems to understand everything. sometimes god speaks through ppl when u dun have ears to listen.
was really touched by what she said...she was touched too. she had to control her tears as she was leading. then in front of me i saw a girl passing a packet of tissue paper to the friend beside her. it is true that everyone has burdens...all ages and at all times. so y not cast to him who can guide u thru?
he guided everything thru. yes he did. i wanna walk by faith n live by faith each day. because however things turn out...it's always for the best.
i have to keep telling myself that. there are testimonies everywhere so why am i doubting still? sometimes u juz live a day by a day. it's kinda scary but i guess even i have faith...it takes time to adapt right?
God will make a way where there seems to be no way. he works in ways we cannot see, he will make a way for me. he will be my guide, hold me closely to his side. with love and strength for each new day. he will make a way. he will make a way.
i shall have faith in him.
Saturday, October 23, 2004
stay happy
i wanna stay happy..
how u say?
it's not ez...would be if things weren't like this..
so i guess adaptation is the only answer..
how again u ask?
i have my own means.
keeping it a secret of cos.
i'm still waiting though
for the guy to sing this song to me.
how u say?
it's not ez...would be if things weren't like this..
so i guess adaptation is the only answer..
how again u ask?
i have my own means.
keeping it a secret of cos.
i'm still waiting though
for the guy to sing this song to me.
Friday, October 22, 2004
horror horror!~
gers! i believe we are officially insane!
it's 115 in the morning on a friday morning and we are still messing around with our blogskins!!!
omg! it's bad for the exams..hehe
aniwaez how's the blog skin?? comments comments??
i realise there's no comment column now..but wad the heck! there's a tag box so juz make do with it!
i realise i like html quote!
i m a genius!
it's 115 in the morning on a friday morning and we are still messing around with our blogskins!!!
omg! it's bad for the exams..hehe
aniwaez how's the blog skin?? comments comments??
i realise there's no comment column now..but wad the heck! there's a tag box so juz make do with it!
i realise i like html quote!
i m a genius!
Thursday, October 21, 2004
21 oct 2004
i'll be true, i'll be useful...
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
and i said i've gotta be honest
i've been waiting for you all my life.
for so long i thought i was asylum bound,
but just seeing you makes me think twice.
and being with you here makes me sane,
i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side.
you've got wits...you've got looks,
you've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?
tonight.
tonight.
i'll be cavalier...i'll be yours my dear.
and i'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through.
this is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating.
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, whats the sense in waiting?
and i said i've gotta be honest
i've been waiting for you all my life.
for so long i thought i was asylum bound,
but just seeing you makes me think twice.
and being with you here makes me sane,
i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side.
you've got wits...you've got looks,
you've got passion but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?
tonight.
tonight.
when life becomes a dread
a friend told me that he wants to give up everything..
because life is no longer under his control.
he is controlled by his friends, family, gf and studies.
he doesn't feel the happiness anymore.
the only time he feels happy is when he's alone.
that's the only time no outside factors can harm him.
harm u say...cos life is no longer his but it belongs to others.
he doesn't believe in saying no to others...
his life is always helping others around him..
much to the degree that he forsakes himself..
to him...you will not be able to do what you want in life..
because that'll cause others to be disappointed.
but i think he doesn't realise this..
having a life that he is happy with doesn't make the others any sadder..
the others will be happy for u juz for the fact that u r happy..
still there are others who couldn't care less..
because their lives go on the same.
it is true that to give would entails a take..
but the giving cannot be coming from the same person..
if that's the case..whatever will happen to the rest?
and what is going to happen to the one who always gives?
the giver becomes the dreaded..
because he no longer lives a life for himself but for others.
he no longer chooses what he likes but what others like.
this is a life no longer of a human.
he'll see life at the deepest trench man ever dug
but life is suppose to be beautiful
to give up everything would be a lose lose situation
because u gave up even the beautiful part of life
to say to put self before others may be selfish..
but come to think of it..
there should be a balance somewhere or another..
i'm sure others wouldn't want to see u live a life like this as well..
sometimes freedom can be chosen..
u juz have to make an effort.
consequences may be drastic
but behind every ending..
there will always entail a beginning.
because life is no longer under his control.
he is controlled by his friends, family, gf and studies.
he doesn't feel the happiness anymore.
the only time he feels happy is when he's alone.
that's the only time no outside factors can harm him.
harm u say...cos life is no longer his but it belongs to others.
he doesn't believe in saying no to others...
his life is always helping others around him..
much to the degree that he forsakes himself..
to him...you will not be able to do what you want in life..
because that'll cause others to be disappointed.
but i think he doesn't realise this..
having a life that he is happy with doesn't make the others any sadder..
the others will be happy for u juz for the fact that u r happy..
still there are others who couldn't care less..
because their lives go on the same.
it is true that to give would entails a take..
but the giving cannot be coming from the same person..
if that's the case..whatever will happen to the rest?
and what is going to happen to the one who always gives?
the giver becomes the dreaded..
because he no longer lives a life for himself but for others.
he no longer chooses what he likes but what others like.
this is a life no longer of a human.
he'll see life at the deepest trench man ever dug
but life is suppose to be beautiful
to give up everything would be a lose lose situation
because u gave up even the beautiful part of life
to say to put self before others may be selfish..
but come to think of it..
there should be a balance somewhere or another..
i'm sure others wouldn't want to see u live a life like this as well..
sometimes freedom can be chosen..
u juz have to make an effort.
consequences may be drastic
but behind every ending..
there will always entail a beginning.
Wednesday, October 20, 2004
countdown to stupidity
gross...failed my econs test..
think this is the first of all failures for the next few weeks..
psychology shd come after that.
then all the various essays..
gross.
wad the hell..
this sem is a goner
think this is the first of all failures for the next few weeks..
psychology shd come after that.
then all the various essays..
gross.
wad the hell..
this sem is a goner
Monday, October 18, 2004
one goes free and the other waits
Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. =)
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me.
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. =)
rainbows and butterflies
they do exist. they make things beautiful. are they always there you say? yes
they are around us, but we just choose not to look out for them.
sometimes rainbows and butterflies don't happen to us, but to people around us. feeling happy for them makes life beautiful.
buddy sent me a card!!! very sweet =) but too bad cannot keep..
http://ecardview.hallmark.com/hmk/Website/greeting.jsp?bae=3&mailID=BAE_ECARD_Order&id=EG5146-017477-12295159&userID=0
haa...think my dad dotes on me...he drove me back just now after i 'teh' him..hahaha..shall ask him go for dinner this week. he asked me to bring tennis racket back to hall too!! haa
sometimes i think gers bitch too much... so weird..we know that we bitch too much but we juz can't shut our mouths!! haha... but can't be blamed...we are by nature more emotional...problems must be solved! maybe the guys can help us abit and try to accomodate?? we DO feel bad after bitching. really! sometimes the woman is bitching...but underlying she may juz be saying 'i feel so insecure...why don't u juz gimme a hug?' hmm...no wonder they say women don't say what they think..
btw...buddy got a gf! so excited for him! but i think i'm still one of the most impt ger in his life la..rite bud?? =)
they are around us, but we just choose not to look out for them.
sometimes rainbows and butterflies don't happen to us, but to people around us. feeling happy for them makes life beautiful.
buddy sent me a card!!! very sweet =) but too bad cannot keep..
http://ecardview.hallmark.com/hmk/Website/greeting.jsp?bae=3&mailID=BAE_ECARD_Order&id=EG5146-017477-12295159&userID=0
haa...think my dad dotes on me...he drove me back just now after i 'teh' him..hahaha..shall ask him go for dinner this week. he asked me to bring tennis racket back to hall too!! haa
sometimes i think gers bitch too much... so weird..we know that we bitch too much but we juz can't shut our mouths!! haha... but can't be blamed...we are by nature more emotional...problems must be solved! maybe the guys can help us abit and try to accomodate?? we DO feel bad after bitching. really! sometimes the woman is bitching...but underlying she may juz be saying 'i feel so insecure...why don't u juz gimme a hug?' hmm...no wonder they say women don't say what they think..
btw...buddy got a gf! so excited for him! but i think i'm still one of the most impt ger in his life la..rite bud?? =)
Friday, October 15, 2004
and you thought...
ten years before i dreamed of so many things..
i wanted to be a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a journalist, a photographer and a fashion designer.
i thought a hundred thousand was a damn lot of money...look at all the millionaire shows now man.
i believed my parents will never age.
i'll be in university doing a specialized course.
i'll still be as happy as before.
i believed a wonderland world will always exist.
i found the man i wanna marry.
who is to know all these will change after ten years. maybe some don't change but look at the twists and turns to get to where we are.
life was simplified. why did i ever said i wanna grow up?
life then was just love, happiness and kindess. everything was like heaven. everything seemed perfect.
i slept real late yesterday...just didn't want the day to end. love it so much. sometimes you ask why hold on to the past? cos u were happier then right? but man must look forward...make the best of your life in the future. problem is no matter how much you try...things just don't become better.
i'm scared of the future. because it's only ten years down the road where u realise ur life is leading nowhere.
that's a sad sad life. am i too childish to want to hold back the purity of being young?
despite that, i'll still want to cherish the pureness of youth. "the running boy is inside every man, no matter how old he gets"
i'm not depressed today...just very stoned. i'm not feeling anything...neither happy or sad...neither good nor bad. just basically waiting for something to happen. happiness maybe. neutral zone makes you anomic.
worry makes people old. i am getting old.
i wanted to be a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a journalist, a photographer and a fashion designer.
i thought a hundred thousand was a damn lot of money...look at all the millionaire shows now man.
i believed my parents will never age.
i'll be in university doing a specialized course.
i'll still be as happy as before.
i believed a wonderland world will always exist.
i found the man i wanna marry.
who is to know all these will change after ten years. maybe some don't change but look at the twists and turns to get to where we are.
life was simplified. why did i ever said i wanna grow up?
life then was just love, happiness and kindess. everything was like heaven. everything seemed perfect.
i slept real late yesterday...just didn't want the day to end. love it so much. sometimes you ask why hold on to the past? cos u were happier then right? but man must look forward...make the best of your life in the future. problem is no matter how much you try...things just don't become better.
i'm scared of the future. because it's only ten years down the road where u realise ur life is leading nowhere.
that's a sad sad life. am i too childish to want to hold back the purity of being young?
despite that, i'll still want to cherish the pureness of youth. "the running boy is inside every man, no matter how old he gets"
i'm not depressed today...just very stoned. i'm not feeling anything...neither happy or sad...neither good nor bad. just basically waiting for something to happen. happiness maybe. neutral zone makes you anomic.
worry makes people old. i am getting old.
Thursday, October 14, 2004
a silver lining beneath the dark clouds
paranoia is killing me.
killing as in literally killing...really wish i were dead...
not the process of being killed...but drop dead..and just that.
why...cos i can't take the pain.
rationality is not inside me anymore.
is it his fault? nope!
just my own. sometimes i think i inherit some things from my brother.
sometimes u just wish u were never born..
i wanna run away...but at the same time i can't
don't mistook that i am pessimistic...
i'm not...at least not today... i actually smiled today..
many times really.
i met a junjie for lunch..nice of him to ask me out for a meal
i met jien during research participant...haven seen him in ages..
god made known to me his prescence then. hard to explain but yeah..i know u r there.
n jeanette went to the bazaar with me.
throughout these periods...alice n jj were constantly around.. day n nite..candies and crying shoulders...
not forgetting ppl like qijia n bran.. who tried to ask about me now n then..
n buddie...for not asking anything but offered a refuge =)
for eddie n eric for their smiles and concern along the way...
for aunt florence who just seem to send the right sms at the right time...
wy who's totally exhausted and still hanging there...i hope i can finally understand...
mommy for not asking anything although she knew i was bothered...
and daddy who actually remembered i wanted to buy biotherm's abdo choc!
it's not the gift that i'm happy about...it's the thought of him remembering..
drives me crazy!
i love my dad to sms me...cos i think he juz can't stand me growing up sometimes.
and being away from him too...
so many horrible days and it's so wierd that there are so many happy things around and i was too upset to be aware..wad is wrong with me?
jj was right when she said "think about the rest who are around you..."
that made sense!
i cried everyday for the past few weeks..including today...but today is different..not tears of sorrow but tears of joy!
i'm really happy.
today is a good day and i don't want it to end
killing as in literally killing...really wish i were dead...
not the process of being killed...but drop dead..and just that.
why...cos i can't take the pain.
rationality is not inside me anymore.
is it his fault? nope!
just my own. sometimes i think i inherit some things from my brother.
sometimes u just wish u were never born..
i wanna run away...but at the same time i can't
don't mistook that i am pessimistic...
i'm not...at least not today... i actually smiled today..
many times really.
i met a junjie for lunch..nice of him to ask me out for a meal
i met jien during research participant...haven seen him in ages..
god made known to me his prescence then. hard to explain but yeah..i know u r there.
n jeanette went to the bazaar with me.
throughout these periods...alice n jj were constantly around.. day n nite..candies and crying shoulders...
not forgetting ppl like qijia n bran.. who tried to ask about me now n then..
n buddie...for not asking anything but offered a refuge =)
for eddie n eric for their smiles and concern along the way...
for aunt florence who just seem to send the right sms at the right time...
wy who's totally exhausted and still hanging there...i hope i can finally understand...
mommy for not asking anything although she knew i was bothered...
and daddy who actually remembered i wanted to buy biotherm's abdo choc!
it's not the gift that i'm happy about...it's the thought of him remembering..
drives me crazy!
i love my dad to sms me...cos i think he juz can't stand me growing up sometimes.
and being away from him too...
so many horrible days and it's so wierd that there are so many happy things around and i was too upset to be aware..wad is wrong with me?
jj was right when she said "think about the rest who are around you..."
that made sense!
i cried everyday for the past few weeks..including today...but today is different..not tears of sorrow but tears of joy!
i'm really happy.
today is a good day and i don't want it to end
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Friday, October 08, 2004
things i would say to myself
u r stupid...just plain stupid..
pathetic loser who is simply trying to hard.
freaking hell juz plain stupid..
who doesn't know wad the hell is happening
damn fat and short...gross
i hate everything about u..
always pretending this n tat...
but the truth is u're just too stupid to turn ur head in the direction of truth
u r lazy, incompetent and definitely incapable.
u get demoralised and u juz lie there n cry.
u r a waste in all the 21 years..
u r nothing but a pathetic loser who is juz purely stupid and nothing else
there isn't even a scum of faith which can be found in a person like u.
u claim to be good when u r juz so plain evil.
i hate u i hate u i hate
fucking walking stupid.
pathetic loser who is simply trying to hard.
freaking hell juz plain stupid..
who doesn't know wad the hell is happening
damn fat and short...gross
i hate everything about u..
always pretending this n tat...
but the truth is u're just too stupid to turn ur head in the direction of truth
u r lazy, incompetent and definitely incapable.
u get demoralised and u juz lie there n cry.
u r a waste in all the 21 years..
u r nothing but a pathetic loser who is juz purely stupid and nothing else
there isn't even a scum of faith which can be found in a person like u.
u claim to be good when u r juz so plain evil.
i hate u i hate u i hate
fucking walking stupid.
My happy ending
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
So much for my happy ending
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
wednesday
i never like wednesday, dunno y
but i like tuesday and thursday and saturday...hates the rest.
think i'm becoming irritating...trying not to but yeah..
juz plain o' irritatin zy
this pathetic, irritating loser!
hate who i am, what i'm doing..
where's the girl i once was?
is this wad womanhood feels like?
i love..
the wind against my face,
the crackles of fire that dances against the dark,
the stars in the sky,
the sand beneath my toes,
the cool spring water running through my feet.
i love to..
draw,
be hugged,
be doted on,
laugh,
dance,
play.
i hate...
liars, anger, sadness and disappointment.
not sure why i'm telling this..
i just want to go back to the past.
was jogging juz now and i met kenneth n qijia..
felt so happy to see them.
two people whom i've known in sports club...two amazing ppl.
one is a great partner and another a doting brother...haha
sometimes u wish u could go back when u were happier...
when u play whose line in the middle of the night laffing like no others' business
when the girls would gather juz to yak their way thru the night.
those were the times..
very recent i should say.
getting irritating i think..
hate this man.
i miss daddy.
but i like tuesday and thursday and saturday...hates the rest.
think i'm becoming irritating...trying not to but yeah..
juz plain o' irritatin zy
this pathetic, irritating loser!
hate who i am, what i'm doing..
where's the girl i once was?
is this wad womanhood feels like?
i love..
the wind against my face,
the crackles of fire that dances against the dark,
the stars in the sky,
the sand beneath my toes,
the cool spring water running through my feet.
i love to..
draw,
be hugged,
be doted on,
laugh,
dance,
play.
i hate...
liars, anger, sadness and disappointment.
not sure why i'm telling this..
i just want to go back to the past.
was jogging juz now and i met kenneth n qijia..
felt so happy to see them.
two people whom i've known in sports club...two amazing ppl.
one is a great partner and another a doting brother...haha
sometimes u wish u could go back when u were happier...
when u play whose line in the middle of the night laffing like no others' business
when the girls would gather juz to yak their way thru the night.
those were the times..
very recent i should say.
getting irritating i think..
hate this man.
i miss daddy.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
humans
saw a cat at my level..
surprise surprise...how did it manage to reach the 10th floor?
it's perched up on a thrown-away cupboard..
meowing for help.
went home n got it milk...told my mom i saw a cat outside with enthusiasm.
she said juz leave it alone and close the door b4 it comes in.
i went out anyway.
dad came back from jogging. reprimanded that i had offered it food.
i said it was hungry and was asking for help. he said it'll only follow us back.
whatever happened to kindness?
i'm confident my bro will bring it home if he sees it. n he's like the worst person i've ever known.
does the world hides traits that we are suppose to portray? that's so sad.
felt like crying for the cat. totally depressing. it's a half grown cat, or rather an older kitten. so thin n frail...
depressing days are everyday. there will be times where u juz stare and think of nothing else. apologising here isn't the solution. i feel sad for everybody. everyone except me. i feel so extra.
think he's gonna flare if i ask anymore questions. but i guess it's human nature to be curious. but i guessed i ask too much. becoming an irritant. i feel like someone recuperating...all the sudden attention at all the needs, the tolerance which would otherwise not have been tolerated for things that were done previously.
gross
surprise surprise...how did it manage to reach the 10th floor?
it's perched up on a thrown-away cupboard..
meowing for help.
went home n got it milk...told my mom i saw a cat outside with enthusiasm.
she said juz leave it alone and close the door b4 it comes in.
i went out anyway.
dad came back from jogging. reprimanded that i had offered it food.
i said it was hungry and was asking for help. he said it'll only follow us back.
whatever happened to kindness?
i'm confident my bro will bring it home if he sees it. n he's like the worst person i've ever known.
does the world hides traits that we are suppose to portray? that's so sad.
felt like crying for the cat. totally depressing. it's a half grown cat, or rather an older kitten. so thin n frail...
depressing days are everyday. there will be times where u juz stare and think of nothing else. apologising here isn't the solution. i feel sad for everybody. everyone except me. i feel so extra.
think he's gonna flare if i ask anymore questions. but i guess it's human nature to be curious. but i guessed i ask too much. becoming an irritant. i feel like someone recuperating...all the sudden attention at all the needs, the tolerance which would otherwise not have been tolerated for things that were done previously.
gross
Saturday, October 02, 2004
i think i failed.
a relationship is really weird.
a few night of insomnia and nightmares to realise juz how right i was.
sometimes i wish i weren't this accurate.
why can't i be wrong.
when a partner falls for another
the heart is shared by two person.
it's like sharing a bunk...when someone u dunno barges in and messes ur pte life
things get hazy.
it gets abit of getting used to, that the room is no longer urs alone.
when the person leaves, it doesn't solves anything.
because u were made to share the room with her b4.
gross.
she said 我加上你两个人并不等于我们
i said i wanna wake up from this nightmare, only to find that the nightmare is the reality.
he said nothing.
i never felt a heartache this deep. think i lost something really important to me.
qijia said i would break if he would ever leave me, he's so right. why can't he be wrong? why can't i be wrong? why is everyone wrong?
i can forget. i told him i can forget. used to gloat at gers who does that. but i can't help staring into space everytime i'm alone. i'm like in my own world. truth is i cannot forget. not his fault, but mine.
the heartache is killing me. we pretended nothing happened. i cannot forget. i can't stop crying. i feel so drained out. i can't sleep. i want to go back to the past. i can't share him with other ppl. i feel for the ger. i go crazy when i'm alone. i don't want to feel this way. what did i do wrong? what went wrong?
wrecked. everything.
a relationship is really weird.
a few night of insomnia and nightmares to realise juz how right i was.
sometimes i wish i weren't this accurate.
why can't i be wrong.
when a partner falls for another
the heart is shared by two person.
it's like sharing a bunk...when someone u dunno barges in and messes ur pte life
things get hazy.
it gets abit of getting used to, that the room is no longer urs alone.
when the person leaves, it doesn't solves anything.
because u were made to share the room with her b4.
gross.
she said 我加上你两个人并不等于我们
i said i wanna wake up from this nightmare, only to find that the nightmare is the reality.
he said nothing.
i never felt a heartache this deep. think i lost something really important to me.
qijia said i would break if he would ever leave me, he's so right. why can't he be wrong? why can't i be wrong? why is everyone wrong?
i can forget. i told him i can forget. used to gloat at gers who does that. but i can't help staring into space everytime i'm alone. i'm like in my own world. truth is i cannot forget. not his fault, but mine.
the heartache is killing me. we pretended nothing happened. i cannot forget. i can't stop crying. i feel so drained out. i can't sleep. i want to go back to the past. i can't share him with other ppl. i feel for the ger. i go crazy when i'm alone. i don't want to feel this way. what did i do wrong? what went wrong?
wrecked. everything.